An American Between Worlds

Multilingual Living

2010-05-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

Finally! Multilingual Living is finally here! After 5 years of planning, thinking, organizing, hoping.... Alice's brother, Oliver, helped me get the site in place.

I have a feeling I will spend most of my time there so please come find me at: www.multilingualliving.com !

You can also find me at:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/multilingualliving

Twitter: www.twitter/MultiLingLiving

Warm wishes to you all!!!

Silence

2009-12-15T20:02:00.001-08:00

Sometimes there is a way that the silence of a moment, of an hour, of a day or even a year can bring us back full circle. The way the movement of life leads us to where we need to be... to where we can breathe deeply and softly.

And with that, I consider revisiting my blog.

Perhaps I have something to say?

Motherless in Seattle

2009-01-05T15:08:00.000-08:00

One cold evening in December in 1968, a woman named Sharon gave birth to me. She was young and vibrant and wanted me more than anything in the world.

On November 16th, 2008, at age 65, she let go of this world while I held her hand telling her that we loved her and that she could go home whenever she was ready.

I miss her terribly.

Things weren't always easy between my mother and me. We had our share of arguments (my journal is a testament to the details). But she was my only mother and I was her only daughter. We shared a bond which our petty differences couldn't destroy. And now, without my mother, I feel raw and exposed, confused and floundering. What I wouldn't give for one more chance to forgive and forget with a hug.

Life goes on but memories have their way of flitting into my heart and mind. And every now and then, an unexpected memory or thought will bring me to my knees and fill my whole being with tears of sorrow.

Oh my children, I cry out for your loss. Grammy is no longer alive. She is no longer alive! As my 7-year-old told his younger siblings: "Grammy won't say, 'oh, is that dollar from the tooth fairy' when we loose a tooth." No, Grammy won't ever do that ever again. Never. To my three-year-old: will you even be able to remember your Grammy's warm breath against your golden-red hair?

Being motherless. To be motherless means to be put into a new category. One of daughters without mothers. As if everyone else who has lost a mother can understand you without speaking a word, can read your mind by seeing into your heart. So, this is what it is like to be on the other side. I often wondered what it would feel like to be motherless and now that I am here I find it is just as difficult as before, only different. The subtleties are all slightly warped so that viewing anything is slightly blurred.

Without a mother, it is hard to find purpose in life. What is the point? As I watched my mother's eyes close for the last time and her breathing slowly decline, I asked myself why. Why do we get out of bed each day and struggle to survive?

All I know is that when my time comes, I want a loved one beside me holding my hand telling me that it is ok to go home, that they are going to be ok without me, that my job here is done and that I can let go. I want them to tell me that what I did in my life wasn't a waste and that my love for them meant something, that it changed them for the better. That is all I really want in life. What more could I even hope for?

My dear, dear mother. I miss you, I love you, I will never forget you.

Barack Obama

2008-11-06T20:56:00.000-08:00

And just like that, my faith in America is restored. Like one large collective breath, our heavy burdens fall and we breathe a sigh of weary relief. Cynicism replaced by inspiration. Amen.

Had someone asked me a few years ago (heck, if someone had asked me a month ago) whether I thought Barack Obama would be elected president of the United States, I would have only been able to say, "Gosh, I hope so, I really hope so." My fear was that to even dream of something so satisfying and inspiring would bring nothing but disappointment. I did not think this country was able to set aside petty differences and prejudices to rise to this momentous occasion.

But on the evening of November 4th, as my husband and children and I sat in hopeful anticipation, jumping up and down with joy, crying tears of gratitude and sitting in silent reverence, our small world changed wholly and completely. And when I awoke early on November 5th and headed to work as I always do on Wednesdays, the world looked just that much more vibrant, that much more hopeful, the people just that much more whole.

It takes courage to open ourselves up to the prospect of hope, sealed ever so tightly in Pandora's Box. But when we ask ourselves what is most important in life, it always comes down to the intangibles, those things which are ultimately impossible to wrap with words. It comes down to a sense of meaning and inner satisfaction; knowing that no matter what in the end all is (or will be) well in the world and we are here to be a meaningful part of it.

We may not change this world of ours but when we have the opportunity to witness someone who can and does and will, the whole of humanity is buoyed by that presence, that hope, that love. It takes a person like Barack Obama to remind us that life is about more than just movements and rituals. It is about having faith in our collective consciousness to compel us to do good, to show kindness, to cherish hope and to protect innocence.

May these next four years point us the way back to our lost American soul.

California Dreaming

2008-08-19T02:20:00.001-07:00

I grew up in the foothills of Northern California and have always had mixed feelings about the place. It is a small town and I grew up in a small house on 2 acres surrounded by oaks, manzanita, deer and silence. It had a way of making me feel claustrophobic at times.

We lived three miles out of town on a dirt road, surrounded by hundreds of crickets who'd chirp all night long. (I only noticed when city folk would mention how loud they were). We could walk all night if we wanted to, just by the light of a full moon and we spent our summers plunging into the satisfying waters of the Yuba River.

Yet, I often found myself dreaming of the long, flat, wide, straight streets of cities - the seemingly straightforward, uncomplicated, matter-of-fact, predetermined benefits of man-made environments. In my hometown, trees and mountains which at times gave me a sense of protection and warmth, at other times made me feel trapped and isolated. The natural, unkempt surroundings of the forest both filled my heart with delight and caused me frustration.

I am here again in my childhood home with my husband and children. We are visiting my mother and brother who still live here. As with each visit, I sit in the same rooms and walk along the same paths as I did as a child. I notice that the trees have grown and that many things have changed.

Yet, what surprises me the most is not the way things are different from when I was a child. What surprises me is the way in which my own childhood memories are slowly being reshaped through the eyes of my own children. The way I remember my days as a child slowly begins to interweave itself with the daily romps and giggles of my children. It is as if I am seeing my world from a brand new vantage point.

Isn't that me sitting in the sandbox under the swaying oak trees letting sand flow through my outstretched palms? Am I not the one collecting moss and branches to create miniature worlds of my own making?

I sit on the back deck, breathe in the dry, familiar air and watch my children dart back and forth across the front yard. I find myself reliving my past through their laughter and overwhelming joy. Magically I slowly forget those things which aggravated me as a child and instead realize that I am savoring the bits which brought me satisfaction and happiness. I know there are downsides to growing up out here in the countryside, yet I easily push them aside as I witness the utter joy on my children's faces as they dedicate themselves to nothing but pure, unadulterated play from morning until night.

Our world seems so simple here. We step back just far enough to see things with a clarity that I fail to grasp when at home (where we rarely take the breaks we so desperately need to let our soul dangle). At home there is always a long list of "duties" which ultimately encapsulates me even more than the tall oaks and wide mountains ever did (and, ironically, are traps of my own making).

Despite the solid sidewalks and expansive streets of our city, it is out here in the wilds of Northern California that I find myself able to breathe again. It is here that I let down my guard just long enough to realize that I haven't been longing for wide city streets at all. In fact, I have been in awe of how high the trees have grown and how tall the mountains seem to have become ever since we drove down that dirt road of my childhood .

Deutsch, bitte!

2008-05-16T00:34:00.000-07:00

"Deutsch, bitte!"
Ahhh, those two magical words which have such power, such influence, such resonance.

As I wrote in my last blog entry, we have been entering a new phase in our household - an English phase. The language of choice for my children when playing has become English, English, English. (Luckily they are still speaking German with us.)

In addition, my sons have been asking why they are expected to always speak German at home with one another when my husband and I don't even do it all the time. Good question, indeed! So, my husband and I, supporting this argument, suggested to our children that we would make an effort to speak German with one another more often if they would do the same. Agreed all around.

This doesn't mean that our children now automatically speak German with one another. That would be too easy! But it does mean that a gentle reminder of "Deutsch, bitte," elicits the friendly reply from our kids (in German) "Oh right, I forgot!" followed by at least 10 minutes of German discussion until it slowly spills into more and more English (followed by another gentle reminder). But hey, that's something!

Who knows what will happen in a month or two months or eighteen years but I do know that this current solution to our "German language problem" has brought me oodles and oodles of delight!
No arguing, no fighting, no cajoling, no begging, no long discussions, no defense, no attacks. Just a simple reminder followed by a simple agreement. Ahhh, it makes one want to sit back with a cup of tea and just feel the joy and happiness.

And, as if all of this weren't already too good to be true, I often hear my kids reminding his or her siblings to speak German! Talk about awesome! What kind of magic has taken over my household?

Ok, ok, before I faint from a euphoric swoon, I do know that this is but a temporary hiatus along our usually bumpy language road. I know this isn't the end of our language journey.

But I figure after all of those pot holes, there are bound to be some smooth patches here and there along the way so I'm going to enjoy it for all it is worth.

Has It Come To This?

2008-04-27T22:06:00.001-07:00

Has it come to this? Have my children finally stepped over to the dark side? The one where all I hear is English, English, English all day long?

My children still speak German with me and my husband. I can revel in that joy (thank goodness) but that is about where it ends. Outside of the Mama-Papa sphere, English has taken over my children like an annoying virus.

My oldest insists that knights only speak English and therefore feels it is important to speak English when he is being a knight (which is pretty much 24/7 these days). My husband responds with a clearly worded (German) defense about how the shows my son has watched or books that he has read about knights have been translated from German or French or Spanish (etc.) into English. HAH, isn't my husband a tricky guy? He argues that the true language of knights are not English and therefore my son is not being completely authentic.

Ok, let's stop here to accept the fact that my husband is completely tinkering with the mind of our 6 year old - all in the name of language preservation! What will my son say to himself later down the road when he reads about all of those English-speaking knights in the British Isles? Will he turn to my husband and say, "Papa, I have lost all respect. It is over. I will never trust you again. You lied to me when I was 6 and you will forever have to bear the pain of that lie." Or will he simply throw it into the pile with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy (we have yet to add her to our repertoire of fantasy figures who will one day be dispelled) once he learns the truth about them?

Aside from the fact that my husband told a blatant lie to my son to encourage him to speak German, it still didn't work. My son doesn't buy into that kind of weak argument. He is 6 years old and wants proof. We do have ONE book in German about knights which could be used as some kind of proof but what's the point, the English books win out 100 to 1 every time.

My husband feels frustrated and deflated. Course, that is what he gets for trying to win a battle of wits with his own 6 year old son!

I, on the other hand, focus on that age-old method of encouragement: when I hear English spoken between the kids, I call out "Hey, what about German?" Or, "Wouldn't it be fun to also play together in German?" But what is the use? To obtain the desired effect, my kids first have to hear me (HAH, like that will ever happen) and then I have to capture their hearts with my loving appeal which is hard to accomplish since they are still in the "what will I get out of it" stage of life.

The truth is, this is where our best laid out plans go their own merry way and we can't really do much about it other than try to steer things in a general direction.

For example, I insist that they speak with me in German by simply not responding when they speak to me in English (which is extremely rare so I can still go about it in a humorous, fun way). And I still continue to speak German with them (although, I do have to admit that I mix in a good amount of English words when I don't know the German equivalent).

I also know that in the end it is about enjoying the ride.

My husband and I are on the next stage of the roller coaster ride... things aren't as bumpy as before but we are still reminded that we haven't made it back to the platform either. We gotta keep our hands on the rail but other than that, wow, isn't this fun!? Wheeee!

Your Children Are My Children

2008-04-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

When the Dalai Lama spoke of fostering compassion at the Seeds of Compassion events in Seattle, he brought up a concept which we often speak of but rarely practice with consistency (myself included). It is a concept which most of us don't even know HOW to foster on a daily basis.

This concept is caring for other children as we care for our own.

When we care for our own children, we want the best for them, no matter how they are behaving. We want to foster kindness in our children and self-esteem. We want them to wake up each morning full of joyful anticipation and snuggle into bed at night overflowing with feelings of safety and comfort. When our children grow older and get into trouble at school or engage in activities which harm them, we still love them with all of our hearts and want nothing more than to help them find their way in life again.

The Dalai Lama asks whether we can learn to feel a similar level of care for children other than our own who come into in our lives. Could we learn to feel a similar sense of responsibility and love for the children in our neighborhood, our children's school buddies, the children of our family friends as we do our own children?

I can't imagine that the Dalai Lama would expect us to have exactly the same degree of attentiveness. The point isn't to exhaust ourselves by focusing on the needs of every child with which we come into contact. If it is possible, then fabulous!

From listening to the Dalai Lama, my understanding is that he believes that we DO have the capacity to experience this level of care for ALL children in our lives. And if we continually fostered this level of care and concern every day of our lives, our world would be filled with a far greater level of compassion on a global scale. Remember: he says that when we give others true compassion, we ultimately foster compassion in the world as a whole.

What I have been doing lately is giving a truly conscious effort to see the good and precious and sacred in every child that crosses my path. Sometimes it isn't easy but I think it is less because I don't feel compassion but that I simply don't have the same natural level of connection that I do with my own children. It takes making an actual effort.

Of course, there are some kids that just drive me up the wall. They grate on my nerves and sometimes even intimidate me. Finding compassion for them can take more concentrated effort! However, they too receive a compassionate attentiveness from me. In fact, what I found is that once I give the effort to truly see these children and foster a care for them, I often end up experiencing an even deeper sense of compassion. It is possible to see the reasons that make them act the way that they do, and how can we not be compassionate for that!

How does the Dalai Lama expect us to get to the point where we can experience this sense of universal compassion for children in our hearts? How do we find what he calls unbiased or unlimited compassion?

He encourages us to perform a kind of contemplate meditation: to give deep thought about what it means to feel compassion toward all children. He firmly believes that it IS possible for each and every one of us to reach this point of compassion. Isn't that an absolutely decadent concept? The richness of a world filled with compassion and the desire for mutual understanding.

All that having been said...

Tonight I'm working hard to experience that abundance of pure and natural compassion for (1) my 4-year-old son who just threw a fit because he couldn't play the Sendung mit der Maus online games because it is way past bedtime, (2) my 6-year-old son who was supposed to be getting ready for bed but instead came into the livingroom with some kind of messy goop all over his foot and cried out, "Hey, look at my new shoe! HAH!" and (3) my 3-year-old daughter who received a sticker for this evening's homeschooling work but in the last 5 minutes has changed her mind about which sticker she wants at least ten times (each time crumpling the current sticker in her hand).

Ahhhh, the joys of finding compassion for our own children. Maybe the Dalai Lama had it all backwards? Could it be that the true task is to learn to have as much compassion for our own children as our sweet, kind, perfect, lovely neighbor children? Hmmm, next time I have the chance I'll ask him.

Either way, I'm sure the Dalai Lama would say to me: "Compassion begins at home!"

Why Should I Speak It If You Don't?

2008-04-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

My husband and I often speak English with one another. In fact, we speak English with one another most of the time. It comes naturally since that was the language we spoke when we met 16 years ago on the Emerald Isle of Ireland, in Mary Ryan's Hostel in Galway. Wow, 16 years!!

I didn't speak a word of German at the time and my future husband was in Ireland to speak English - so it all worked out well. Of course, he wasn't looking for a future American wife and I wasn't looking for a future German husband. We were there to meet the Irish! Not other foreigners!

Well, be it as it may, we fell in love and I ended up taking a leave of absence from my studies to spend two years in Germany with my future husband where we finally tied the knot and moved to Seattle, Washington.

While in Germany I spent grueling hours at the Volkshochschule followed by even more grueling hours at the university in Kiel learning German. Textwiedergabe - I remember that word clearly and it can still bring dread up my spine and fear into my heart. The ultimate of torture touted as "learning German." Ugh, I can still remember sitting there with my pencil poised for the moment of truth.

That coupled with trying to pronounce the letters ä, ö and ü while a kind-hearted teacher squishes your mouth into place was enough to make me want to fall to the floor and plead for mercy. "Try saying "eee" while rounding your lips like this," the teacher would say. "Ok, yea, I get it but now how do I remember all of that while trying to use that sound in the middle of a word which is in the middle of a sentence!?" would be my exasperated reply.

In any case, tonight my 6-year-old son heard my husband and I speaking English with one another and promptly said to us (in German), "Why are us kids supposed to speak German together while you two speak English with one another?" My husband and I looked at one another and and said (in German), "You are right! We should be speaking German. Ok, here is the deal, we'll speak German with one another from now on and you'll agree to speak more German with your siblings, ok?" Our son pursed his lips to think about the deal. He clearly smelled something rotten. And then I quickly added, "And you stop calling me Corey and just call me Mama from now on, ok?" Our son started to look at us with clear suspicion while my husband topped it off with, "And you will always call me Papa, ok?"

Well, let's just say that we all eventually shook on it and agreed to the terms. Whether my son has any idea of what he really agreed to will be seen soon enough. I think he would have agreed to anything just to get the heck away from his crazy, begging, pleading parents.

Is this what a bilingual family has come down to? Making language deals over the dinner table? Well, if it works it is worth it right? I guess I had better remember to speak German with my husband from now on! I mean, a deal IS a deal, right?

Stop Calling Me That!

2008-04-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

My children have developed a bilingual habit which is starting to drive me crazy!

At the beginning, when my children first started speaking, they called me "Mama." I identified myself to them as Mama and so they followed suit. This all came very naturally and easily and I gave it very little thought.

Me=Mama and their father=Papa.

That was until I started noticing that my children were saying "Corey" much of the time. I noticed it most when they were speaking to one another (vs. speaking to me) and figured it was just a cute way for them to identify me by my given name. Little did I realize that it was going to start driving me crazy with frustration.

It wasn't until recently that I noticed that they were saying Corey when in conversation with one another in English. And that they were even calling out to me saying Corey rather than Mama! For example, if they were playing in the living room in English and wanted to get my attention, they'd call out, "Corey!" And if an English-speaking person was around with whom they were speaking, they would use the name Corey when talking about me to them!

Everyone we know thinks it is absolutely adorable. "How cute that they call you Corey!" they say.

And what about me? What do I think about it? It is making me want to sit those little bilinguals down and give them a long lesson in linguistics.

Instead, I started by asking them (calmly) why they call me Corey instead of Mama. They clearly identified the situation by stating matter-of-factly that when they speak English they say Corey and when they speak German they say Mama. "Mama is German, Corey is English," they tell me full of conviction. As if they were teaching me the translation of my name in each language!

After a while I started bugging them about it. "I wish you'd just call me Mama all of the time. I am still your Mama whether you are speaking English or German." They looked at me with a questionable look and said, "We'll think about it."

Ah, so, is that where things have progressed? They get to decide what they want to call me after a joint bilingual sibling consultation? Am I to have no say in the matter? I'm their Mama for goodness sakes!

As of today, they still call me Corey in English and Mama in German. They have not been convinced by my explanations and pleading in the least.

But little do they know that I have raised the stakes (or lowered my pride) and I now shamelessly complain to them in nothing less than a childish manner. "It makes me so sad when you call me Corey. Don't call me that anymore, ok? Just call me Mama all of the time!" I am delighted to say that I did stop short of bribery: "If you only call me Mama from now on I'll give you some candy!"

In the end, I realize that I have little say in the matter. My 6, 4 and 3 year olds are bilinguals destined to make language choices based on nothing but what makes most sense to them. That is their right to use language as they see fit, isn't it?

I can go blue in the face complaining, begging and insisting but I fear that when push comes to shove, I'll forever be half Mama and half Corey in the eyes of my little bilinguals. I guess there are worse things to worry about! At least they are still speaking German with me.

Seeds of Compassion: The Roving Reporter (or not)

2008-04-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in posting about the Dalai Lama. Talk about poor reporting etiquette!

It isn't that I didn't want to continue blogging about this tremendous event. It was simply the fact that when it comes down to it, I am only part roving reporter and mainly a mom of three kids, an employee for a software company and a wife to a busy parent. First things first.

However, I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed my few days of being the roving reporter: chasing the story as it unfolds, capturing photos which embody each event, taking copious notes, driving from event to event, packing my camera bag each night with only essentials (digital SLR, video camera, pad of paper and pen, press passes, two apples for moments of hunger, and numerous forms of identification) knowing that I'd have to be ready to act quickly: living the lean and mean life of a reporter.

Well, let's say, I enjoyed IMAGINING that I was the lean and mean roving reporter. The reality is I ended up promptly coming down with a cold (sore throat, cough, runny nose and head ache). I believe it was because rather than being the "mean and lean roving reporter," of my imagination, I am, in reality, the "stress-case, worried, anxious roving reporter." I'm sure in time I'd work out all of these stress-related reporter kinks but it didn't happen in the last week, that's for sure, and took its toll on my health.

Here are some roving reporter highlights:

I was annoyed to no end for having to pay $25 to park in the Qwest field parking garage on the 6th floor (the press entry was there) and for not having found alternative parking ahead of time. Other reporters were annoyed as well but just laughed and said, "Ah well, at least we can expense it." A clear difference between me the little freelance reporter (where expensing means adding it to her tax return somewhere) and those who work for someone else who takes care of all of the tax details.

I was constantly worried that I'd get stuck in traffic and miss something (anyone who lives in Seattle will know what I mean: traffic is either great or suddenly horrible stop-and-go for miles and miles).

"Did I remember my press passes?" I'd ask myself a few times each morning. Then I'd wonder, "Did I recharge the camera battery?" or "Where did I put my keys again?"

Being that I wanted to do it all (take great photos, write up the most important highlights of the event, video tape just the right bits, interview some insightful people, purchase just a few pieces of memorabilia) I was always a little frantic. I'm sure those around me started feeling freaked out just watching me!

For goodness sakes, I was there to see and listen to the Dalai Lama and here I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted - all from my own silly desire to do it all.

However, not all was lost on my frenetic silliness.

There were moments when I just put my photographic equipment away, breathed a sigh and let the moment fill me with awesome joy. Yes, there were moments when I even became teary-eyed and couldn't imagine being happier and more content. It wasn't always just from the words of the Dalai Lama. It was from looking around and seeing the faces of others caught up in the moment. It was from the rawness of the moment - people letting themselves feel vulnerable and open, teary-eyed and connected on a deep level.

Which brings me to my difficult relationship with groups: On the one hand I love being a part of them but on the other hand I feel confined and defensive. I often have a hard time letting go and losing myself when in a group of people. Someone is talking a few rows back, the speaker's voice grates on my nerves a bit, the sound system lacks in quality. I tend to prefer letting go and finding enlightenment alone on my own terms.

Yet on the other hand, I delight just being part of something large and all-consuming. When I looked around the stadium at each event I was captured by the fact that so many people were all sitting in one place at the same time hearing the same words and seeing the same images as me. For that it doesn't really matter whether someone is sitting right next to the Dalai Lama or on the other side of the stadium. The feel of the weight of the moment is powerful regardless.

Therefore, I am not quite sure what to say in terms of "reporting" on the Dalai Lama event. What can I say that can truly capture the event?

This is what I have taken from the series of events which I attended:

Find out what works for you. Compassion is not necessarily about any religion in particular, it isn't even about spirituality if viewing it through that lens turns you off. It is about finding what works for you so that you can go from understanding and conceptualizing compassion to acting on it to make the world a better place for our children (and ourselves). If that is through a religious context then that is wonderful, if it isn't, then that is wonderful too.

The Dalai Lama encourages a kind of contemplative, analytical meditation for creating compassion in our lives. It is an engaging task, not something in which we sit on the sidelines and watch. How we go about this analytical meditation is again based on our personality. Perhaps we need to set aside an hour each day for contemplation? Or maybe we can at least commit to turning off the radio in the car during our commute and spending that time on contemplation? Or maybe we should put on some soothing music for half and hour and spend that time contemplating our lives and how we can foster more compassion? The key is simply taking the time to focus on this rather than assuming it will just magically happen.

This kind of analytical contemplation is an interactive one. It may mean we need to start by looking at our lives and asking some hard questions (and then acting on changing things for the better). What is holding us up from finding true compassion for ourselves and others in our lives? Are there things in our lives which are straining our nerves and causing us to have a short fuse with others? What can we do to solve this?

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, the Dalai Lama discusses two different kinds of compassion: the biased=limited one and the unbiased=unlimited one. We need to strive to imbue our lives with the unbiased=unlimited one. This kind of compassion is about being able to understand another person, country, custom, event even if we aren't in agreement. It isn't about condoning actions but about understanding where others are coming from via their perspective and moving toward them from that standpoint. This isn't easy without giving it some effort and concentration.

Action is key. We can think about compassion, feel compassionate and want to be compassionate with others but then we need to actually do something about it. This starts with ourselves, then our children and spouses, then our mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers, then out to other family and friends, communities, neighborhoods and as wide as possible. We make sure to spend alone time to reflect and recharge. We take the time to be truly present with our children and spouse. We join with our communities to renovate parks and collect donations for the poor. We volunteer at local food banks and volunteer at events. We find things which fit with our personalities (some people aren't as out-going so maybe they can volunteer behind the scenes rather out front with the public).

Compassion feeds the soul. The Dalai Lama reminds us that through such compassionate actions, we will be feeding our soul, our heart, our minds, our spirits. Whatever we want to call it, through compassionate acts we get in touch with our true selves and find that warmth inside. It is the most satisfying food we can feed ourselves. It is ironic in some ways but through true acts of compassion, we gain the greatest benefits! How very selfish in some delightful way.

Viewed historically, the primary concepts about which the Dalai Lama speaks are really nothing new. People have been discussing such things for hundreds and hundreds of years. However, having the Dalai Lama come to town (or other such spiritual leaders) is a kind of reminder for us all. A wake-up call even. His words remind me that as a country, I feel the United States has become very cynical. Getting in touch with the more raw and vulnerable bits of ourselves is seen as weakness, and weakness is not a good quality in the "home of the free." Praiseworthy are often qualities such as wealthy, cool, popular, busy, efficient, tireless, reliable. Sure, we don't necessarily admit this but these traits come up as praiseworthy in casual conversations all of the time. And our children watch and learn this from us. They learn that making a lot of money is something to strive toward, that being number one and at the top is what we should all strive toward, that having lots of friends is better than knowing only a few people.

To end, I apologize for this not being a traditional report about the Dalai Lama's visit to Seattle. I find that since each of his events are available via the Seeds of Compassion website, that my personal reflections inspired by his visit may also have some value here. I know that many of you are reading my blog and I appreciate your emails! They are full of wonderful insights, thoughts and reflections!

Finally, I leave you with a comment from a baggy-pants teenager after the Monday event. I listened as he and his buddies chatted on the way out:

"I couldn't understand a thing that guy said. But he was really cute, wasn't he? A really nice, funny guy."

I'm sure the Dalai Lama would have loved the reference to himself as "that guy" and that what was remembered was that he was cute, nice and funny.

Seeds of Compassion, Day 3: Bringing the Children Together

2008-04-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

What a crowd today! What happens when thousands of school-age children come together in one stadium to see the Dalai Lama? You get an excitement and energy like none other!

Today the Key Arena in Seattle was filled with children bussed in from all around the Seattle area. It was hard to even get into the media entrance with so many chattering and excited children and teachers waiting in masses outside! I'm sure much of the fun for everyone there was getting out of the classroom on a Monday!

Inside the stadium was teeming with a buzzing of voices, laughter, shouting and noise. During the event, children were cheering from their seats, clapping after every presentation and deafened the stadium when the 7th grade international children's ambassador went onto the stage and spoke to the crowd. Perhaps this is what happens when you get a bunch of children together: fun! Is it as the Dalai Lama says: children are simply more honest about what is in their hearts.

What was most inspiring about having the Dalai Lama here in Seattle was the permission he gave us to be open, fragile, vulnerable and, yes, compassionate. I do believe we need to give ourselves permission to experience what it feels like to be compassionate - to allow our hearts to fill with love (rather than cynicism), to fill with joy (rather than fear), to fill with forgiveness (rather than competition). We have to make a conscious effort to push away everything which tells us that financial success and economic accomplishment the most important. It can be extremely hard to consider that those statements are actually off track - I feel the pull of it every day around me!

What happened to allowing ourselves to be human? Perhaps when we allow ourselves to be full human beings (wise, fragile, intelligent, insecure, alive) we will automatically remember what compassion is all about? I'm not sure but I sometimes believe that when I let down my guard and throw off all of the weights of society pushing me down that I am instantly able to be compassionate again (and in turn to be a better member of society). Sometimes I think it is so easy: just let go and let myself fall into the direction my soul is taking me.

I have a bunch of photos but haven't yet got around to sorting through them. I'm not sure how to present them: Should I do a photo blog or just add them back into the previous blogs.?I'll have to think about how to best go about it. Until then I'll leave everyone with the link to today's amazing event: www.seedsofcompassion.net/webcast/index.html (go to the Children & Youth Day event).

Kind thoughts to every one of you out there!

Seeds of Compassion, Day 3: Compassion in Action

2008-04-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

Today everything was different! Although the two events yesterday were large, they felt intimate compared to today's event in Qwest Field stadium.

For those of you who don't live in Seattle, Qwest Field is the home of the Seahawks, the Seattle football team (as well as other events). Being that I don't follow football, I have never attended a game at Qwest field. Thus, I was in awe of the size of Qwest field.

I arrived much too early but I had hoped to attend an event in an auditorium right off Qwest field but they hadn't done a very good job organizationally explaining that the press would have to choose one or the other event. So, a bunch of us ended up milling about Qwest field for a few hours.

One of the enjoyable activities I experienced was walking back and forth across the field itself. As I said, the stadium is enormous and to walk across that grass at the base of it was nothing less than awesome. I don't think I have ever stood in the middle of a stadium field! To extend my time on the field, I just took photos now and then: the stage where the Dalai Lama and the Washington State Governor would be standing, the Seattle skyline behind the stadium, the bleachers, basically whatever looked like it could be photographed.

There is much to write about this event but I am simply and utterly exhausted. In the meantime, if you want to see what I have been seeing, just go to: www.seedsofcompassion.net/webcast/index.html - you can see all three events which I attended as well as the evening event last night with David Matthews!

Seeds of Compassion, Day 2: The Scientific Basis for Compassion

2008-04-11T17:15:00.000-07:00

Did you know that brain researchers can actually see a difference in brain activity when a person is feeling compassion? Did you know that children actually grow more when cared for by a loving caregiver? Do you know what the Dalai Lama's two different kinds of compassion are?

Today was a day to discuss the Scientific Basis for Compassion.

As many know, the Dalai Lama is very interested in the research of scientists. He doesn't feel that science is a threat to spirituality and religions. If anything, he sees how science can augment our beliefs gained from other areas in our life.

Today the Seeds of Compassion events started off at the University of Washington Bank of America Pavilion. I had to drive since I only had half an hour to get from the first event to the second. Aside from the guilt I felt about driving (and always do), I was out $11 for the parking - sheesh, no press parking!? But this was a small price to pay for the chance to attend this wonderful event.

I must say that the care given to the press is fabulous (either that or they want to make sure the press don't mill about randomly taking photographs where they shouldn't). After checking in (via the media entrance - so cool!), I was personally escorted to exactly where the press seats were located - a big block at the back of the floor seating. Not exactly close to where the Dalai Lama would be sitting but I wasn't about to complain.

Overall, though, my feeling about the life of a press person was a little less glamorous than last night. Unfortunately I saw many people jaded by the process (probably mainly the grunt workers who do all of the unglamorous work). I'm sure this is an oversimplification but many seemed completely undaunted by the fact that the Dalai Lama would be on stage soon. It could be that they simply weren't interested in this event or the Dalai Lama but it reminded me of how easy it is for us to become bored even with the extraordinary (let alone the ordinary).

I worry that if I had that kind of job day in and day out that I too would slowly forget how special even the ordinary moments of being part of the media could be. Not that we should feel arrogant or above others, but delighted in our great fortune! However, that having been said, the press were definitely there to report and that they did!

Today's first event was attended by Daniel Goleman (Moderator), Richard Davidson, Alicia Lieberman, Daniel J Siegel, Andrew Meltzoff and, of course, the Dalai Lama. Many of these names you will recognize from studies on the importance of social and emotional "intelligence."

The second event was attended by Mark Greenberg (Moderator), His Holiness the Dalai Lama, John Gottman, Mary Gordon, Roger Weissberg, Karen Gordon and Bob Marvin. Another great panel who focused on social and emotional interactions throughout the life span.

Both times when the Dalai Lama entered the room, everyone stood and applauded. He bowed many times and beamed his generous smile for all. It was an awesome moment!

For some reason I knew that the Dalai Lama had quite a sense of humor but for the life of me I can't remember where I had seen him (YouTube??)! His way was so natural and comfortable: He sat cross-legged on his chair and listened to what each panelist had to say (often with the help of his translator) and nodded in understanding. When asked a question by one of the panelists, he gave his answer thought, sometimes turning to his translator for help with a given expression or word.

Many times during the day I was struck with the contrast between the easy-going, relaxed, humorous, even silly nature of the Dalai Lama and the mature, elegant, adult-ness of the panelists. I was again filled with the realization of our seeming need to exhaust ourselves with the need to be cool and mature and wanted (not that the panelists were acting in such ways).

There sat the Dalai Lama teaching us about how to attain a compassionate nature and it was almost too simple for us to grasp: Have we created such a complex world? Are we unable to find true compassion because of the constructs of our surroundings which won't allow this to happen? The Dalai Lama indicated this when he said that he firmly believes that we are in our current predicament because of our own man-made constructs (and he emphasizes the word "man" vs "women"). He suggests that we have created such a level of complexity that we now must live in this world based on what we have constructed. We are now dependent upon the world for our survival and happiness. He emphasized that it used to be that a community would depend upon itself and together they would have a vested interest for one another and each member in the community (as we do for a family). Nowadays we have created such a web of global complexity that we ultimately feel helpless.

The solution to our current situation, he urges, is to understand that every action and choice we make ultimately influences every other person on this world (even if we can't feel the direct connection and see the ultimate results as we do in a smaller community). We need to take responsibility for the complexities which we have constructed and learn to find compassion for our whole global community.

Will science help us realize the importance of compassion and empathy in not only our lives but in the world as a whole? Perhaps it will be science which can help bring us back to our intrinsic intuition of what is right and good? Will understanding the workings of compassion in our minds give us answers?

Aside from the general premise of the discussions today, here are some key points which I took away from the event (you can see the events yourself here and form your own conclusions: www.seedsofcompassion.net/webcast/index.html):

(1) Everyday when we wake up, let's look at our children and promise ourselves that we will always see them as valued, cherished, and precious to us - even when they are acting poorly - and find ways to continually treat them with the compassion which we would want in return. This is the first step in creating global compassion. Just because our children are small, it doesn't mean they aren't learning in leaps and bounds - preparation for their adult lives!

(2) Babies learn when they are excited, attentive and attuned with that which they are engaged. How a child feels affects how they will learn - this goes from infants all the way through to adults (but the younger we are creates patterns for later in life).

(3) We need to stop thinking that raising our children to be emotionally and socially enriched means tons of play-dates and activities. Examples within the family are the basis for how our children will learn what it means to be emotional and socially involved.

(4) Children learn more in their first 5 years of life than the rest of their lives put together (Meltzhoff). Babies brains are extremely plastic and their favorite plaything is us: their parents! They have an innate sense of curiosity and will learn everything they can on their own if we just let them go about it!

(5) We CAN change our brains when we get older. We aren't stuck forever in a specific pattern. But this may mean work on our part. The Dalai Lama recommends "reflective meditation." Not necessarily the kind of meditation where we sit and watch the thoughts of our mind. Instead we should practice a kind of meditation where we reflect on elements on which we need to focus.

(6) A large element of creating compassion in ourselves and others is simply responding to others as if to say, "I see you." "I hear what you are saying." "I acknowledge that you said something to me and I heard it (even if I don't agree)." The same is true for children. Show them that you are there for them. Pick up babies when they are crying! Each time you do this you are teaching them that you love them and that they can rely on you. Look your toddler in the eye (at eye-level) and tell him that you understand that he wants that toy and that you know how much it hurts that he can't have it. Give him an outlet for expressing the feelings he has inside when he wants something so much that it makes him cry.

(7) The pre-frontalcortex is where the ability to remain calm in a stressful situation resides. It is also where empathy resides and where we can regulate our emotions (Siegel). If we understand how the brain works in this way, then when we get frustrated or angry with our children, we can understand that it is also possible to calm ourselves down. It takes time and focus but this IS something we can work on to change in our brain patterns by creating more constructive patterns.

(8) We need to learn to override our desire for short-term gain for the long-term gain when it comes to our reactions and emotions (Dalai Lama). We lash out and when we do so it feels good for the short term but it has long-term consequences. The right path is to think about the long-term goal of happiness which comes from always striving for compassionate thinking.

(9) There are two kinds of compassion: (1) biased = limited and (2) unbiased = unlimited (Dalai Lama). The biased/limited is found biologically in most animals. Unbiased/unlimited comes with the help of intelligence. The understanding that we are all one in the same human species and we need one another to survive. Limited compassion can not extend to our enemy but unlimited can - primarily through training our mind with a concentrated effort (not a religious effort but through common sense and experience).

(10) When we are younger we are more able to forgive: we argue often but then quickly make up and forgive (Dalai Lama). We let things go, we don't hold on to them and let them fester. But as we get older, we hold onto bitter angers and hate - this is what we need to try and dissipate within ourselves so that compassion can take its place.

(11) Now that we all have such a high degree of knowledge about how we should treat one another, the key is turning all of this knowledge into action (Talaris Institute Founder).

(12) A University of Pittsburgh study with children in orphanages showed that children who do not have any bond with a caregiver tend to be aggressive and violent. However, when these same children were provided a bond with a continual, comforting care from a caregiver, the children actually start to grow more physically and their aggression decreased! This is the influence that a loving bond from parents can produce. Suffering emotionally can affect the whole body.

(13) The kind of interaction from both mother and father is important. Mothers tend to repeat an activity with a child over and over again, even if the child isn't very interested. Fathers tend to get bored with an activity if a child isn't interested and will either focus on something else or leave the child to seek out the father and engage him. In this way, a child learns different methods of interaction and social engagement. (Gottman)

(14) Schools need to do much, much more than they are doing in helping to provide more social and emotional education. School should NOT be just about academics. This can easily be added into everyday interactions: for example, a new child comes to school and the class discusses how to best make the child feel comfortable. And parents need to understand, support and appreciate this in the school system rather than just looking at academics! (Gordon / Weissberg)

(15) 67% of parents in the USA end up going through a very difficult time (some divorce) when their first child is born. It is as if they weren't prepared for the effort and changes involved with a new baby in their lives (Gottman). This surprised the Dalai Lama who said that what it indicates to him is the lack of responsibility that parents are taking when they start a new life. If they have no children and decide to go their separate ways, that is one thing. But if we decide to start a family, then it is our responsibility to do all that we can to make it work. The Dalai Lama feels this needs to come through via some kind of educational system (if it isn't being automatically learned in the home as a person grows up).

(16) Finally, the main point that the Dalai Lama wanted to emphasize at the end of the event was that compassion is not just wishful thinking, it is about ACTION. Compassion needs to move beyond our conceptualizations and into action - we need to start by treating our children with compassion and then go from there: our spouse, our mother and father, our neighbor, our grandparents, etc.

This was a wonderful day full of information! I will head off to bed now and see what awaits me tomorrow. Luckily we have some wonderful friends who will take care of our kids tomorrow during the event! What would we do without wonderful neighbors, families and friends?

Seeds of Compassion, Day 1: What It's All About

2008-04-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

At tonight's press preview I was able to get a better understanding of what, exactly, this Seeds of Compassion event has as its goal.

Here is a quote straight from the press release: "Seeds of Compassion is an initiative to bring world attention to the importance of nurturing kindness and compassion beginning with children and extending to all who touch their lives." Thus, the focus is on the youngest member of our society and radiates out to the rest of us.

An emphasis of the press preview was that as parents we already know that what our children learn from us is what they will imitate and ultimately radiate (especially during the first 5 years of life). Thus, if we treat others with compassion, our children will learn this from us and radiate compassion (and in turn will instill a desire to radiate compassion in others)!

"Now is the time to launch a global compassion movement, a sustainable effort that will raise people's awareness of the importance of compassion," said Lama Tenzin Dhonden, co-founder of Seeds of Compassion. "Together we can create a more compassionate society for the children of the world."

The first vision of what ultimately became today's Seeds of Compassion event started in 2005 as a discussion between Venerable Tenzin Dhonden, the Personal Emissary of Peace for the Dalai Lama, and Dan Kranzler, president of the Kirlin Charitable Foundation. Their vision was to focus world attention on the following:
- Our communities need thoughtful, creative adults who are actively engaged citizens.
- Our global society needs people equipped to communicate across cultures and address differences through understanding and collaborative problem solving.
- These qualities must take root in early childhood.
- When children build from strong foundations emotionally, socially, and cognitively, they can develop into compassionate adults.

Those of you who visit bilingualfamily.org and read Multilingual Living Magazine already know and believe in the power of our children to change the world (especially the ability to communicate across cultures). You already know that our children truly ARE our future global citizens and ambassadors. However, the question is whether we are giving them the tools they need to go out into the world as empathetic adults and globally compassionate citizens of the world.

What are these tools? And how do we provide these tools to our children?

This is the whole focus of this 5-day event. There isn't necessarily one, specific answer which we all can follow. But the hope is that by getting a number of experts together, we may be able to discover some basic truths.

One place to start looking for answers is in the brains of children. This will be the topic for tomorrow's Seeds of Compassionate events. The following is from press material: "Recent research studies indicate that the ability to demonstrate compassion is closely tied to the brain and biology -- children demonstrate sympathy as young as three-and-a-half years of age. By the time a child turns five as much as 80% of the brain's architecture is already developed. The formation of these neuropathways is profoundly influenced by the quality of the child's early relationships."

Who can truly understand this need for global empathy and compassion more than families raising children in more than one language and culture. You live with the need to embrace multiple language, cultures, values, loyalties every day! Whether you are raising your children this way because you and your spouse come from different cultures or because you feel the strong need to instill in your children your own great love for global respect and understanding - either way, you get it! You understand this!

The next step is to ask ourselves what we DO to participate in the world as globally compassionate citizens. Our actions are what count in the end.

Seeds of Compassion, Day 1: Part of the Press

2008-04-10T19:54:00.000-07:00

I'm in! I'm press credentialed for the Seeds of Compassion event! I was even able to talk them into letting me add another event on Monday.

This afternoon (with my kids safe in the hands of our kind neighbor) I headed downtown to pick up my press credentials and attended the press review session.

Let me just pause for a moment to say how amazing this was for me! There is something really fabulous about being able to sit there elbow to elbow with 30-40 media folks chattering away about current news stories that they are working on or concepts for future ones - as if they were just hanging out discussing last night's game. I distinctly recall one moment when I was sitting there surrounded by everyone and thought to myself, "This is just sooooo cool!"

At the back of the room were cameras lined up atop a raised area in the floor and in the front row were casually dressed photographers with professional cameras in hand. Throughout were people milling around, taking notes, filming and more. Clearly some were important in the media but I wasn't sure who they were. And the funniest was that as far as they knew, I was important as well. Note that dressing well in Seattle doesn't really mean anything - you need to be prepared for the shabbily-dressed person you are talking with to be a millionaire living next to Bill Gates or the mastermind behind the biggest TV station in town! Thus someone like me has the potential to be the Editor-in-Chief of some big publishing house. HAH!

At one point a door from the side of the room opened and in came the organizers of the event: Venerable Lama Tenzin Dhonden (Co-Founder, Seeds of Compassion), Daniel Kranzler (President, Kirlin Charitable Foundation and Co-Founder, Seeds of Compassion), Raj Manhas (Executive Director, Seeds of Compassion), William Bell (President and CEO of Casey Family Programs), John Vadino (Executive Producer, Seeds of Compassion), Andrew Meltzoff (Co-Director, University of Washington Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences) and Pamela Eakes (Communications Director of Seeds of Compassion).

Remember this wasn't a press conference, this was a media preview (getting the media ready for the 5-day event) so it wasn't as crazy as it would have been had it been a press conference.

As each speaker took their turn at the podium and introduced a segment of the Seeds of Compassion event, cameras went off like wild and photographers carefully made their way back and forth across the room. After the speakers were done, the press asked questions about the logistics of the event: they wanted to know if there definitely will be a press conference with the Dalai Lama (the answer was, "It is being planned."), what kind of live feed would be provided for those filming the event, whether there would be wifi for their laptops, how far away from the Dalai Lama the press would be for certain events (we'll be located at the 50 yard line for one event in the football stadium). Before I knew it, I found myself thinking of all of the things I should bring the next day, especially my little hand-held video camera for interviewing the public (I heard another press person say how they wanted to "get into the audience for some interviews"). Sure, they may have their big, fancy, professional cameras. I'll just work on the lower end of the budget range and put my stuff on biculturalfamily.org and YouTube! Nothing wrong with that!

Speaking of equipment, once the speakers were at the podium, I quickly realized the limitations of my Nikon D80 as well as the limitations of my photographic knowledge: The room was too dark for my camera (at least on the settings I had it) to capture the speakers yet the flash was not strong enough to illuminate them. However, the photographer next to me (and the majority of other photographers) had no trouble capturing fabulous photos without a flash. Grrr. I must speak with my husband tonight to get a quick rundown on how to adjust the settings. I did notice a few guys sizing me up based on my camera - I don't think I really made the press photographer grade (which I'm ok with).

The intention of the Seeds of Compassion event is truly inspirational... I will write about it in the next blog entry. I will say that it is all about families and kids and exactly what multicultural and multilingual families around the world are already striving for!

Seeds of Compassion, Day 1: Press Credentials

2008-04-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I received an email from the Seeds of Compassion media coordinators that I had been approved for press credentials to attend some of the Seeds of Compassion events (an event lead by the Dalai Lama)! I am still reeling a bit from the news and definitely excited beyond description. I'm sure all of you seasoned reporters out there will take this with a grain of salt but for me this whole thing leaves me speechless! Me, press credentials? Yippeee!

I could go into the details of how I somehow missed out on the myriad of opportunities to get regular tickets and was left without any option of seeing the Dalai Lama... but it would take too long and let's stick to the point here: the Dalai Lama is in town and I have been granted press credentials to see him - wow, simply amazing!

Things will start this afternoon: picking up my press credentials downtown WITHOUT THE KIDS. Being that I am technically a stay-at-home mom on Thursdays and Fridays while my husband is at work, and being that the Seeds of Compassion media coordinators said that bringing the kids wouldn't be a good idea (gee, any other way I could show how inexperienced I am in these things) I started begging people to watch the kids last night at 9:39 pm.

In the end, our dear neighbor agreed to take care of my kids while I travel downtown to pick up my press credentials and participate in the press preview. I feel especially guilty since he is the only person in his whole family who won't get to attend any of the Dalai Lama events (he wasn't able to get a ticket). It seems almost unkind to ask him to watch the kids in such a situation. However, this is important! I am on a mission and must charge ahead (gosh, is that devoid of compassion or what!?)

As for the event itself, I HIGHLY doubt I will be able to ask any questions or even get very close to the Dalai Lama or others leading the events. Nevertheless, I ask myself, what WOULD I ask the Dalai Lama IF I could?

Would I come up with some profound question which would leave the other reporters nodding their heads in agreement and then asking themselves, "Who IS that inspirational press person over there?" "She is with WHICH publication? Multilingual Living Magazine? I will definitely have to learn more about her and that magazine! Maybe we can get her on board with our publication!" And they proceed to write down my name and the magazine's name and I'm feeling special and inspired and important and, dare I say, full of myself!

HAH! How I make myself laugh!

Ok, the reality is that if I could ask something I'd probably start with a few "Ummms" and "Errrs" and then fumble around with some kind of jumbled question which went nowhere and in the end the Dalai Lama would have to ask the person next to him "What EXACTLY was the question?" with a quizzical look on his face (yet a kind, compassionate smile). The other press people would look over at me (who was certainly beet red in the face with embarrassment) and ask themselves, "Who the heck let her in here!?" I'd look around, smile and then pretend that I was invisible (like my daughter when she wants to pretend like no one can see her, she wrinkles her forehead and just looks away in another direction until the attention on her has passed).

Actually, the first thought that comes to mind right now is to tell him is how much I have enjoyed that Christmas calendar which I purchased for myself and my family and a few of my friends (and which I have on my desk at work) with daily quotes from him. Gosh, is that pathetic or what!? Talk about extremely un-deep and un-profound!

Seriously, though, what would I ask him? What should I ask him?

What would YOU ask the Dalai Lama?
What thoughts would YOU share with him?
What would be on YOUR mind?

Tell me so that I can write them down (just in case)! You wouldn't want me turning beet red, now, would you?

The Dalai Lama is Coming to Town!

2008-04-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

"True compassion is not just an emotional response,
but a firm commitment founded on reason."
The Dalai Lama

His Holiness the Dalai Lama is going to be in Seattle this month! He will be leading an event titled Seeds of Compassion: www.seedsofcompassion.org.

I find that the Dalai Lama's message is so important for families around the world raising children in more than one language and culture, primarily because we have such valuable knowledge, resources and experiences to contribute! Here are examples of two primary ones (from a myriad of others):

(1) Those of us who have come to feel a deep love for more than one language and culture understand the powerful force of global compassion. We cannot help but recognize that "the others" are also us; that cultural and linguistic divisions are artificial definitions created in our minds. The question is whether we continue to strive to maintain this appreciation for the differences in the world or slowly allow ourselves to resent anything that alters our status quo.

(2) Our children are truly the ambassadors of generations to come. What they learn from us today as we raise them will be their foundation for global compassion. Do we imbue our children with a love for the world? Do we honestly instill in them an appreciation for humanity no matter what a person's language, culture, skin color or standard of living is? We need to ask ourselves this question honestly and decide if we are helping to foster compassion in our children or further widening the divide. It isn't about what we say to them, it comes from our children witnessing how we treat others and the things we say about others.

Ultimately, compassion is about letting go of fears - fears of "the others" because they do things differently: they speak a different language, they act differently, they don't smile back when we smile, they dress strangely... even those who have done something mean to us. The moment we label others, we instantaneously create a divide between them and us. As many wise humans have said: the moment we label something as good, then something else receives a label as bad (vs not labeling something as either).

The fact that we create a label is not really the issue (creating a label is our natural human response to want to understand and define a person and situation). The issue is about how we ultimately react to the label we have created. Will we treat that person worse because they wear their hair differently? Will we gossip about them behind their back, saying how strange they are and how much we don't like them? Or will we recognize that yes, we have indeed created a label but that actually we aren't really sure of anything about that other person and even if we did, we should refrain from talking about them behind their back?

Is it possible to have compassion even for those who do things which we find offensive? Yes! It doesn't mean we condone what they do and it doesn't mean that we don't speak up and say that what they are doing is reprehensible to us. Having compassion for others is about understanding that they are doing the best they can in their current predicament and state of mind (yet we do so without feeling a sense of superiority and arrogance).

As the Dalai Lama says: we ALL want peace in our lives, we ALL want to be compassionate beings. Even those who are acting cruelly ultimately want to be compassionate and loving. For whatever reason, they are not able to find that way just yet. But if we can find compassion in our own hearts, then we can show them what it means to be compassionate no matter the circumstances and will be there when they reach out their hand in need. However, if we do so with a "better than thou" attitude, then we should actually be questioning our own motivations and our own relationship with compassion first before attempting to be an example for others.

I'm not sure whether I'll be able to see the Dalai Lama or not when he is in Seattle. If I can't, I will still revel in the joy that he will be nearby for 5 days.

Check out www.seedsofcompassion.org for more information about the Dalai Lama's time in Seattle.

That's Not My Poop

2008-01-09T22:25:00.000-08:00

The other night I was exercising in my husband's office (the home of my beloved elliptical trainer) while my son Patrick was bouncing endlessly below me on a mattress left over from our recent family visits. A box of my husband's Physics papers falls from the mattress to the floor. Oooops! My son looks at it and beelines it for the office door (figuring I'm in my blissful state of elliptical trainer heaven and won't notice).

"Uh, Patrick," I say through exhausted puffs. "Can you please pick up that box of papers and put it back on the mattress."

As a side note, it really makes no sense to put the box back on the mattress where it will simply sit for another period of days or weeks until the next child knocks it over - but it is my husband's office and, well, it is the principle of the thing, right!?

Patrick takes a long look at me. He grimaces. He lets out an audible sigh of disapproval and states in no uncertain tones (and in English no less): "Papa should put that box back, it's full of HIS CRAP."

CRAP?!?! Where the heck did that word come from, I ask myself!

So I give Patrick an eyebrow-raised look and say, "Did you know that crap actually means poop?"
"WHAT!?" he yells out. "Ewwww. It does not mean that!"
"Oh yes it does, it certainly does," I give a satisfied smile.
Then he takes off down the hall yelling, "Yeuck, yeuck."

I retell my husband the story and he lets out a hearty chuckle. We discuss the situation and agree that Patrick most certainly learned the word in daycare. He learns all of his English in daycare we agree. Then my husband puts the box back on the mattress.

Yesterday, while in a meeting at work with my QA group, I retell the story of what Patrick said. I include the part about how I told Patrick that crap means poop and what his reaction was. We all laugh - ah children, they are so darn funny!

I also explain that I have no idea where he learned the word crap! "It is an English word and he said it in an English sentence so he must have picked it up at daycare." We all nod and agree that daycare is to blame for our children's rampant profanity absorption (albeit, crap isn't really a profane word but what the heck, nice to have someone to blame).

Half way through the meeting we are talking about our office's internal wiki where we post all of our activities. We discuss how at times we get a little overboard with our pages. We post so much information that the pages become cumbersome and useless. I find myself saying, "Yes, we just don't realize it and start putting all kinds of crap on our pages."

Knowing smiles start to spread across the faces of my coworkers. Oh my gosh, I said it! I said crap, it is ME who is teaching my son to say such words!! As this realization starts to hit me and I start to laugh, one of my witty coworkers says: "So, I guess what you are saying is that we should be careful not to put so much poop onto our wiki pages?"

Oh poop, they got me! :-)

Family All Around

2007-12-31T12:13:00.000-08:00

The holidays haven't always been a joyful time for my husband and myself. The ocean dividing family and friends in Germany and us in Seattle has been palpable at times - thick and all-consuming. And just because my family lives in California doesn't mean we see many of them more than once every few years!

But over the years we have found ways to make this divide less heart-breaking and more heart-warming. Telephone calls, little packages sent back and forth, Skype and, of course, visits have all made our living apart a little less silent and lonely.

The hardest time of the year for my husband has been Christmas. Although we get into the spirit as soon as we can after Thanksgiving, it just doesn't fill the memories which my husband has of Christmas back home. Drinking Gluehwein, munching on freshly roasted nuts and the chatter of other holiday wanderers all warm the spirit during the holidays in Germany. The smells, sounds, sights and overall spirit during Christmas is simply indescribable. They have an uncanny way to make you forget that it is freezing cold outside and that your toes are about to fall off.

Here in Seattle things just aren't uniform in the way that they are in Germany. In part this is a good thing: due to the mixture of cultures and traditions and religions, everyone has their own idea of what warms the heart during the winter holidays. But in other ways it means there is no central location where the trappings of Christmas are displayed in all of their glory as is the case in Germany.

Personally I am not very religious (spiritual, YES, but organized religion and I are still having deep discussions). So it isn't that I want religious symbols plastered around town. But sometimes I would like to have a kind of uniformity of sorts that goes beyond the secular-ness of Santa in his red and white suit and the hammering of holiday songs about snow from the big department stores reminding you that there are only a few days left before gift-giving time (and that they have 70% off everything)!

There is something missing in a country which claims to appreciate and cater to all. I do believe that the United States as a whole really does want to do good by all of us and I DO appreciate that fact that there are so many different holiday traditions celebrated right in my neighborhood. However, what I can't stand is that without the lack of unity of celebration, big business has taken over the holiday season as its own, demanding that consumption be the unifying God of this holiday season. "We can't sing about Jesus Christ so how about 'Santa Claus is Coming To Town' during your holiday shopping spree? And did we mention that we have 50% off everything?"

I guess what each of us does in the United States to avoid the commercialism of the holidays is to create our own little cocoons of spiritual replenishment; to surround ourselves with family and friends and warm conversation; to find others in our towns and cities and join with them to celebrate as it feels most comfortable. And to let others celebrate next door and down the street and across town as it feels most comfortable to them. Sure, things may not be created for us in a uniform way to just step into. But in the end it is worth it as long as we don't let commercialism fill the lack of one uniform tradition.

For us, Christmas this year was especially warm and lively. My mother-in-law flew over at the beginning of December and spent the holidays with us (see photo above of her and I in the kitchen after Christmas dinner)!

I think she had a fine time spending the holidays with us and I know that we won't quickly forget the smells of Vanilla Kipfel, Mandel Hoernchen, Huehner Frikasee, Kohl-Rouladen and much more which she made for us. I think my husband simply died and went to heaven each time he bit into one of her traditionally prepared German delicacies. And I'm sure he was delighted to have an expert with him in the kitchen to help prepare Rouladen for our Christmas dinner (which he does each year... followed by Mousse au Chocolat).

Having so many family members together during the holidays was extremely special. My mother and brother arrived a week before Christmas and our house warmed up even more. What could have been absolute chaos (and was at times) ended up being a lively, heart-warming, laughter-filled few weeks. We also invited our neighbor across the street to our Christmas dinner as his family was in India and he was alone that night.

As always, we combined our German and American Christmas traditions: dinner on the evening of the 24th and then unwrapping presents from family and friends after dinner. Then on the morning of the 25th, opening presents which der Weihnachtsmann/Santa put into our stockings during the night. On the one hand, it is a crazy mess of gifts and wrapping paper but on the other hand, our children won't always be this young and filled with the magic of the season.

I'm not sure that we will ever have a Christmas like the one we just had. But rather than regretting that it is over, I cherish the memory of it. I am so delighted that my husband and I can truly bridge the expanse of space and time of our two countries, families and histories. After it was all over, as we were driving back from the airport after dropping off my mother-in-law for her flight back to Germany, my husband and I looked at one another and agreed that it is the fact that we are from different countries and cultures and traditions which makes our lives so much richer and fabulous. Yes, it is all very bitter-sweet at times but we wouldn't change a thing.

L'amour à la (AOL) française

2007-10-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, the "technology company" which I often referred to as my place of employment was none other than the glorious America Online (AOL). Our group was purchased by another technology company in August, so I no longer work for AOL. I have spent close to 10 years working for AOL, helping to create and test the many language databases which are developed for the T9 product (which many of you will find in your cell phones for text messaging!) . In fact, when I met with Tommi earlier in the year, he jokingly said that he wished we'd develop our T9 software to support bilingual entry for cell phones, so that he could message in both Finnish and English at the same time. I was delighted to inform him that we DO have a bilingual program in place. It is just a matter of the OEMs putting it on their phones. :-)

After a recent round of layoffs (2,000 people worldwide), the AOL France team decided to go out with style (we would expect no less from the French!). Check out this fabulous video from the AOL France team (lip-synched to French Eurovision 2007 song from the band Les Fatal Picards). And yes, if you think you are hearing a bunch of code-switching between French and English, you are right! This is a delightful example of fun, fun, fun code-switching! I wish we'd have thought to have done something as wild and crazy when AOL sold off our group to another company!

The password for the video is: aollover .

L'amour a la francaise from pyc on Vimeo.

The Compassionate Life

2007-10-12T01:54:00.000-07:00

I was on vacation from the middle of August until the middle of September - ahhhh, vacation. The space and time to think again. To actually read a book and to breathe deep, deep breaths, those breaths which actually fill the bottoms of my lungs. The time to taste the subtle richness of a coffee, the smoothness of melt-in-your-mouth ice cream, laughter with family and friends, the scent of new landscapes, the sounds and sensations of different locations. Since we always take our vacation in big chunks of time (this was a "short" three-week vacation) we have the luxury of slowly getting used to this state of mind over the course of weeks.

It is almost always on vacation that I feel myself transforming back into what I like to call "myself." It is a slowing down, an embracing of the realities of where I happen to be standing at that moment and the ability to listen and understand it.

While on vacation I had decided to read two books which I had purchased in Seattle: "The Well-Adjusted Child-The Social Benefits of Homeschooling" by Rachel Gathercole and "Real Food-What to Eat and Why" by Nina Planck. I was NOT disappointed as I slowly made my way through each book. Both point toward something I had been longing for but was unable to grasp: getting back to basics. One book reminded me of the value of family and the bonds that form there each and every moment we are together. The other reminded me of the importance of food and the need to get back to the basic elements of it which means getting as far away from processed foods as possible. In my hectic life, I often forget the importance of home-cooked foods (be it cookies or dinner or a snack of carrots and hummus). I don't agree with everything that Nina writes in her book (I prefer to avoid meat more often than not) but all in all it was a good reminder to get back to foods that are real (we have even started purchasing raw milk from a local farmer and are drinking it as-is (no heating it first) and making some fabulous yogurt and kefir. I look forward to making some cheese!).

Then, a week into our vacation, while browsing through Bookshop Santa Cruz (yes, you guessed it, this book store is located in the heart of fabulous Santa Cruz, California - our vacation was visiting my family members who are spread out between northern and southern California) I spotted a book that Alice had reviewed for Multilingual Living Magazine titled, "Eat, Pray, Love-One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia" by Elizabeth Gilbert. On a whim I purchased it. In fact, my husband purchased it for me.

Husband: "You want to get that book?"
Me: "Well, I donno. Alice said it was good and here it is as a favorite pick by one of the book store's employees. It must be a good book."
Husband: "I think you should get it."
Me: "Yea, well, it is pretty expensive. I can just borrow it from the library when we get back."
Husband: "We're getting it for you." He takes it off the shelf and as he turned to go to the cash register, I beamed with an excited smile.

That night I started reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and my life started changing.

There is a part in the book where she spends time at an ashram in India. By the time I finished that part of the book, I was trembling. It is hard to explain why it impacted me as it did. Perhaps it was because by the time I got to that part of the book we were visiting my mother and brother in my childhood home (one which is filled with ambivalent memories thanks to the endless arguments of my parents as I was growing up) which always leaves me feeling a little exposed and raw.

Or perhaps because it resonated with the years I spent practicing Zen Buddhism, which included visits to Green Gulch and Tassajara Zen Centers. For anyone who has spent time at these two zen centers, they are the real deal: up before sunrise to meditate for hours, silent meals, working in the garden for much of the day, crashing onto your floor mat at the end of the day from sheer exhaustion. There ain't no way you can escape yourself at these places no matter how hard you try. I was 17 and 18 years old at the time and a wore a scarf on my head for over a year as a kind of "leave me the hell alone because I am trying to figure out who I am" gesture.

For whatever reason, there was a moment while reading the book that I suddenly experienced an overwhelming rush of compassion; compassion for myself, my family, for humanity as a whole - a level of compassion which I don't think I have experienced before. It was a total, complete and in some ways spiritual wash which came over me at that moment and I couldn't remember what it was like to NOT be completely compassionate in all ways, shapes and forms. It was a kind of embracing of the world and a love for everyone in it.

At that moment I felt it just taking over my every cell without any urging on my part. It reminded me of zen koans (which I read incessantly during my zen Buddhism phase of life): that kind of sudden realization which takes place in a different part of of our being than our mind - a whole body experience, if you will. Like the pure satisfaction we experience when musical notes resonate in perfect harmony. We know what we would like to hear (or what we don't like to hear) but it isn't until those notes resonate perfectly that we experience an absolute whole-body-and-mind fullness from the wash of the music.

I still have no idea what caused the perfect blend of words, thoughts, experiences, mistakes, hopes, dreams, tragedies in my life to cause this moment to happen but whatever it was, I was left feeling like I was viewing everything in life from a completely different vantage point than before. My struggles for different things and desires in life just melted away and I was left with a combination of humility, understanding, calmness, love, joy and gratitude.

I'm not sure how long this state of being will last. A few aggressive Seattle drivers, a nasty coworker, the hectic schedule of life could very easily knock me off my balance. But for now I am so honored to have this opportunity to experience this way of experiencing the world.

Let's put it this way: the other day when someone raced in front of me and cut me off in a big gas-guzzling SUV and then proceeded to flip me off (yes, even Seattle has those people), I found myself looking at that outstretched middle finger and feeling nothing but deep compassion for that person; compassion for what must be going on inside that person which would urge him to act that way. I actually understood exactly how caught up he must have been in his own world, where doing such things was his only way of making himself feel whole. Is that not something to feel compassionate about!?

There have been times recently when my husband expected me to react a certain way to something he or someone else said (based on how I usually react) and instead, when I didn't react the expected, pre-compassionate-me way, he gave me a big smile. Smiling back in return I said, "Remember, I told you! I have changed!"

Oh - and some fabulous music!

My favorite right now is Joe Purdy: www.joepurdy.com. You can listen to his songs on his website. My favorite albums of his are "Only 4 Seasons" (I love the song "Why You") and the other album "You Can Tell Georgia" (the song "Can't Get it Right Today" is great).

And another great band is Nickel Creek! My mother and brother introduced us to their music while we were visiting.

Monolingualism is a Curable Disease

2007-08-08T22:14:00.000-07:00

Thank you Rubén Rumbaut for using this quote in an email correspondence: "Monolingualism is a curable disease."

When I first heard this quote a few years ago, I felt that the word disease was a little too strong. Disease sounds so deadly! Like an epidemic. But isn't that what monolingualism is in places like the United States? As we have also heard (and which Rumbaut reminded me): "America is a language graveyard."

Think about what that means! America is a place where languages go to die! They perish, bit by bit until they no longer exist. The sad part about that is that these languages are usurped by another language: English.

Being that America is such a land of immigration, this seems to strange to me. And, as Rumbaut has pointed out, immigration is what keeps languages alive and flourishing in this country. A generation or two later and languages will most likely have all but died out. Immigration across borders keeps the language influx thriving.

The saddest part about this whole thing is that America has so much potential. I LOVE America. I love the cowboy and cowgirl origins: the "can do" live style and powerful independence. The ability to feel that the stars can be reached if only we give enough heart to the effort. The hippy mentality of getting in touch with the earth and treating humanity with the respect it deserves. A multitude of elements blend and collide, mesh and bounce off one another. It is a beautiful sight to witness.

Just today, while shopping for clothes, I stood in the changing room and listened to two women discussing their clothing choices in German while in the stall next to them a woman spoke on her cell phone in Italian! And later I witness two Indian women contemplating their clothing in their native language. I passed an African woman pushing her child in a stroller, donning her native clothing and speaking to her child in her language. This is all in a matter of an hour and in the middle of a large Seattle downtown department store!

But this country seems to also attract those who wish to create an artificial consistency out of the flourishing cultural and linguistic mosaic that exists here. A kind of fear seems to pervade a certain corner of our citizenry and they lash out trying to create a circle of comfort around themselves by attacking others.

As Rumbaut has pointed out - our languages are in jeopardy. There is no threat to the English language and the American culture. If anything, our children will probably not even pass on our languages if they differ from the community language around us.

So, I say to the rest of the United States, let go of your worries and embrace our country as it is and enjoy the beauty of it all. We ARE multilingual. We ARE multicultural. That is simply the reality of our land. Within these borders are languages and cultures mixing and blending with unfathomable creativity and beauty. And in the end, we will all still be Americans. Never fear! We will still have the "can do" attitude, the hippy mentality, the intertwined depth of what it means to be an American. So before we destroy that which makes us human and whole and American, let's embrace it and savor it.

The Meaning of Bilingual

2007-07-27T02:57:00.001-07:00

There is one thing I don't understand. Doesn't the term "bilingual" mean speaking two languages? "Bi" as in two or twice (which can be traced back through Latin and Ancient Greek roots) plus "lingua" meaning tongue, speech or language. You put the two together and you have someone who speaks two languages -- ANY two languages!

So, when did bilingual come to mean someone who doesn't speak the community language? When did our societies start to use the terms as a pejorative term? In the United States, it has often been used to mean "Spanish-speaker" (or whichever culture a person wishes to degrade). Which, in itself is completely contradictory... if someone lives in the United States and only speaks Spanish, then that person is monolingual, not bilingual.

Very strange how such terms come to mean something different over time.

Perhaps the word bilingual developed its convoluted meaning through its association with the word "education" as in "bilingual education"? Did people start to associate bilingual education to mean programs for kids who don't speak English and then slowly but surely the word bilingual came to mean people who don't speak English? Very ironic, really.

Very often someone will contact me at the Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network and ask why our website isn't in Spanish. The assumption is that the word Bilingual in our network's name means we support Spanish-speakers only. It took quite a few inquiries before I understood what the confusion was and then started realizing the associations that are made with the word bilingual.

I'm not saying that everyone associates the word bilingual with this incorrect definition. It is more a slow, eroding process whereby a word slowly changes its meaning purely through association -- through its association with finger pointing, scowled faces and accusations.

The same can be said for the term "multicultural" in the United States. For some reason it has come to mean "multiracial." A few months back a program came on TV discussing local schools and how they can meet the needs of their multicultural students. What the discussion was focused on was race. Not that we shouldn't be very much concerned with the role of race in our schools! But let's use terminology that really fits the description. Perhaps the word race was purposely avoided due to America's debilitating past with respect to race and humanity and was replaced with culture... something which is less precise, less clear, less assumed.

I always find it amazing that we can so easily start slipping into using words and associating meanings to words without even really knowing it, without being completely aware of what is happening. Bit by bit the words take on a new shape and we start using them in ways that mesh with the definitions that the rest of society has placed on them.

In the end words are around so that we can share meaning. Yes, who needs different languages to create linguistic confusion! Monolingual American English speakers, even when they are using simple words such as bilingual and multicultural, can cause great misunderstandings and confusions.

Library Junkie

2007-07-24T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm a full-on, complete, no-holds-barred library junkie! Just the smell of the place makes me swoon!

We have a shelf full of library books at home. Most are about homeschooling, a bunch are ones the kids picked out, some are learning to read books (in English, of course) and a few are novels that I've wanted to read. Then we have the whole row of DVDs: the entire first and second seasons of Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives, countless kids educational DVDs (and a few oddities like Rubadubbers' "High Noon in the Bathroom" where animated bath toys have a show-down - very educational indeed), a few political DVDs which my husband picked up and finally French and Spanish movies with subtitles - my favorites!

I think we have over 80 items checked out right now and another 50 on hold.

Today I went into the library to pick up two more books and I felt a little giddy the whole time - like when I was a kid and my birthday or Christmas had arrived and there were gifts with my name on them.

We have so many libraries in Seattle that we can choose the books we want online, then ask that they be delivered to the library closest to us. Fabulous! Who needs Amazon when we can order free books from the library, have them delivered and just pick them up on the way to get the kids from daycare.

Hallelujah - I love the library!

Oh - and my kids do too. :-)

Home Depot with Kids

2007-06-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

Last night we went to Home Depot. The kids were dressed in their pajamas before we left – preparation for the drive back when I was hoping they’d fall asleep.

We arrived just before closing, at around 8:45 pm, and rushed around chatting in German about which flowers would do best in full sunlight. We headed into the store to pay, the 2-year old in the shopping cart seat and the two boys standing on each side for the ride.

When we reached the check out area, there were only two options, neither of which were optimal (at least as far as I was concerned):

(1) Self Checkout (with which I never have any luck because I always do something wrong, like move the items slightly and the whole system seems to go berserk - I usually end up having to call the clerk and feel humiliated),
(2) a long line at the other end of the store where everyone had a ton of items, each of which were big, bulky and of varied shapes and sizes.

We opted for the Self Checkout.

At first it all went ok... I scanned each flower, it beeped, registered the price, I placed each flower in the little plastic bag. Yes! I was in synch with the system. The system and I were one.

After around flower three, things started going bad. The system blurted out something about having too many items on the scale. Arghhh. I looked down and younger son was sitting on the scale! In German I said, "Ok, Christoph, get off the scale." He jumped down with an impatient glare.

I took a quick, sideways glance to my right and saw the slowly forming line of waiting customers. I felt my face becoming a bit flushed. "Focus, stay focused!" I told myself silently.

I scanned the next few flowers, and then again, a complaint from the machine. "For god's sake, why did we get so many flowers?" I complain under my breath! I looked over at the scale again, and oldest son was leaning on the scale. Pointing to the scale, I said in German, "Patrick, look, don't go anywhere near this thing here, ok? Just stand over there."

Unfortunately, "over there" was next to the ingeniously placed "wall-o-candy," a child’s paradise indeed!

A new round of frustration began, a full-force chattering away in German. "Mama, can we have these M&M's? Just one! We'll share them." I looked over at the enormous bag of candy and to save some immediate whining, I said, "Um, we'll see, let me finish here first."

To my right, the line of customers was getting longer. In the expanse of faces, none gave the impression of taking pity on me. They looked tired, impatient and saw me and my brood as making their life less than satisfactory. And to top it off, they probably couldn’t understand a word we were saying since it was all in German.

I started to scan the next flower and suddenly the Self Checkout man was standing at my cart. "Oh no, I thought, he is going to tell me to get my act together and hurry it up!" But instead he pointed out that youngest daughter was trying to stand up in her seat in the shopping cart and that I should have known to strap her in with the belt provided on the cart. "Oh right, I said." I strap her in. Bad-mother-humiliation moment, one million and one.

I look to my left and see that the boys are happily discussing in detail which candy they are going to get. Uh oh.

A few more flowers scanned, wonderful! But I notice that the little shopping bag is full. What should I do? Should I move the bag to the side and open a new one, or will the machine go crazy? Am I allowed to put the next flowers anywhere or will the machine complain? Oh gosh, I'm not sure what to do. “Think quickly, think quickly,” I tell myself.

I feel wild and crazy, so I put the flowers on the scale but OUTSIDE the bag. Whew, the system registers that the flowers have been placed on the scale. Ok, we are on our way!

Just as I'm finishing, young daughter notices that the boys are at the "wall-o-candy" and that she is missing out on a potential candy purchase. She starts complaining - loudly. The boys notice her and simply start bringing her candy, asking in German which she'd like to have. "Do you want this candy, Marie?" Patrick shows her a Starburst. "Or do you want this one, Marie?" Christoph shows her some kind of pink bubble gum. “Just one, Marie. You have to decide on one,” they tell her.

I take no notice. I can’t think about the coming raised voices of indignation when I tell them that we aren’t going to get any candy. I need to stay focused. All I need to do is to slide my credit card through the machine and sign the tablet.

It seems to take forever but with a sigh of relief, the transaction is completed. The machine and I are no longer dependent upon one another. I pack the remaining flowers into bags, tell the kids that we are leaving and quickly start pushing the cart in the direction of the big EXIT sign. I don’t look at the frustrated line of customers; I don’t stop to discuss the “wall-o-candy” options with the kids. I just start walking and make sure the boys are following.

"But Mama, we wanted candy!" Wails older son.
"Yea, you promised!" Adds younger son.
"Candy, candy, candy!" Yells youngest daughter.
Me: "Let's discuss it in the car, kids."

A heated discussion ensues but soon all kids are in their car seats, the car is in motion and once on the highway, the lull of the movement puts youngest to sleep and the boys glare at the back of my head the whole way home, albeit in a semi state of exhaustion since it is way past their bedtime.

"Tomorrow we can plant the flowers in the pots at the front of the house!" I remind them. "Just think about how much fun that will be."

Silence.

Once we are a few miles from Home Depot, I laugh to myself at the spectacle we must have been: A tired mom, three pajama-dressed children chatting away in German, an obsessive focus on the "wall-o-candy," a cart full of flowers, kids sitting and leaning on the scale and a line of angry customers tapping their feet and sighing under their breath. Just one crazy German-speaking family. Yep, we certainly have a way of unwittingly causing an odd disruption.

Then it dawns on me… if I thought purchasing the flowers with three kids was a challenge, planting the flowers will be even more fun: three kids, a bag of potting soil and one trowel. Oh yea, the planting is going to be nothing but fun, fun, fun! At least we won’t have to do it with a bunch of impatient, English-speaking onlookers.

My Radio Interview with Kevin Henry

2007-05-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

Below you can listen to my radio interview with Kevin Henry, the Cultural Diversity Coordinator for the City of Bellevue, Washington, USA, and talk show host for Voices of Diversity and AfraGenesis. The following interview took place on Thursday, May 17th on the AfraGenesis show on 1150AM KKNW.

It was a complete honor to be contacted by Kevin Henry to do an interview on his radio program! It was also a fabulous way to practice getting the word out about the Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network and Multilingual Living Magazine. I am often very nervous when speaking in public (whether in person or on a radio show). But each time I do it, the more comfortable I become. Just practice for those interviews we'll be giving for big radio stations in the future, right? HAH HAH!

Because Language Really Does Matter!

2007-05-09T21:01:00.000-07:00

“I wanted to fit in so badly,” she said. “I figured if I practiced English, if I spoke English well, I’d be an American, like the other kids in my school.”

This is a quote from 20 year old Fidele Harfouche, a native-born Lebanese who has been living in the U.S. since she was 6. She is one of many voices sharing their experiences in a May 7th article in the New York Times about how the younger generation in the United States is appreciating and embracing their families' languages more than ever!

This is absolutely fabulous to hear! And the fact that the NY Times is reporting on it is even more exciting! This means that the word is spreading (pun intended).

But why are they reporting on it? Because the University of California, Los Angeles, with financing from the United States Education Department, "is conducting the first national count of college programs geared toward heritage students, most of whom grew up speaking a language other than English at home."

The research was sparked by the fact that while enrollment in certain foreign language courses was dropping over the past decades, enrollment in other language courses has exploded during the same period. The correlation appears to be linked, at least in part, with students who want to "relearn" the language of their youth, their "heritage languages."

There is something to be said about the role languages play in our deepest psyches and emotional associations. As Mr. Yang, who is ethnic Chinese and grew up in Mongolia where he learned a bit of kindergarten Chinese before coming to the U.S.:

“This is going to sound nationalistic, but as I grew older, I realized that as a Chinese man, I needed to learn Chinese,” Mr. Yang said. “I guess this is about reconnecting with a big part of who I am that I had neglected for a long time.”

We should remember this when we hear our children complaining about us speaking our languages with them. They may be annoyed right now, and perhaps we will have to learn how to work with our children to find the right balance of when and where to use which languages, but in the end we should remember that a time will most likely come in their lives when they will look back and thank us for being consistent in our language choices.

There may even come a time when they turn to a heritage language course and are delighted that they can pick up the language again so quickly, and that they find that they still have an emotional connection with their family language. As Guadalupe Valdés, a professor of education and Spanish at Stanford University, said:

"in most cases, it takes heritage speakers just a few semesters to reach a level of sophistication that beginners take years to achieve."

So when you feel that you are giving up hope that your children will ever appreciate your language, and when you start to feel that you are getting into the rut of teaching them your language rather than simply "being" your language and culture with them, think of these words from Ms. Harfouche after she started her language course in Arabic, the language of her childhool and her family's native language:

“This was very fulfilling... It opened a whole new world for me. The beauty of my culture, of my Arabic culture, is in the writing, in the poetry, and knowing that I can rely on myself to read it and understand is really amazing.”

This, families around the world, is what it is really all about, isn't it?

Forget About the Laundry!

2007-04-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

You may not have heard of Patricia Kuhl, Ph.D., faculty member in the Department of Speech and Hearing Sciences at the University of Washington and one of the world's leading authorities on language development, but if you have kept up on your research about children and language learning, you will have certainly come across her work. (Photo of the University of Washington is from the Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences homepage).

For example, you get what you give: When the craze for Baby Einstein DVDs came (and stayed) many of us were dismayed to see how many parents bought into the belief that all they had to do was to put their infant in front of a DVD program and magically he or she would gain the cognitive and language skills we so desired for them to have! Like an infant’s version of the movie “The Matrix”… plug in our baby and three hours later they will have downloaded what they need.

Luckily for humanity, this isn’t the case. It still takes direct human interaction for infants to learn our languages! We are still needed in the lives of our babies, at least when it comes to learning a language! Go ahead and put in that DVD but don’t walk away! Watch it with your infant and have some fun – you may even learn a thing or two and you will definitely be providing your infant with crucial social interaction while having fun at the same time!

In the first of two landmark studies, Dr. Kuhl and her team exposed 9-month-old infants to Mandarin Chinese “during a dozen 25-minutes sessions spaced out over four weeks. During these sessions, native Mandarin speakers read from children's books and played with toys while speaking Mandarin. Four different speakers, two men and two women, conducted the sessions, so the babies were exposed to a variety of speaking styles. A control group of infants was exposed to the same procedure in English.”

The infants from both groups (Mandarin exposure and English-only exposure) were then tested to determine their ability to distinguish between to two key Mandarin sounds which are not present in the English language which Americans often hear as “chee” or “she.”

In a second study, “The procedure was similar to the initial study except that half the infants were exposed to Mandarin by a DVD showing the same Mandarin speakers and materials on a 17-inch television. The other infants received their Mandarin exposure from an audio-only presentation of the DVD.”

There were multiple findings from these studies:

1. Even a few minutes of language learning each day can produce long lasting effects! “In fact, the performance of the American infants exposed to Mandarin for the first time between 9 and 10 months was statistically equivalent to infants in Taiwan who had listened to Mandarin for 10 months, according to Kuhl. The results show that the decline in foreign-language speech perception can be reversed with short-term exposure, she said.”

2. Social interaction is essential in language learning for infants at this age. To get the benefits of #1 above, it must be through social interaction. The infants who only had exposure to the DVDs or audiotapes had no phonetic learning and “scored at the same level as the English-only babies.” This means that you are essential in your infant learning your language, or any language for that matter. There is nothing that can replace you and others in providing your infant what he or she needs to pick up language!

3. Timing is important in language learning. At 9 months, infants are in a sensitive period in their language learning. And they are using all of their senses to do so. As Dr. Kuhl says, “language learning draws on all aspects of infants' cognitive abilities, including their attraction to 'motherese' (a form of exaggerated speech) spoken by adults to babies; the statistical learning that infants engage in by analyzing language; and the ability to follow the gaze of another person to an object to understand what they are talking about."

So, the next time you realize you have just spent a few hours cooing and talking and singing and reading out loud to your infant (or any age child for that matter) don’t feel guilty about not having done the dishes or the laundry or the shopping! Give yourself a big pat on the back for providing your child with the building blocks for a lifetime of language! All it takes is us being present and engaging with our kids.

Wow, who would have thought it was so easy!

For a report on this study and the link to the above quotes, go to: uwnews.washington.edu/ni/article.asp?articleID=2051

Peace Takes Courage

2007-04-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

What is 16 year old home schooled Ava Lowery doing in Alabama these days? Ava is creating some of the most powerful videos against the Iraq war that I have seen in a while! She combines music, images and text and leaves us speechless. As the name of her site says, Peace Takes Courage! Let's hope that all of us can do our part in standing up for peace. As multilinguals and multiculturals, we know how absolutely important and essential this is!

Check out Ava's site here: www.peacetakescourage.com.

And before you go... make sure to listen to this song from musician and social/political activist Tom Morello. The words and tune in this song remind us of the urgency that is necessary to halt the rampages of inequality, racism, and war in our world!

Thinking Bloggers Meme

2007-04-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

Trisha tagged me for the Thinking Bloggers Meme. She has a fabulous blog which I love visiting as much as possible. She is also a regular contributor to Multilingual Living Magazine with her touching essays about raising her bilingual children in Japan.

The directions I was given are these: 1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think, 2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme, 3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

As with Trisha, it wasn't easy for me to choose just 5 so if you are not included, that doesn't mean I don't love your blog! As you will see below... it is no surprise that most of the blogs I frequent have to do with bilingual and multilingual families! :-)

1. Momster - Irene's musings on life are fabulously touching, thoughtful, insightful and simply delightful. She never ceases to inspire me with her words and makes me want to live life just a little fuller.

2. Dinka - Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, but always a delight, Dinka's blog always gets me thinking! Her photos are also always an inspiration and fill out her entries so beautifully.

3. Between Pee and Kimchee - Jennifer is a writer through and through and her blog is a true testament to this. I delight in her literary entries and the way she is able to keep me captivated from beginning to end!

4. Mama(e) in Translation - Lilian is always full of insights and inspiration. She is a literature major from head to toe and you can tell. She doesn't let life go uncontemplated and delights us with her ability to look at it from yet a new perspective and to speak her mind!

5. Bilingual in the Boonies - Mami Hen's entries are always a pure delight. She has a witty edge to her entries that keep us readers laughing because we can relate completely!

There are so many more blogs that I love to frequent (even though I am bad and don't take the time to leave a comment!) and which delight me with inspiration, laughter and contemplation. Thank you all for your magical words!

Going Down

2007-04-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I have been going through a hard time the last month or so. But out of it has come my picking up the guitar again after over a year and writing a few songs. My last blog entry was one of those I wrote and here is a second one. This one is about what it feels like when I slip into these "down" periods of time. These times are very hard for me yet I know that ultimately they are necessary for getting myself back on track. This song is my version of what it feels like when this happens and the thoughts that go through my head.

Vocals: Me (Corey)
Guitar: Thomas (my brother)
Drum: Rainer (my husband)

We recorded this twice so I'm including both versions here...

First recording (note: it repeats automatically):

Second Recording (note: it repeats automatically):

I want to thank my good friends who have been the inspiration for my renewed desire to sing again. You know who you are, and you are the reason these songs came into being! Thank you!

Ain't No Time

2007-04-06T22:04:00.000-07:00

After a little video preview in an earlier blog... here is the full song "Ain't No Time" for your listening pleasure. I wrote this song to represent all of us who are doing our little bit to try and change the world but who feel that no one is listening. Thank you my friends for giving me the courage to start singing again.

Vocals and background guitar: Me (Corey)
Lead guitar: Brother (Thomas)
Drum: Husband (Rainer)

(note: it repeats automatically)

Stay tuned for another version since I'm sure we will record it again in another key (this one is a little low for my voice).

I Adore You!

2007-04-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Dear blogging friends: I adore you! I can't say how much you have changed my life. Your words, they influence me for the better every day that I am alive. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your thoughts via your blogs, for taking the time to say what is on your mind, for sharing what is in your heart.

I have come to realize that Nena is right: "Dieses Leben geht jetzt einfach immer weiter, und dieses Leben geht ganz einfach geradeaus" ("this life just keeps going, this life just keeps going straight ahead" is that a good translation, my German-speaking friends?) and you have made it just that much easier for me to accept and to enjoy and to be myself because I don't feel so alone. You have given me the inspiration to keep plodding along, even during the times when it seemed so hard. You have done this through the power of words on a page... your words can change the world!

Thank you!

Gingrich on Bilingualism (or what the heck is he talking about!)

2007-04-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

Thank you Carrie for the link to this story! When I first read it, I looked at the date to find out if it was an "April Fools" story - because I was in shock!

When my family and friends outside of the U.S. ask me what the atmosphere is like here in terms of multilingualism, I realize it is very difficult to pin-point any specific attitude or overarching reactions. This is a big country and depending where you happen to be standing at any given moment, you will find different reactions to the words "bilingual," "multilingual" and "multicultural."

To highlight this point, read this story in CNN and you will get one aspect of a very large and complicated picture. Comments such as, "We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto" from Newt Gingrich are simply from a position of ignorance. Of course, Gingrich's statement primarily has a political goal in the setting in which it was made: he is trying to win over a certain portion of the population by making statements which will ring true with them and to win their political support.

But think of the "cheers from the crowd of more than 100" after Gingrich made the statement that he did. Why are they cheering? Are they really so frightened of bilingualism? Why do they equate bilingualism with the ghetto? Is it not because this is NOT an issue of language... this is an issue of immigration.

Many people in the U.S. are frightened to death of the influence of immigrants. But they are not fearful of all immigrants, only poor immigrants. They are frightened of those to whom the Statue of Liberty beckons with open arms:

Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:

I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

(from "The New Colossus" by the nineteenth-century
American poet Emma Lazarus)

Bilingualism is the catch-all term for "immigration," "poverty," "decline of moral values," "failure of the schools," and "loss of social cohesion." (See my article on Zach and how he was suspended from school for speaking Spanish in the halls!)

On the one hand, a presentation like this from someone like Newt Gingrich makes us multilinguals laugh loud and hard because it is nothing but hilarious: we can see what a mishmash of topics he has tried to thrust together: Bilingual Education, Immigration, Multilingual Voter Information. These are three very distinct issues which can not be answered with one simple statement! And this man wants to run for president!? Yet, on the other hand, this frightens us to death because the audience loves it! They don't care about the nuances of these issues. Gingrich is simply adding fuel to a fire that is already blazing (albeit under muffled breaths sometimes) and that can be frightening to us multilinguals!

Our role in all of this? First of all, we need to remember that the U.S. is a country of contradictions. This is a LARGE country with many differing opinions. This is also often a country of extremes. It sometimes feels that "either you are for it or against it" as our current president has enjoyed using against us and other countries. But we should not cater to this "either or" attitude.

So, what can we do?

Our role is to be vigilant and to continue the following:

Show yourself. We need to continue showing the world that we are multilingual too. We need to be proud of our multiple languages and to not feel we should hide who we are. Don't stop speaking Spanish or French or Arabic or Hindi with your child when you are on public transportation. Continue speaking your language despite what others may think and say. Don't overdo it but also don't change what you already do naturally out of a concern about the reaction of others.
Help to gently educate. It won't help if we force our multilingualism down everyone's throats. As the saying goes, "You can catch more flies with honey." Explain to others why we are multilingual and the benefits that it has overall. If someone says something to you on the bus such as, "Why don't you learn English!" then take a deep breath and create an image in your mind of how frightened they feel and how you threaten them through your being different. Then calmly say, "Actually, I can speak English. However, I have chosen to raise my child bilingually in Spanish AND English. Have you heard about the benefits to the brain that bilingualism can provide?" Then leave it at that. If they become belligerent, move to another seat or ignore them.
Stand up for your multilingualism. Don't let institutions make you feel small about your multilingualism or make you feel like what you are doing is wrong. When you enroll your child in school, make sure the school understands the details of your child's multilingualism and how you are delighted to work with his or her teachers to bridge any gaps that may exist. Foster an understanding in the institutions where it really matters.
Emit inspiration. Be a beacon for the world of multilingualism through your joy and connectedness to your language and culture. Your enthusiasm for your language and cultural mix will rub off on others even without you having to make an effort.

Remember that although there are Newt Gingrichs in this country, there are also Maya Lins and Richard Rodriguezes! Multilinguals DO outnumber monolinguals in this world (even if not yet in the US). It shouldn't be a surprise that people are a little nervous about us. So, let's have compassion but let's not accept their delineations of who we are. And, for goodness sake, we should be helping people out of ghettos, not putting more into them, even if only figuratively!

Think the rest of the U.S. is behind us in our effort to raise our children bilingually, or that they even understand what the terms "bilingualism" and "bilingual education" really mean? Well, perhaps but just barely if you take the poll listed on the left of the CNN article. Last I looked, when asked "Do you agree with Newt Gingrich that bilingual education teaches "the language of living in a ghetto"? only 56% said no. I'm not sure what that means in the whole scheme of things. I'm sure it is more complex than what it seems at face value but it basically tells me that there is a lot of education that needs to happen in this country!

First Jam Session

2007-03-31T21:59:00.000-07:00

My brother, husband and I jamming for the first time! This is a song I wrote recently for those of us trying to help change the world, yet are feeling like no one is listening.

The Whole World

2007-03-31T18:02:00.000-07:00

Here is my brother's fabulous song "The Whole World" - just click and listen! What an artist!

Now that he has embedded this player into my blog, I will upload more songs from him and possibly myself, if I can muster up the courage. :-)

Meeting Tommi

2007-03-24T02:18:00.000-07:00

This past week, Tommi Grover, from Multilingual Matters was in town for the TESOL conference. It was my honor and delight to have the opportunity to meet him after having sent emails back and forth with him and his family for so many years.

Years ago, when I first came up with the idea of the Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network, I did a desperate search for resources. It is no accident that I ended up at the Multilingual Matters website! They specialize in books on bilingualism and multilingualism and are where you will find fabulous books for parents from Colin Baker, Suzanne Barron-Hauwaert and many more!

But for me, the books are only a part of the reason I delight in Multilingual Matters... it is because this publishing house is the "real deal." They were founded and are run by the Grover family and there is simply no kinder family out there than this one! Each member of the family I have had the privilege of being in contact with has been helpful, kind, generous and all-around wonderful. They have offered me advice and have kept me motivated in my efforts to continue spreading support for families raising multilingual and multicultural children.

Basically, there are not enough words of praise in the English language to express how I feel about everyone at Multilingual Matters. It was such a great honor to meet Tommi and I hope we will have opportunities in the future to meet and chat again. I also hope to have the chance to meet the rest of his family sometime in the future.

If you happen to be at a conference and you see the Multilingual Matters booth, make sure to stop by and say hello to Tommi or whomever may be at the booth! They will be delighted!

Alice

2007-03-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

My friend,
my dear friend,
I honor you with my existence,
I celebrate you with my art,
I call out your name and you answer,
no matter how low I have become,
no matter how stupid I have been,
no matter how far away,
I have run.

You never let me wander far from your patient gaze,
you protect me from myself,
you teach me to love again,
that which has always been within me.

Your loving hands,
which lift me up are
characters on a page,
so powerful
so inspiring
so honest and true.

My friend,
my dear friend,
as Rilke says: you “protect my solitude.”
You give me the space to be who I am.
How did you know that I simply needed
time to grow into my own flesh?

I can never thank you enough
for this journey,
for this path,
for sticking with me,
when I have nothing left to say,
nothing left to give.

All I can offer are these two outstretched hands
to thank you
for everything you give,
to thank you
for meaning so much to me.

Belonging

2007-03-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

In this whole expansive world
where do I belong?
Where is that little niche
carved out for me,
just me
only me?
Where is that place
made for my heart to rest
and my spirit to dangle?

How can I know
when it is ok to yell to the world,
to let out a resounding laugh,
a full-bodied cry,
a complete and utter dance of delight?
How can I know
when it is ok to tell you exactly how I feel
without being ridiculed
brushed aside
thought insane?

Why does it feel that all others understand
the ways of the world,
that all have found their places in the world,
each with their circumspect delineation of space and time,
and I
forever running in circles
without direction,
one step spiraling onto itself
again and again
forever overflowing with questions?

There are times when all I want is to belong.
I just want to do what others do,
to feel what others feel,
to appear as if I know what is going on.

All I can be sure of is the touch of hands,
each upon the other.
These hands,
so soft
so suple
so gentle
guiding me,
showing me the way,
reminding me that wherever I am,
I belong.

The Power of Stickers

2007-03-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

My kids love stickers. Being that we have three kids who ignore their mother's pleading to not plaster their stickers on...

the chalkboard
the wood floor throughout the house
the linoleum floor in the bathroom and kitchen
the chest of drawers their father so beautifully refinished
in their siblings' hair
or anywhere else which would make their mother's life difficult

they do it anyway when I'm not looking.

Be this as it may, I have to admit, I give a private chuckle when I see these stickers throughout the house, especially when they appear in strange places. I know how secretive the kids feel they are being when they paste a sticker on the underside of the sink or inside the refrigerator door. They convene in the back room and whisper about the great success of their goal to drive me crazy.

However, stickers can also be a parent's friend.

For example, the other day we were in a bookstore called Half Price Books after a walk to return a DVD to Scarecrow Video. Half Price Books has great deals on books and their clearance books can be purchased for a steal!

While there, we purchased a few homeschooling workbooks from the clearance section ($1 each). One on "Learning To Read" for P and one on "Learning Letters" for C. In the middle were two pages of stickers for some additional learning activities. I told the boys that we'd do the sticker activities after all of the other pages in the books had been completed. We all agreed that this made sense (albeit, after a little bit of whining and complaint).

The catch is, when the boys are "doing homeschooling" with any "homeschooling" books, they need to do them with a parent. They are not allowed to just rush through the book to get to the end. They are allowed to do as many pages as they would like to do in a given day since we do not usually limit them on these types of things. I firmly believe that much of our deepest learning and appreciation for a subject occurs during these times of being completely into what we are doing and having permission to shut off the rest of the world until we are done or have had enough.

Indeed, if there is any overarching problem that we seem to hear about continually in the news and from parent and teacher friends, it is about our children unable to focus on a task, to give it full concentration. But are we, as a society, not feeding our children mixed messages? We say we want our children to learn to focus, but we only permit them a specific amount of delineated time to do so and on tasks that are presented to them externally (think of the prescribed amounts of time for each chosen activity - time for singing, time for playing a game, time for storytime, time for playing outside). I worry that some of our children will lose touch with their own needs and abilities for self-actualization and self-direction, forever waiting for what the next task is, the next external direction telling them what to do.

But I digress...

While we are "doing homeschooling," especially workbooks, if we see that any of the kids are starting to get frustrated, if the material appears to be too difficult, if stopping the activity would be better, then we stop and take a break or move onto something else (often something totally different like going for a walk or running around in the back yard). And we talk to them about this process, help to make them aware of how we react in certain ways when we feel overwhelmed or tired out. Yes, our boys are only 3 and 5 but a discussion on their level in this way can be very insightful for all of us. It is amazing what they will share in terms of the things on their minds. P might share how he feels the same frustration when he can't climb the bars at the park. And C is learning how taking a break feels so good later when coming back to the same task.

So, the other day, when the weather was cold and rainy the boys begged to "do homeschooling" with their "homeschooling" books that they had just got the day before from the bookstore. I figured this was a GREAT idea. I mean, if your child is begging to learn about the letters of the alphabet or to read, who are we to say no, right? ;-)

Five or Six hours later, after breaks for lunch and discussion and the bathroom and playing with the cats and fetching the mail, the boys had each made it through their workbooks. We had talked about each page in each lesson and since the books were not extremely difficult, the boys were able to continue all the way through the books. C made a big jump in his recognition of uppercase and lowercase letters and sounds (he had to read each of the letters of the alphabet on the page in each language before he was "allowed" to color them). I was very impressed since before he had seemed to be fairly disinterested in such a task. He still has a hard time with separating the English and German letters which have similar names: W, V, E, I, A. P's book was a little easy for him but it still helped to reinforce some English vocabulary. To make things a little more difficult, I encouraged him to read the directions to each lesson out loud. It is amazing what a child can read when motivated!

In the evening, the boys delighted in their sticker activities (which, by the way, are simply more reading and letter learning activities.. hee hee). I cut some index cards in half and the boys stuck their stickers on each one to make them into "flash cards" for even more learning fun.

I cherish these days of learning and absolutely love being a part of it. More often than not, the choice of tasks come from the boys themselves. I pay very close attention to where their interests are during any given month and try to incorporate those topics into learning motivation as well. For example, P is still infatuated with dinosaurs and will make every effort to sound out the name of the longest dinosaur name because he is so interested in it. So, the more activities we have around that involve dinosaurs, the more requests come from him to "do homeschooling." And C is in complete awe of his ability to write letters and to create his own words which he demands I pronounce. So, I make sure we have paper and pencils around for him to write, write, write.

I stand in awe of this process and am honored to be able to share in it. For me, homeschooling is a privilege and honor.

Who Killed the Electric Car?

2007-03-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

Watch this fabulous documentary to learn just how much control industries and governments have over our lives and the future of our global environment!

Do you sometimes feel that you really DO want to live more earth-friendly lives but can't seem to find the products to do so? This documentary reminds us that many forces do not want us to live differently than we do. They want us to continue to be the consumers and polluters that we have always been to maintain the status quo (= money in the pockets of those who have something to lose if we truly start to live more environmentally friendly lives).

Be warned, you may very well feel hopelessly helpless after watching this documentary but it must be seen! We can make no change until we know what we are up against. And it does provide some hope for the future. Dedicated humans can change the world, one perception at a time.

When it comes to the Electric Car... who is guilty for its demise?

Is Big Oil guilty?

Is General Motors guilty?

Are consumers guilty?

Is my state of birth, California, guilty?

Is the American government guilty?

Is modern technology guilty?

If so many people were in love with the electric car in California, why were these cars taken off the market and destroyed?

Who is guilty for killing the Electric Car?

You can start by visiting the website: www.sonyclassics.com/whokilledtheelectriccar/ where you can also learn more about the different types of cars, a trailer for the movie, Q&A, links to responsible organizations and companies, and much, much more.

Identity Crisis

2007-03-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

Before any of you think I have totally gone off the deep end, I just wanted you to know that I have simply been going through one of my identity crises. As you can see, poetry and music are really my only ways of communicating and participating in life during these times. These are not sorrowful, depressing times for me. These are days full of exploration and self examination. I truly honor and cherish these times (despite the fact that I spend the whole time apologizing to everyone for my "strange" mood). But I find I can not write in prose, try as I might. My sentences instead appear as long lines of poetic verse.

The thing is, when I "come back out" I am a different person in many ways. I feel I have traveled through my inner subconscious and revisited areas which have long been untouched and untapped. For example, my poem on "Americans are..." is long, long, long overdue and through a conversation with Alice about the way people talk about other cultures in sweeping generalizations (thank you Alice) it triggered my feelings inside which I had never really let myself feel. Letting myself experience my anger about things that have upset me and then actually writing about it through poetry is a release for me like no other!

The same with my feelings of inadequacy, guilt and insignificance. I yell them out to you, to the world, to myself and thereby become just a little more free. Is it not ironic that through sharing my embarrassing insecurities, I end up with a feeling of courage and self-assurance? I am no longer trying to be someone I am not, hiding my weaknesses in the hopes that no one will see.

As I recently told someone (who surprisingly became very dear to me during this time yet we have never met), the last time I went through a major identity crisis the BBFN newsletter (which ultimately turned into the Multilingual Living Magazine) was born. I am never sure what will come out of my inner turmoil (if anything) but I am now fully confident that it belong to my life and that these are precious times to be cherished and protected.

The downside from these times is that my friends and even new acquaintances (my poem titled Friendships With Gods) are the unfortunate victims of my pouring out of whatever is on my mind! And I end up feeling so inadequate, so small, when I compare myself to them. They appear as a gods before me and I a helpless mortal, always making mistakes and needing their guidance and support. Like in Greek myth, when a mortal going about his or her business happens to cross paths with another being. The mortal thinks the other is also fellow mortal but ultimately the latter ends up being a god or goddess, there for a specific purpose - the only give away is a slight scent in the air, a fluttering of wings, the glint of gold. Other times their godliness appears boldly and confrontational.

During this time, I was extremely lucky that I had people with which to reach out and pour out my heart and who didn't judge me. Some I know were with me each step of the way (even if they were a little worried) while others I hope I did not frighten off completely to be lost to me forever. I mean, if you haven't even met me and I share my life story and then go on and on from there, I will understand if you never want to communicate with me again! During these times I simply crave a deeper, more intellectual conversation and end up scaring most people away.

Someone I now hold close to my heart through all of this (although I know nothing more about him other than what he has shared via his soothing words on CD and via his books which I clasped tightly in my hand each day as I rode the bus to and from work) is the poet David Whyte. This man is a genius and has truly changed me completely, inside and out, simply through his words. He gave me the permission to let go, to fall, to dangle and breathe. His descriptions of soul-searching and poetry on his CDs are beyond comparison! I have been YEARNING for the sustenance of such words and fed off them daily, just sobbing from the release they brought me.

And my brother, Thomas, uploaded one of my favorite songs of his titled "The Whole World" just in time – today! I listened to it literally ALL DAY at work, over and over again, and it brought be through this final day of unrelenting soul-searching. It is a song about war and right now we need as many anti-war songs as we can muster! But his song makes you want to jump up and dance, it makes you believe that things will be ok, that our sorrows and frustrations right now really are temporary because we are going to solve this somehow. Wars, no matter where they are in the world, sap our energies no matter where we live. But for those of us in the US right now who are against everything about this war and administration, we need your compassion and your support. Our shame and frustration for what is going on here is a heavy burden to carry.

I think what has happened in the past year is that I have been racing along this path which keeps opening up before me, one step after another - totally magical! I have no idea where it is leading me much of the time but it beacons me and I know it is a good path - my heart is in the right place. But on March 2nd, after the most current issue of Multilingual Living Magazine was completed, I simply collapsed emotionally. Had it not been for the kind words of some very special people, I think I would have just thrown in the towel on the magazine completely. My husband listened to me sobbing at the dining room table days later saying, "I give up, I give up." I mean, after a year of extremely difficult and satisfying work by both Alice and I, the magazine is barely breaking even financially! And it isn't even in print! I can't do it all, Alice can't do it all and we aren't sure what the next steps are either. And, as life would have it, neither of us know anything about marketing, so we get by but funding is primarily through subscribers and a few supportive sponsors/advertisers (most we let advertise in exchange for services or support since they can't afford cash). Luckily, Alice is a strong soul and won't let me give it all up simply because I am having an identity crisis (thank you Alice, AGAIN). Nor will my family - thank you Mom for offering to help! Nor will many of you out there who took the time to offer support and encouragement and the reasons why I do this. I am in awe of the dedication and support all of you provide despite the fact that you receive absolutely NO pay. A volunteer's job must be the most difficult yet the purest form of giving around!

So, you few readers of my blog out there... the truth is I don't know WHAT to do but one thing I do know... I am not going to pretend that I do know and I am not going to put on a staunch, serious Editor-In-Chief face in the hopes that you will think that I do. And now I know that I don't have to. In fact, I know that I simply can't pretend I am someone that I am not (at least for not very long) without it slowly wearing away at my psyche. But on March 2nd, I didn't know I was doing this and I came face to face with the fact that I was scared to death that if I let down my guard, you would think less of me and that I would do the whole magazine, the whole BBFN group, a disservice. I thought that everything I had worked so hard to create would collapse. I must have believed that it was still standing precariously on the image that I had created in my mind a year ago. I had clearly failed to see that it is has really, truly moved on - it is now standing on a solid foundation of its own with dedicated contributors and subscribers who don't care if their Editor-In-Chief is having a identity crisis or not! You are the foundation upon which this all stands and you are steadfast.

The truth is, I am simply a crazy, neo-hippy who tries to live as honestly and true to humanity and the earth as possible. I am a kind person, I am not a greedy person, I am not competitive and I live my life through intuition and a true search for a higher consciousness. I adore the powers of humorous, intellectual wit, the kind which makes you delight in the fabulously unique constructs of images and use of words! The spoken and written word absolutely captivate me. You won't find me in a fancy suit (at least not willingly), I don't wear lipstick (or any makeup at all) and I am fiercely devoted to my husband and children. My plan was to become a Mediterranean Archaeologist out in the dirt each day, evenings with her head in some book or listening to the movements of the tide, but instead I ended up here and although I sometimes wonder what "here" really is, I wouldn't change it for the world. I do Multilingual Living Magazine because I have to do it. The time has come, the world is ripe and we must take this opportunity to help to continue making a place for multilingualism and multiculturalism in the consciousness of this world before it is too late and the opportunity wavers. We need to show the world how absolutely beautiful and magical and emotional multilingualism and multiculturalism are! I am not a graphic designer, I am not a website designer. I simply learn what I have to learn to make this magazine happen and Alice and I create this for us, for you, for everyone, for the world. I can not explain why I do this other than that.

And please know that when it comes to Multilingual Living Magazine, Alice and I are both very professional and expect professionalism on all levels from start to finish. This is one aspect of what often feels like a dual world but is really all about balance between the wild and crazy and the serious and stable. We take the process very seriously. We feel that we have a duty to ourselves, our contributors and, of course, our readers. We take great pride in this. This is why I am so frustrated when I make mistakes! You are paying for quality and we aim to deliver!

So, in the end, I am still here and whole and alive... in fact, I am certain that I am more alive than before. And from all of this, there is one thing I will try to never forget (and all of you writers out there, don't let yourselves forget this either): writers simply NEED to write, I need to write. It doesn't matter if no one is listening, if no one is reading, if no one is seeing what I (we) produce. No matter what, we need to keep creating. All of the glorious words and creative thoughts out there written and created by others cannot satisfy our own needs to write and speak our own words. We each have our ways of bringing forth great creativity and abundance from within ourselves. We must never, ever forget how important it is for us all to tap into that which feeds and waters our soul. Life is simply too short to let it pass unattended.

BE VIGILANT!

My Brother the Artist

2007-03-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

My brother finally posted one of my favorite songs of his:
"The Whole World" which he performed on the radio yesterday.

Listen to it!

When we were growing up in our woodland paradise,
who would have known my brother was already a genius,
waiting to reveal his talents when the world was ready?

You rock Thomas!
Let's make this into a video!
Stop this war!

Friendships With Gods

2007-03-14T06:13:00.000-07:00

Before you go,
before you turn back to your own necessities,
and I to mine,
I hope you know
I meant no harm.

I simply meant to charm you
with my wit,
to delight you
with my eloquence,
to offer you a dance of words,
with outstretched palms.

I didn't mean to become greedy,
to expect more than you could give.
I didn't mean for you to feel compelled to listen,
to the libations of my mind.

I hope you do not think lesser of me
for overstepping my bounds.

When you took that first step towards me,
I knew it would be best to bite my tongue.
Your winged sandals gave you away.

Friendships between gods and mortals
were never meant to be.

-by Corey, mortal

My Words

2007-03-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of pretending
that what really matters
is the color of lipstick
(I don't even wear any)
or the big sale at Macy's,
just to make you like me.

I'm tired of only
the daily demands for
sustenance and repose,
because I worry about my health.

I'm tired of feeling guilty
for not accepting the claim
that power and money will bring true elation,
although its what we're told.

I'm tired of thinking I am the one who needs to change,
to become someone else than who I am,
to stop speaking my mind
and to shut off my thoughts,
because I bore you needlessly.

I'm tired of the idle chatter
which leaves my heart empty.

You write such elegant lines,
your words forming crusty edges
of well-worn experience.
You feed me,
you fill me whole,
so why am I still hungry?

Is it true that the writer will starve
if not fed
at least occasionally
on her own words?

Has it been so long?

But MY words sound so bland,
so worn,
so simple.
They walk so limply,
they laugh so quietly,
they sing so off-key.

My words frighten me,
they betray me,
they reveal my lack of confidence in myself.
They remind me of how tiny and insignificant I feel
when standing face to face with you.
When I try to speak
I am reminded of my pettiness
in the face of your knowledge and worldliness.

Where are you my neglected muse?
Have you forsaken me out of spite?
Has my love affair with the words of others
made you turn against me?
Help me find my strength again,
my inner strength.
Help me find my soul,
the one that has deep pockets of sustenance.
Help me throw away my feelings of inadequacy,
of self-doubt,
of guilt,
of loathing.

How to win you back,
just for a day
or an eternity?

Perhaps it is time to go barefoot again?
Save shoes for another day!

Wholeheartedness

2007-03-11T21:31:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted but sleep won't cure me.
Every hour,
simply biding time.

I feel as if I have given too much
and am now empty,
a shell worn thin
by the sands of of the sea.

What happens to the giver
when there is nothing left to give?

As the gods would have it,
these moments, hours and days of emptiness
are simply a human's way of
shedding the old ways of being.
Underneath the layers
of empty chatter
and the struggle for
meaningless success,
appears a skin so smooth,
so vibrant,
so radiant.

While we weren't looking,
while we were distracted,
our true selves were busy
preparing their entry.

Sometimes it takes the words
of a poet to remind us to let it all go,
that the depths of the soul
are meant to be stirred from time to time.

Yes, David Whyte,
we ARE meant to become allergic to ourselves
when the time is ripe, aren't we?

And yes, David Whyte,
Brother David was right, wasn't he, when he said,
"The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness."?

And yes, David Whyte,
we are hungry, I AM HUNGRY.
It IS the time of loaves and fishes.
And as it just so happens, YOU are
the one good word which has fed me a thousandfold!

Americans Are...

2007-03-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

Your words were meant for someone else.
I know.
But they hurt just the same.

"I don't mean you," you say.
But sweeping generalizations cannot be minimized
by your personal wishes.

If you do not condemn me,
then you still condemn my children,
my mother,
my brother,
my aunts and uncles and
my still unconceived grandchildren.
You condemn my reality as I know it,
the circumscribed lines which delineate my existence.

"But it doesn't mean anything,
it's just a stereotype,
it's what people say," you indicate.
In my eyes, you have merged into the masses,
and I begin to grieve my loss
of what I had hoped would become a friendship.

We all search for uniformity,
to place people and events and things into boxes,
with little labels attached.

I thought you understood that humanity is complex,
that Americans are not all the same,
that a political system does not reflect
the depths of each individual's soul.

Not all Americans were raised with silver spoons in their mouths.
Some of us remember winter months
huddled before the fireplace with mother and brother
because we couldn't afford the cost of heat.
Kind friends having donated wood.

Not all of us had the privilege of free time while
attending high school and college.
We worked low-paying jobs during our off hours
to help ensure our family could buy food and pay the bills.

Not all of us know what it is like to dine in fancy restaurants.
But we do know what it is like to stand in line for food
at the food bank,
and to feel the embarrassment of
paying for groceries with food stamps.

We worked hard to earn the right to dream,
to create,
to learn,
to imagine,
to delight in our successes.

So when you think you are being funny,
are making a well-accepted statement,
are saying something that is deserved,
instead you are condemning me.
You are encapsulating my existence
into your limited ability for compassion,
for humility,
for complexity.

Despite all of this,
I do understand you.
And I wish you well.

I hope someday you will be able to broaden your mind,
your heart,
your soul,
to avoid sweeping generalizations about other cultures.
Despite what you tell yourself,
despite your justification for the lack of carefully chosen words,
despite the fact that you attack me for not being more understanding,
for agreeing,
for simply accepting,
despite all of this,
I am still American.

Why I Do This

2007-03-05T20:20:00.000-08:00

I'm back!

Whew, the March-April issue of Multilingual Living Magazine is out! It took an "all-nighter" and a final completion at 5:00 AM on March 2nd to get accomplished but sometimes that is just what it takes. (The photo above, taken the morning after publication, shows where I do my part of the magazine work.) The only unfortunate part was that this didn't give Alice enough time to do her final editing magic, and I was too sleep deprived to do a good enough job in this area. Thus, a million and one editing errors made it into the magazine. Please forgive this unprofessionalism and check back in a day or two for the newly updated version with errors fixed.

When this happens, I feel like a total failure. I reprimand myself for being so unprofessional and swear that next time I will do better. Alice and I convene to discuss how we can be more efficient (between loads of laundry), more streamlined (while kids are screaming in the other room) and more professional (while dinner is boiling over on the stove). I guess it is just a lot of work for two women who do this all on their own free time for absolutely no pay.

I'm not sure how many people know that Alice and I do the magazine purely as a volunteer effort. None of the subscription or advertising dollars go to either of us. Those dollars go to pay for the website servers, the post office box, the photos we may need to purchase for the magazine, software to create the magazine, and anything else needed to keep the website and magazine going. We do not have enough paying subscribers and advertisers to do more than simply cover expenses and we only have a little extra in the account for unforseen expenses.

We dream constantly about how this will change in the future but for now, Alice and I stay up late into the night and plan during trips to the supermarket to make Multilingual Living Magazine a reality. Of course, we couldn't do it without the fabulous submissions from people around the world, who are also volunteering their time and their gift of the written word. And each of you who are subscribers, have donated your time and money, and who are sponsors are making this all possible!

I have to admit, there are times when I just want to throw in the towel. After working a 10-hour day at my paying job (totally unrelated to magazine production or website creation or publications in any way shape or form), reading books with the kids, getting dinner on the table, brushing teeth, getting kids to bed, the last thing I want to do is work on Multilingual Living Magazine. My husband and I sometimes find ourselves passing in the hall like roommates in a college dorm with term papers due, complete lost in other thoughts. He in his office grading papers and I at my desk or the kitchen table with my little laptop doing the magazine. I cross my fingers that the kids will stay asleep. Or during the day, that the kids will stay focused on their activities long enough to give me the time to accomplish a few pieces of the magazine. As in the photo above, as I work on the magazine, often the kids create their wooden train world or some other construction project or even homeschooling activities. We all sit at the table and "work" away.

At these moments, I ask myself... for whom am I doing this? Does anyone really appreciate it? And if they don't, would I do it anyway? Why do I spend hours on this when I may never see any financial return?

When those moments happen, I often stop everything and start reading through your articles, and essays and columns again. I let myself savor the beauty of your words and images. I let them speak through me... your words spoken with my own voice. You understand what a multilingual life is all about, what a multicultural life entails. You appreciate the intricacies and complexities inherent in being uprooted and bare, groping for an identity which is all your own. You know what it means to be different, to be considered strange and perhaps a little odd.

It takes courage and contemplation to write for Multilingual Living Magazine. You contributors must dig deep into your psyches to put to words unique and personal thoughts and emotions. Or, at the very least, you must be able to put complex ideas and concepts into words that the non-expert can understand, yet without a kind of empty simplicity intended for the disinterested masses. This is no easy task.

So, when I feel completely empty and exhausted and want to throw in the towel, I am reminded of why Alice and I do this, why you contributors do this, why you subscribers take the time to pay your $12 a year. It may mean staying up all night every now and then and I may turn into a sleep-deprived, cranky woman the next day and my husband and friends may need to remind me that it is all worth it... but sometimes that is just the small price we pay for our dreams.

And then when it is all done,
I take the kids to the park...

Wow, I'm Bilingual Too!

2007-02-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

You know those moments when you just kind of realize something AGAIN? It is all there in your mind already. It is in your consciousness and in your thoughts, but you read something or hear something or think about something and say, "Wow, I forgot about that!" And your day changes just a bit or maybe even quite profoundly. Do you have those times as well?

The other day I was reading a simply FABULOUS contribution which François Grosjean had submitted for a future issue of Multilingual Living Magazine (sorry, MLM readers, you will have to wait until the May-June issue to read it) and was reminded again that I am bilingual as well. This might be obvious from an outsider: "You speak German with your children and your husband and with other German speakers, you lived in Germany for two years. Uh, what more do you need to remind you that you are bilingual?"

Well, this is the catch for me: since language learning is part of a long lifetime continuum, when do we finally say, "Yes, I am bilingual!" vs "I am learning a second language."? When does that movement take place where we step from one state of being (language learner) to another state of existence (bilingual speaker)?

Does it partially depend on personality? I am always expecting more of myself and resist ever making a final statement about my mastering anything (there is always so more to learn!). Does this mean I will never really ever say the words, "I am bilingual" since I will never feel that I have mastered the language well enough to have earned that "status"?

And since I know there is a physiological and emotional difference between having learned a language as part of growing up as a child vs learning it later in life, am I truly a bilingual or simply a person who can speak more than one language (with the assumption that bilingual is reserved for having grown up with two languages)? Is this what holds me back from making what seems to be such a bold statement?

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that saying, "I am bilingual" is giving myself a label vs being labeled from an outside source. For example, I work as a Sr. Software QA Engineer, the title that was given to me for the work I do. I didn't even think about this title and ask myself if it fit or not or if I really felt like a Sr. Software QA Engineer. However, my skills and my tasks match what were defined by the company as what a Sr. Software QA Engineer does, so I don't need to analyze anything. Yet, if you were to meet me at a party and were to ask me what I do, I wouldn't start with my job title. Instead I would engage in a more detailed discussion about the products I work on (text messaging for cell phones in different languages) and use many descriptive words and hands-on examples. And I do the same when someone asks if I speak German. My answer is usually a qualified, "Yes, I speak German. In fact, we speak German at home together even though I am not a native speaker. I still make many mistakes, especially with those darn German articles, but I get by." Get by!? Arghhh. How can I raise my children in German if my German is just passable for basic conversation? Am I not giving people the wrong impression? Shouldn't I hold my head up high and say, "Yes, I am bilingual in English and German!"?

But I just can't. It sounds too confident, too bold and oh so final!

Is it modesty that makes me say that? No, I don't think so. Indeed, I am a very modest person but I think is has more to do with the expectations I set for myself. I feel I haven't reached a point where I FEEL like a bilingual. Will I ever reach that point?

Knowing me, I doubt it.

So, despite the fact that my entry is titled, "Wow, I'm Bilingual Too!" you won't find me using that term to describe myself very often. But you might find me in front of the mirror practicing: "Hi, nice to meet you. My name is Corey. Why yes, I am a bilingual, how ever did you guess?"

Reading & 'Riting

2007-02-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

Thank you Kate for asking what we do at home to help our children explore reading and writing in more than one language! I am really enjoying this stage a lot and really enjoy discussing with others what is and is not working for them, so I hope all of you will leave comments on your experiences! The best information I have received for our biliteracy journey (or parenting in general) has been from other parents sharing their tips and us trying those out which make most sense.

We never did anything in particular to strongly encourage our kids to read. We have always had tons of books around (presents from friends and family, $1 books from library sales, books we check out from the library, etc.). We don't have much money so we rarely have the "top" books around that everyone is raving about. We never had any of the fancy "teach your kids to read" programs or anything like that. We read to our kids every day (simply because we love it) and let them ask a ton of questions (even if sometimes it takes forever to finish the story and I'm worn out by the end) and we ask them a ton of questions. On a side note: this has also been helping me to keep up with children's German vocabulary! I read to the children from English or German books, my husband usually only reads them German books. If we read an English book, we usually discuss it in German. When they are a little older and I feel that their German is more established, I won't be as hestiant about discussing things in English as well as German.

When our oldest was around 16 or 17 months old, my mother purchased him one of those Alphabet Puzzles. I complained to her saying that he was far too young and would only lose all of the pieces (or I'd be picking them up all of the time). However, that puzzle was a hit and my son learned many of the letters of the alphabet. A few months later, my sister-in-law and her friend visited from Germany and brought with them two additional puzzles, this time with the letters of the names of our oldest and his newborn brother. Again, our oldest was completely fascinated with the letters and by the time the summer was over, he knew all of the letters of the alphabet (now in German) by heart and could put all of the puzzles together! I was a little amazed. When we went to California for my grandmother's funeral (after a battle with Esophageal cancer), our oldest would call out the names of letters everywhere he saw them. It was truly fascinating to me.

It is important to note that our son was first introduced to the letters in English (with my mother) and then further learning was done in German (our German family and ourselves). Looking back at it, there didn't seem to be much confusion at the time. He simply chose the name for the letter that came first to his mind and that seemed to satisfy him. We didn't pressure him either way and I believe it all just seemed like a game to our son. He would get wide-eyed reactions and praises from adults either way. Some people would correct him if he said the German "Ah" for the letter "A" but since he was so young, I don't think anyone really cared either way. Plus, until we could talk with him about the differences between English and German, it felt a little useless to be correcting him.

We also didn't have any knowledge about not introducing the name of the letter rather than the sound of the letter. I recall a conversation with a German family member who said that this is what they are doing in school now and that we should not be teaching our son the names of the letters! I worried a bit and my husband and I even had a bit of a discussion about it. Luckily my husband is very level-headed and said, "Let's not worry about it either way. He is having fun and is learning something. He is only a year old, for goodness sakes!" And he was so correct. We just let things go and in the end it has been fine. Besides, every few years there seems to appear a new and better way to teach children how to read. New books are purchased, parents are informed of the new method and that is that. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with this (other than the horrible waste of natural resources on getting rid of the old books and printing out millions of new books) but I know that there are many ways to approach learning so I try to just use what I have at my disposal.

Later when our oldest learned to write, he would ask us how to spell something and we'd say something like, "Bee, Eee, Eee" for the word "bee" and he'd ask, "Which Eeee? The one with the three lines or the one with the dot?" Basically he was asking, is it the English "E" letter or the German "I" letter. The same with the letter "A" in English and "E" in German, both with similar names. He'd say, "The one like this?" and he'd draw an "A" in the air, "Or the one with the three lines?" This way of distinguishing between letters was his idea and it has worked wonderfully. His brother, who can also write now, is doing the same in terms of distinguishing between letters that sound the same. One could argue that they could know which letter we are providing based on the language of our conversation at the moment. But it just isn't that simple. Since we are often mixing the languages of the words being spelled and the language of the letters to spell the words, it can get a little confusing, so it is easier for my kids to just ask me which I mean.

Learning his letters early did not mean that our oldest learned to read any earlier. This is what I find so interesting. Just because a child seems to show accelerated ability in one area doesn't necessarily mean that he will just move right onto the next step without missing a beat. All we can do is introduce and see where our children are at and if they are interested and ready. The concept of reading words would take a few more years to "kick in" for our oldest. Again, we never pushed him. We would point to the words as we read them and if this annoyed him, we would stop. Then a few days later we'd try again. We'd pull out a learning to read book (in Germany there are many that have pictures instead of words which the kids can call out - this helps them get a sense of words as meanings on the page and that they follow a certain sequence) and if it was too cumbersome or if the kids just wanted to space out and listen, then we'd just read the words out. Being that I am not a native speaker, we'd have a great time together trying to figure out what the picture was exactly and then looking it up at the back of the book. Mama: "Ohhhh, it isn't a cabbage, it is a lettuce!" The kids: "No way, let's look at the picture again. A lettuce?" Mama: "Yea, look here. It could be an Iceburg lettuce, right? The kind that is in a ball shape. Rather than a Romaine lettuce which has the longer, darker leaves, right?" Kids: "Oh right, Iceburg lettuce, of course. Ok, that makes sense." The kids aren't really reading but they are having a tremendously fun time and I hope they also learn that if you don't have the answer, that is ok. Look it up in the back and talk about it. What fun!

Last year (when our oldest was 4) we purchased a few "learning to read" books based on the phonic method (words that have the same sounds) since he expressed an interest to learn to read. Because I can't make a purchase without first checking out everything I can get my hands on (which includes reading a million reviews and analyzing my children's individual educational needs from many different angles), I spent quite a few days looking into everything I could find. In the end, I pretty much just purchased what seemed to fit my son's interests best and which seemed the most logical learning-to-read approach to me: the "Now I'm Reading" series. I purchased a Pre-Reading book for our younger son and a Level 1 book for my oldest. The pictures are really fun and the stories start with a short sentence and then build upon that based on the specific "sound" that the story is focused on. Each time the child can read the story himself, then he can place an "incentive sticker" on the main page until the 4 stickers are used up.

Our oldest seemed very interested in the books when we first got home after purchasing them but after the first page of the first book, he resisted and refused to take any interest in the books other than just looking at the pictures and asking what this or the other word was. So, we let him just look through them and then put them on the shelf, pointed out to him where the books were located and left it at that. It wasn't until we got back from Germany many months later that he pulled the books down from the shelf and said, "Ok, I'd like to learn to read now." And that was that. He worked through each and every one of the books in a matter of a few weeks. Since then we have checked our more phonics books from the library and he has read through each of them (with our help at first). In addition to the phonics, there are the "sight words" that he learns along the way (for example, the word "the") which he doesn't try to sound out, he just knows now.

A large part of the process is also memorizing the books by heart, which is why we make sure to introduce new books on a regular basis but still continue with the "easy" ones that he has been able to learn. This way he is encouraged by what he can do easily and is more willing to try a new one.

Once our oldest showed such an interest in learning to read, we collected what we had for learning to read in German. Unfortunately, there is a very small selection of books that really work at our son's age since the assumption is that children are much older when they learn to read and the concepts and texts are aimed at children who are a little older. However, we purchased a fabulous book from Alphabet Garten, "Meine liebe Fibel" which does a great job of introducing the letters and providing fun activities. We are doing pretty much the same things in German as we have been doing in English, guided, of course, by the letters provided in the Fibel book. We also brought a bunch (over 300 lbs) of books back from Germany so that we can switch between different books and activities to keep things interesting.

A set of books ("Jo Jo Fibel") that we really like was given to us by the local elementary school which my husband used to attend. Since they are undergoing a whole new way to teach reading, they have a bunch of books that are no longer of use. They were kind enough to give us some! One that we really like is the "Jo Jo Fibel" Arbeitsheft. It goes with the whole set of "Jo Jo Fibel" books but the Arbeitsheft is full of workbook activities which get our son reading and writing and learning phonics. My husband copied the pages so that we can use them over and over again for each child. Since my husband got the kids started in German homeschooling activities, it is funny how often they think I can't possibly help them when they have questions with their German homeschooling work. On the one hand it is great for me since I can do other things. :-)

One day while we were in Toys R Us purchasing a birthday gift, we came across the "School Zone" books which are packed with workbook activities that my kids LOVE! When people ask why my kids beg to "do homeschooling" it is because of books like these. We purchased the Preschool and Kindergarten books for the boys and took them with us when we went to Germany. The boys were simply ecstatic about them and the whole family got involved in helping them with their homeschooling (even though the text is in English). The books cover all kinds of skills that children are supposed to be learning in school: opposites, comparisons, writing, first letters, and much, much more. I'm just sad that our kids got through the books so quickly since it is hard to fine more that are so much fun and such a good price ($10) for so many pages (over 300)!

For a great general book in German, we have been enjoying the "Mein buntes Vorschulwissen" book. It has a long list of skills which are covered in a fun, colorful way. The pictures are great fun and we have fun just going through the book until the kids get tired out. The best thing about the book is that is has ready-made open-ended questions to keep the discussion going. There are some right and wrong answers to things but there is always room to discuss why, which, as far as I'm concerned, is the most important part of learning - the contemplating of ideas and reasoning things out. The desperation of our students to just "get the right answer" above all else is so depressing to me.

The very first photo is of the kids "doing homeschooling" but as my son pointed out today, "Mama, right now we aren't doing homeschooling. We are just coloring." Little does he know that he is learning A LOT about numbers and math as he does his color-by-number books that I got from the clearance section from "Half Price Books" a few weeks ago! These are the little treats that make it all so much fun!

What about our second and third children? What is the status on their learning to read progress? Well, our middle child (3 years old) totally follows in his brother's footsteps and has been writing up a storm. He doesn't write all of the letters correctly but he is loving his new-found ability. He hasn't shown much interest in reading but has been doing some neat pre-reading things like "reading" books to his older brother and younger sister with his own retelling of it. He sits in the middle with his siblings on either side and, in a very mature voice, "reads" them each page at a time and discusses with them what they see on the pages.

Our youngest, age 1, loves to hang out with the boys and imitates whatever the are doing so I can tell she isn't too far behind, limited only by the fact that she is still trying to master speaking. ;-)

Little Bits of Life

2007-02-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

Before falling into bed for the night, I pry loose the following from my daughter's hands as she sleeps:

one baby comb
one mini Tonka truck
one plastic pony
one metal race car

In the middle of the night, my 3 year-old cries in his sleep. His father and I wake up and call out to him to crawl into bed with us. Eventually we all drift off again.

4:30 AM the alarm clock start to sound. I hit the snooze button once, then again and again. At 5:00 I get up, get dressed, pet the cat, brush my teeth, brush my hair, grab my coat and backpack and hat, slip on my shoes and head into the fog. My bus arrives at around 5:30 and by 6:00 I am sitting at my desk at work. It is still dark outside and the office is silent. By 6:30, a colleague or two start to arrive and the day slowly builds as voices echo throughout the floor.

Yesterday, after I arrived at work, the fire alarm went off. They were doing some alarm testing (which no one warned us about) so another woman and I stood in the cold in front of our building waiting for it to finish. Across the street we saw three vans with long satellite antennas sending off the top news story: a man across the street was holding someone hostage in his apartment building. It had already been going on for 5 hours. She and I watched as police cars emerged and disappeared up and down the streets. How ironic that we were forced outside by a fire drill to stand outside on the sidewalk , in the cold, across from a crime scene. At around 6:30 the alarm stopped and we went back in. I sat back at my desk and continued working. I never took the time to find out what happened to the hostage or the hostage-taker.

While we stood outside, one man came out and in a burly voice and a sarcastic smile said, "So, did they kill the guy already?" It seemed funny at the time. Later that day, the thought of it nauseated me.

Well-Adjusted???

2007-02-05T20:08:00.000-08:00

I read Lilian's blog today and couldn't help but take The Neurotic Test. Lilian, are you really a Neat Freak? That is hilarious!

I am completely surprised that I came up as Well-Adjusted. What, the heck!? I am certain that I am at least partially neurotic - in fact, I bite my nails to the very stub just for the heck of it. But hey, thanks Neurotic test, I'm feeling well-adjusted already! In fact, I don't even feel like biting my fingernails right now! Gosh, maybe I am well-adjusted. YIPPEE!!!

Well-Adjusted

You scored 50 anxiety, 43 awkwardness, and 40 neuroticism!

You scored low in all categories--so there's no need to worry! Not that you were worrying, anyway. You are so Well-Adjusted that I almost feel the need to worry for you.

Your low anxiety score implies that you are able to relax, can enjoy the here and now, and have a healthy amount of self-confidence.

Your low awkwardness score implies that you are socially capable, are personable and charming, and probably go to parties and have fun.

Your low neuroticism score implies that you don't exhibit subtle neurotic behaviors--your nails are probably an acceptable length, your pencils aren't covered with bite marks, and your bookcase isn't arranged alphabetically by genre. Congrats!
__

See the other results!

Well-Adjusted

The Neat Freak

The Dork

The Geek

Phobic

Obsessive-Compulsive

The Subtle Neurotic

The True Neurotic

Link: The Neurotic Test written by littlelostsnail on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Homeschooling by Ferry

2007-02-01T23:34:00.000-08:00

The most important thing I have learned in homeschooling my children is to try and make it as enjoyable as possible - for everyone. This doesn't mean I don't encourage my kids to finish a project they started or to try out something new. It simply means I look for ways for them to learn things via less obtrusive, boring, dry ways. It is a total hoax that learning must be a struggle, a fight, and something that makes us want to get away from as fast as possible. It is like those people at work who always pretend that they are busy and have something "really, really important to do" so that others will leave them alone - always trying to get out of work, get out of one more task. What they are really doing is making their lives very stressful and are limiting themselves from truly enjoying their work.

My goal is to help my children respect learning by the very fact that they see the power of it and the sheer joy it can bring. To learn something new gives us courage and strength and widens a world which before may have seemed small, limiting and frightening. I hope my children will see learning as an avenue for having fun and making life worth living. But, as usual, I digress...

What I really wanted to write about was our homeschooling day today, which you'd have a hard time separating from just being a really wonderful day. Of course, I chose not to take my camera so I don't have photos to include...HERE are some that I quickly found via a google search.

Basically today we used all kinds of skills: math, vocabulary, social studies, history, physics, and much more while having a wonderful time.

First we rode the bus downtown, really just for the heck of it. We headed out at around 11:00 AM. Homeschool Topic #1: Among other things, we read all of the bus numbers as they came along, we read the price of my bus ticket ($1.25 off peak) and we discussed the different colors or cars as they drove by - all while we waited for our bus.

We started by making our way to Pike Place Market. A visit to the market is always a joy. The unique shops and wacky people just bring us all down to earth and remind us of our humanity! We purchased some mini donuts at the market but since I didn't have any cash (only checks and a credit card) the lady said, "Listen, this costs $2 and rather than writing out a check, the next time you are at the grocery store, donate $2 to the local homeless shelter. They really need that money this time of year and haven't been getting many donations." What??

Ok, let me share something that I have noticed my whole life: those who have very little and who are just making ends meet are often the most generous people around. Is that not just totally ironic? Why does it take living near the edge of poverty to make us more compassionate, more sympathetic, more humble? Homeschool Topic #2: My kids and I talked a lot about money and homelessness and shelters and how we will donate much more than $2 to a homeless shelter the next time we go shopping - and why. And why we are going to purchase a Real Change the next time we see someone selling one (I haven't purchased one for a while). We talked about what it is like to live without a home and without money to buy food and why we are so thankful that we have such a comfortable life. We talked about THINGS and why we want to learn to live with less of them and how they can make a person focus more on the things and less on humanity. Ok, we used different vocabulary since we are talking about a 5, 3 and 1 year old, but that was the gist of it.

We then walked to the end of Pike Market (where I used to work before AOL purchased our company and we moved to Lake Union) and looked out at the Puget Sound and the Olympic Mountains in the distant. Homeschool Topic #3: We discussed how mountains are formed and why the Olympic still had snow on them even though Seattle didn't. We talked about what was on the other side of the mountains and how the waterways were formed between us and the Olympics. We also talked about sound (since highway 99 was right below us and was very loud) and why when we walked back from the railing, it was much more quiet.

We then walked down to the waterfront and purchased hotdogs and then soft serve ice cream cones. Not much of a healthy lunch. I think the kids would probably have received something healthier in school... but well, that is the whole fun of homeschooling - I know what they are eating and can add more veggies to dinner. ;-) Homeschool Topic #4: We discussed why there were so many boats and why it smelled so funny (the oil on the wood). We talked about the remodel of the Aquarium and why they might have decided to remodel it. We talked about the finances involved to do such a remodel and the support of the local businesses and communities. We also talked about why ice cream drips and how turning it every few licks really helps keep it from falling on your hand.

The highlight of the day was when we decided to take a ferry ride from the waterfront to Bainbridge Island. It cost a little over $6 for me to ride (the kids were free) but that included the ride back as well. We rode along with mainly commuters who where heading home early after work. We got to see the beautiful Seattle skyline and the kids called out, "The Space Needle, the Space Needle" when they spotted it. Homeschool Topic #5: We talked a lot about water and why the ferry made uniform waves and why the ferry rocked from side to side sometimes. We talked about the wind and why it was so strong when we walked on the sides of the ferry and not so much in the middle behind the walls. We talked about why the wind could knock us over if it was strong enough and why it was sometimes hard to breath when the wind was so strong against our faces. We watched the seagulls keep up with us as they flew along and talked about why it seemed that they flew in place. The ferry ride took around 30 minutes so we had a lot to talk about.

When we arrived on Bainbridge Island, P saw a DHL truck and said, "Oh, they have those in Germany. Mama, do the people here on this island speak English or German?" After an internal chuckle, I said, "We are still in the United States, in fact, we are still in the Seattle area. To get to Germany we'd have to fly in a plane. Most people here on this island speak English." C heard the part about flying in a plane (but seemed to have missed the rest) and so for the rest of the day he kept asking when we'd get to fly in a plane and that I said we'd be flying in a plane. Needless to say, he is fascinated with the seaplanes which you can find everywhere in Seattle.

On Bainbridge Island we walked along the footpath to the little downtown. Homeschool Topic #6: Along the way was a memorial and we learned about why the island was named Bainbridge. P talked about this history again later after dinner (which delighted me since it made me realize just how much he retained!) and the boys were filled with images of great battle ships and being captured during wartime. We talked about history in general and how long ago Bainbridge was alive and how American Indians were probably living on the island long before Europeans arrived.

M fell asleep in the stroller and the boys played in the playground across from the post office until it was time to catch the ferry back. Homeschool Topic #7: Having fun without talking about anything. Doing recess! When the kids slid down the extra tall slide, it was all about just sliding.

We were all a little worn out from our long day and spent much of the ferry and bus rides back just spacing out. Those quiet times together after a full day of conversation and learning are simply delicious. Homeschool Topic #8: Providing time for just doing nothing. Since we are homeschooling, it means we can help work this into our schedule. We don't have any school bells and there are not prescribed times to focus on specific topics. So, when we are all just mellow, it is time to sit back and just let the day pass. No need to talk, no need to do anything other than just be.

All in all, since we arrived home at around 5:30, we were out and about for 6 and a half hours. Not bad for a homeschooling day!

Later, after we were all settled in for the night, I realized just how much learning we had actually done throughout the day. And me? Often people ask how I can handle homeschooling. Well, I felt completely refreshed from the wonderful ferry rides and could only think of how much I truly love homeschooling.

Homeschooling Topic #9: Taking time to pat ourselves on the back. Whether we are homeschooling or not, we need to remind ourselves just how much our children ARE learning from us and that we can always fill in what appear to be gaps along the way. And it IS ok to be having a wonderful time homeschooling!! Let yourself bask in the joy and elation that it brings. It doesn't have to be drudgery to be working.

The Motivation of Friendships

2007-01-26T15:31:00.000-08:00

Motive, noun
That which incites to action; anything prompting or exciting to choice, or moving the will; cause; reason; inducement; object.

For years I have been fascinated with "intention" and "motivation." That which causes us to do something; the initial impetus that spurs us to action. When it all comes down to it, everything we do has a motivation behind it. Even if I don't think I can explain why I do something (or choose not to do something) often when I think about it, there is some explanation behind it. I had something in mind which guided me to take the first step, make the first inquiry, even if I just thought it would make me a happier person.

But what has really made me think about this has come from my interactions with others. Why is someone kind to me? Why does someone choose to contact me? Why do they make the effort to make friends with me, to call me, to email me and discuss issues that interest me? Do they do so because they expect something in return? Do they stay in contact with me because they feel wonderful when they are in contact with me, because they appreciate who I am, because they enjoy spending time with me, because our discussions inspire them?

And all of the same questions vice versa from my side!

There have been times when I misunderstood pure motivations from someone and consequently failed to follow through with a potential friendship. There have been times when someone made friends with me because they wanted me to do something for them or they were trying to get something via contact with me. And even times when a supposed friendship was a one way street - I was supposed to offer support and listen and be friendly but when I wanted support and someone to listen to me, I was brushed aside. Unfortunately, I usually don't realize these situations until after the fact and I end up feeling very used and hurt and withdraw again into my private shell where no one can hurt me. As with traumatic episodes in general, these are hard to forget and difficult to recover from.

It is hard to know the true motivations of others so I end up just doing my best by trying to pick up on clues that are available. The tone of voice, the purpose for the conversation, the choice of words and the intonation. These all start to form a picture of the person with whom I am having contact (and I assume they do the same with me). Sometimes we walk around one another, taking time to understand the other. Other times we just jump in, take the plunge, open our hearts and minds and souls with the pure hope that the other will protect us as we travel along in our budding friendship.

I will continue to contemplate motivation and its role in my life. And I will continue to allow others into my world, taking the chance that they have ulteror motives but assuming that they have only pure intentions (unless it is proven otherwise). And I will continue to keep my heart open and my spirit full and to offer my friendship fully. I know I run a bit of a risk here but my hope is that others will take as much responsibility for their motives as I am of mine.

Ironically, I have found the most understanding connections and support from people I have never met in person! I sometimes wonder if this is a sign that something is wrong with me - too shy, insecure or self conscious? And I have been known to fall into a sort of love with someone's words, their ability to describe things so exactly and perfectly. Words can be a kind of drug: sweet, heavy, all-consuming and obsessive - always wanting more. Concepts, ideas and perceptions revolve my world: observations, contemplations, discussions. And friendships based on this can be formed via email or telephone or IM in our technologically swollen world.

Thus, until I have proof that I have some kind of personality disorder, I prefer to believe that I have found friendships across continents via cyberspace because finding others who can share in and appreciate my unique idiosyncrasies is hard. Others who wish to communicate with me on all levels sometimes just can't be found in my neighborhood or even in the city where I live. Sometimes it takes a place as big as our world to find others who can understand us well enough to keep us just a little bit more sane.

This Is Where I Want To Be

2007-01-23T08:23:00.000-08:00

I want to be in South America traveling in the Yoda Van! Allison and Matthias, you guys are my heroes! So many of us talk about traveling for a year with our kids but you guys are actually doing it! Look at you go, woooohooo! These photos are from your first blog entry, I hope you don't mind me stealing them - they are so great!

Allison is American and is married to Matthias who is from Germany. They have two wonderful bilingual boys. We got to know them in our local German language playgroup, Kinderstube, and quickly became friends. Perhaps it is our mutual die-hard hippy perspectives that brought us together? We both drive VW vans (ok, we don't actually DRIVE ours right now since it is broken down but one day we will drive into the sunset again with our Vanagon!) and they used to drive a Eurovan but sold it for an air-cooled VW van (the Yoda Van) for their year-long trip. Way to go hippy friends! Drive on, drive on!

When we heard they would be quitting their jobs, selling their Eurovan, purchasing an air-cooled VW van, and driving south through the Americas for a year with their two sons, we were in awe. What a fabulous thing to do. This is the kind of experience that can define you for a lifetime, for many lifetimes! How envious I am of you guys. You are actually living your dream.

I remember travels in our VW Camper Van when I was young. Those are some of my most wonderful memories. It isn't really any of the actual events that stick in my mind, it is more the overwhelming feeling that overcomes me when I think back on those trips from California through Mexico. There was something that felt like total freedom, the unknown unfolding before us, even though I was only a child. I remember wind in my hair as we drove along the desert roads and drawing pictures of what I saw pass by on the fold-out table in our VW. This is a taste of travel and freedom that has stuck with me for my entire life and has helped to define who I am inside and out. This may even be the source of the joy that I feel each time we take our road trips from Seattle to California and back.

I long to see what Allison and Matthias are seeing, to smell the saltwater, feel the sand and sun but most of all, to simply be there, that place which is different and so foreign. To live, even for just a little while, in the unknown can be so eye-opening and the world can take on new meaning. And knowing that for the next year, the world is your oyster, all yours for the making.

However, I also cherish my home and knowing what each day will bring. I guess in the end what I want is to have both worlds (between worlds again). I want to have my home, my income, my security half of the year and then the other half, I want us to have the freedom to travel, to roam, to see the rest of the world, to live without having to plan out tomorrow and the next day and the next. Is this too much to ask for?

Unfortunately, my husband and I haven't figured out how to make this happen for us. In the meantime, I will travel vicariously through the lives of those who are winding their way through the unknown, like Allison and Matthias. Maybe Rick Steves will contact us and ask us to travel the world for his "family vacations through the back door!" Here we are Rick, give us a call! We can be packed up in an hour, I swear! And no, I'm not kidding, give me a call!

Make sure to check out "Travels of the Bay Family and the Yoda Van" here: blogs.bootsnall.com/TheBays. Enter a comment, say hello from wherever you are! They will love it!

Around the House

2007-01-21T17:13:00.000-08:00

I was looking through some photos from 2003 and came across these of our house remodel. We own a 1911 craftsman home. When we first saw the house and considered purchasing it, I said, "No way! I wouldn't even want it if it were free!" The reason is because it was DARK and smelled damp. The rugs were dark brown, the wood was dark brown, everything seemed like what it was: a student rental. The bathroom had a moldy ceiling, and on and on.

However, when the owners agreed to sell it to us for a price that we could afford (R was still a student working on his PhD at the time) we figured we had to go for it. We knew we wouldn't find a price like that for a house in this area. But it has meant years of remodeling since we can't afford to have someone do it for us (plus, it ends up that my husband is REALLY, REALLY good at this).

In 2003, R and I decided that to really make the house livable, we would need to replace the old lath and plaster walls with drywall and in the process put in insulation in the outside walls (the drafts in the living room in the winter were deadly). So, while I was pregnant with C, the big remodel began. All rooms other than the kitchen, back bedroom (which already had drywall and insulation) and the bathroom were to get new drywall. What happened is this: I went to work one day and when I got home, I opened the front door and saw something like what you can see in the second photo.

It was a tough time since dust was everywhere and I had to be careful since I was pregnant. R had to do much of the work himself which was no fun for him. Luckily, when my mother and brother came for a visit, they could help (I included a photo of my brother playing guitar and P) and when R's brother came for a visit, he helped put up the drywall. We now live in a wonderfully light, warm, cheerful home thanks to R's continuing work on our home. The best part is that he has learned so much through the process. I wonder if there is anything he couldn't do on the house now? How did he learn it all? From friends and books.

The most frustrating part was that we had just refinished the floors (I will NEVER, EVER do that again!) and had new drywall put up on the ceiling (too difficult for R to do himself and something had to be done about the glue spots on the ceiling after R and his brother removed the asbestos - another great story!). Talk about incorrect order of things. We were supposed to have started with the walls, then had the ceiling drywall put in and finally done the floors. Oh well, we never were ones to think through things very well. The second to last photo is of the dining room after the drywall was up and painted. Where is the molding? Well, that is another story... it took another 6 months before that went up. R spent most evenings in the basement planing and finishing each and every piece. The result? Beautiful molding that has made all the difference in the house! R is in the last photo putting up the newly finished molding. Unfortunately, you can't see the color very well.

Short It Is

2007-01-20T00:42:00.000-08:00

Ah, it is so nice to have so much of my hair gone. Like starting over, beginning again. Kristin at the Caruh salon was fabulous! She asked me questions, listened to what I said I liked and didn't like, pulled out a book of photos and we decided together what would be a good style. Wow, I was really impressed. Of course, as expected, the scalp and hand massages were great. I think I really need some pampering. ;-)

Here are a couple of photos that I took a few minutes ago. They don't really do the haircut justice since the lighting is poor in our bathroom (by the way, check out that cool, retro tile we have in the shower/bath. Ackkk, I hate it! Was there when we bought the house).

The catch will be how the cut withstands my not doing ANYTHING fancy with it. I'm a wash and go kind of gal. Now that it is winter and too cold for that, I'm a wash at night, quick blow dry and sleep kind of gal which means I often wake up with one side flat against my head. Anyone have that problem as well? Any advice?

How Short Should I Go?

2007-01-19T12:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't had a haircut since my last one in August, right before going to Germany (CLICK here to see a photo of me and Alice). And since I am giving a seminar next week, I decided I need to get a haircut so that I will look at least semi-professional. I mean, who wants to participate in a seminar with someone who looks like she can't even take care of herself! (At least no one can see the mess of a house we have - but, I digress...)

The question is how short should I ask them to cut it? I am extremely UN-photogenic and have this face that looks horrible in photos no matter what I do, so I can't really tell which length is best. When I got my hair cut really short right before C was born, I got quite a few compliments. But having it that short means I lose a lot of my natural curls. Yet, when my hair is long, it seems to bring out features that I'd rather forget I have... like that jowl that I inherited from my grandfather (sorry grandpa, but it is true) and which it looks like my kids inherited as well. Sigh.

Well, I go into the salon this afternoon so we'll see what I end up with. I'll probably decide while I'm sitting on the chair, after they give me that great scalp and hand massage with relaxing oils. A scalp and hand massage for a busy mom with three kids is enough to make me say, "Just chop it all off... be done with it. And can you give me just one more massage?"

How A Playmobil Catalog Taught My Child To Read (ok, not really, but it is helping)

2007-01-18T13:36:00.000-08:00

Kate asked about my kids learning to read, which I will definitely blog about soon - thank you for the reminder!

In the meantime, I wanted to thank Playmobil (and other toy manufacturers) for their free color catalogs. My oldest son (5 years old) simply LOVES looking through toy catalogs. Right now, his favorite is the Playmobil catalog that he picked up from a toy store a few months back. He sits for hours and peruses each page in detail, announcing which things he will want to have in the *near* future. The hilarious part about these catalogs is that they have actually been helping my son learn to read... or better said, helping him WANT to read. He wants to know what each section says and the name for each item. Ok, I know, he does this because then he can say, "Mama, I want to have the 'Zoo Superset' for my birthday!" On some level I feel like I am completely encouraging consumerism. But hey, he's reading! And what better way to use phonics than on a word like Superset!

The additional benefit of the Playmobil catalog is that they list a specific toy number for each item! Yippee! This means, when my son wants something specific, I say, "Ah, interesting. So, what is the name of the item? And what is the item number?" Hee hee. No, I don't ever say he will get the toys. I always say that when his birthday gets closer we can talk about the items again. Plus, later he forgets these details of our discussion after he has moved onto other toys. In the meantime, however, he is very seriously reading words and numbers.

Just a few minutes ago he asked me, "Mama, what does this say?" I asked him to try and sound it out. So, word by word he sounded out "The... new... Tractor... on... the... Farm!" He looked to me for confirmation and then smiled. He repeated it again, "The new tractor on the farm!" and then went onto the next page, proud of having sounded it out all on his own. I mean, look at that page with the words all surrounded by sunflowers and a burst of yellow! Who wouldn't want to sound out those words. They look simply delicious!

So, I say, "thank you Playmobil" for helping the world of literacy. Now, can you make your toys just a little less expensive!? My son has requested the whole Zoo, Farm, Viking and Castle collections... for now. Next month he'll have a new list. Hmmm, actually, now that I think about it, maybe this whole reading thing wasn't such a good idea.

For the Love of MAOAM

2007-01-17T16:11:00.000-08:00

I have a weakness for MAOAM. Those fruity flavors, that chewy texture. I generally like fruit-flavored candy but nothing matches MAOAM. I'm not surprised that my kids love these little guys as well. And I won't even go into the joy we have when we open one of those mega-mix packs! Mmmm! I haven't found them in the US yet, which is GOOD! If you know where to purchase them here, don't tell me! Spare me the extra pounds that I really don't need!

Meet Moritz

2007-01-15T17:06:00.000-08:00

Here kitty, kitty, kitty...

We finally did it, we got a cat! We looked through pages and pages of adoptable cats at petfinder.com and decided on this wonderful guy. We picked him up on Wednesday evening in the middle of another Seattle snow storm. It took us HOURS to get up to the Lynnwood PAWS and back since everyone was trying to get home before the snow turned to ice. I think I chewed down three or four fingernails on the drive up since I was afriad we'd not make it. Good thing we stuck with getting him on Wednesday since the next day everything was snowed in.

The kids decided to name him Moritz... I am assuming they must have read some story with a character named Moritz - I can't think of any other source for the name since it isn't a common American one.

Moritz is a perfect cat! He tolerates the chaos of the kids (even joins in a lot), is very playful (loves to chase strings and a little feather toy we purchased) and purrs like crazy when he is in his mellow mood and is looking for attention. When we first took him out of the travel box, he was extremely curious but came and snuggled up to each of us as he checked out his surroundings. And what silken fur!

The people at the shelter said that he is around 1.5 to 2 years old. They found him wandering the streets of Arlington. His vet check-up shows him as being in perfect health and he is current on all of his shots. He is also no longer able to help make kittens as of last Tuesday. Awww, poor guy.

The only dilemma we have is that one of our boys possibly has a mild cat allergy. We just got Mortitz on Thursday so we are going to give it some time to see how things go (as well as consult with the pediatrician and the vet). If worse comes to worse, we'll have to give Moritz back to the shelter where we found him so that another loving family can adopt him. I can't imagine that would take long since he is so wonderful!

In the meantime, until we know for sure about any allergies, we are going to start by following the advice from some pamphlets we got from the shelter:

Wash Moritz once a week with a pitcher of warm water (this should remove a large amount of the dander which causes allergies)

Keep Moritz out of the bedroom

Possibly get a HEPA air filter (I will do some searching on the internet)

Clean the floor with a damp mop and the furniture with a damp cloth.

There is more that we can do but we'll start with this and see how it goes. I don't think Moritz (or us) is going to like the washing-with-a-pitcher-of-water part at all but maybe it will go better than we think? Either way, if that helps it will be worth it!

Living Between Worlds

2007-01-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

My husband and I live between many different worlds and belong fully and completely to very few. When I first used the title, "An American Between Worlds," it was from an essay I wrote for the first Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network newsletter.

But over time, I have come to realize that living between worlds is more than just language and culture for me. Living between worlds is the result of the accumulated choices my husband and I have made to live a fuller life. Perhaps it has to do with wanting to have our cake and eat it too? Why must we limit ourselves to one choice, one group, one reality? I'm not asking that the society in which I live change its most basic structures and nuances. I am simply wanting to live in it in a way that matches my image of who I am on all levels.

The choices of language and culture in my life are simply the result of having fallen in love with someone from another culture and wanting to understand him completely. How can I understand who my husband is if I can not speak his language, have never lived in his country, have never spent time with his parents, siblings and cousins? I need to walk on the soil of his family's small, now-retired dairy farm; I need to smell the halls of his university and meet his friends; I need to taste his favorite foods and to squint when the winter sun hovers just over the edge of the horizon at noon and to then run home and snuggle on the rug in front of the heater in our tiny two-room apartment which had no shower or hot water and our toilet half way down the building's staircase. I needed to live with my husband in his world to understand him, to be able to be a part of his life. But to do so has meant to compromise my comfort and security, to step over an invisible threshold and to stand between two worlds, never committing to either fully yet cherishing both completely.

The same is true for other aspects of my life. My husband and I are homeschooling our children which has meant we have become friends with a whole new group of families (and unfortunately has made others choose to not have anything to do with us). But even in this choice we do not belong 100%. We are homeschooling while also both working part time. This means, we have to be extremely creative with how we go about this, a level of creativity that many other homeschooling families do not have to deal with (and which coworkers can simply not quite understand how we cope). We are unable to participate fully with the plethora of activities, events, gatherings and more that our local homeschool group organizes each month. Thus, we live a little on the edge of this world, not fully able to participate yet commited fully.

And what about working part time? I work in an office where most employees work full time and more. Our country has not yet come to appreciate the benefits of letting skilled workers who want to work part time do so. Working part time offers my husband and me a balance in life between participating with other adults out there in the world while at the same time giving us the space to be parents of three children and to foster our private nest at home. Living between these two worlds is often the most difficult, in part because there are so many unspoken judgements that are placed on us from society as a whole. In addition, we live at the whim of others who can influence our standard of living so completely. If we were to lose our jobs, our incomes would disappear and from there many changes would take place. Not that these changes would be bad, they would simply be placed upon us without our wanting them to take place. So, we are forced to work hard on this balance - not letting our jobs take over too much of our lives and not letting ourselves forget how important our jobs are for our family's livelihood.

Then there is Multilingual Living Magazine. Ah yes, this magazine is in a world of its own. It itself straddles worlds, cultures, languages, families. Each issue makes me realize how little Alice and I actually shape it and form it. We simply start the ball rolling, lay out the foundation, set up the canvas and then stand back and watch as others complete their creations. We then we put these creations on display for others to enjoy as much as we do.

This is my life between worlds; an American between worlds. Somehow, when I am not looking, these worlds fit themselves together and create something colorful, rich, fascinating, boring, frustrating, stressful, joyful, amazing and exactly what my husband and I have always been looking for.

The Measure of Success

2006-11-29T14:08:00.000-08:00

"Mama, mama, did you hear that? Marie said 'ball'! 'Ball' is Marie's new word!"

My 5-year old and 3 year-old sons run from the living room to the kitchen to tell me this great news. Their eyes are wide with awe: yesterday their little sister couldn’t say the word "ball" but today she can! Their joy is infectious and it reminds me that each step in this magical process is a wonder to behold. How could I ever take this for granted?

My daughter simply wants to make herself understood yet could it also be that she is relishing in the fact that she can finally imitate the sounds that she hears around her? And I often wonder these days whether she views words differently. For example, does "ball" have more or less importance, difficulty or sense of success than "grrrr-ruff, grrrr-ruff" (the sound she makes for a dog) to her? Does she realize at her one and a half years of age that "ball" is the item and that "grrrr-ruff, grrrr-ruff" is the sound a certain animal makes? When will that realization take place? Or does it happen gradually? Do we need to learn something like that or does it slowly just appear in our understanding of language and grammar? No matter what is happening in that little mind of hers, it is going a mile a minute and watching her little mouth learn to pronounce words is an absolute joy for the whole family.

With their English-speaking grandmother around for a few weeks, my sons have been asking for more translations than usual. Sometimes it is from English to German, other times from German to English. "Mama, was ist 'graben' auf Englisch?" my 3 year-old asks. "Dig," I tell him. "To dig in the dirt. Or, I am digging a hole in the sand." He thanks me and runs to my mother and says, "Grammy, I want to go outside and dig in the dirt."

It surprises me that a 5 year-old and a 3 year-old understand the concept of translation. They seem too young to understand this. But perhaps this is simply the result of growing up bilingually? Why wouldn’t they understand the concept of translation? It most likely comes naturally to them to realize that there are one-to-one translations for the specific words they don’t understand. How many times has their daycare provider or grandmother or other people asked, “What did you just say? Can you say it in English? I don’t understand German.” Course, for someone who never completely learned grammar rules until she studied Ancient Greek and Latin in college, a child comprehending language constructs of any sort is pretty amazing to me.

All three of our children have tended to first focus on speaking everyday words that are similar or have similar sounds in both languages: ball/Ball, milk/Milch, house/Haus, bread/Brot, more/mehr, go/gehen. I usually don’t give this much thought since I speak both German and English but it is when my mother, an English-only speaker, is around that I realize how this process impacts our everyday life so directly. It is amazing how these words do the job even if only the first sounds are spoken. When my daughter says, "mich" it could either be milk or Milch - either way, she gets what she needs. Or when she wants to go outside, she tries out different variations of "guh" and with a pointing finger toward the door (and the fact that she has a hat, a jacket and boots on) it is pretty obvious to everyone that she is trying to say "go" or "geh(en)". But what it all comes down to is that my mother understands her and assumes that what she is saying is "go" and a German-speaker understands her and assumes she is saying "geh(en)". Either way she has made herself understood - talk about a conservation of sounds!

In the end, when asked how "successful" we feel we have been so far in raising bilingual children, I look at the expanse between each little step and realize just how far we have come as well as how much more there is to explore. We are in a jungle of language and culture, winding our way through vines, delighting in new plants and species as we traverse. There is no ultimate destination; there is no final point of "success". Yet, if we look to the small goals which we subconsciously set for our families, then I'd say that my overarching hope for my children is for them to have the ability to make themselves understood across both of their families' cultures and languages. If both my husband's mother and my mother can understand what my children are saying, explaining, requesting, describing and discussing without feeling that they are different, that they belong to "the other" culture, then I will feel a sense of success.

The irony behind having such a goal is that I don’t think it will never completely be reached... I am still growing in my ability to communicate in English, let alone German, and although I am American through and through, the fact that I am married to a German and lived in Germany means that all of my words and choices are influenced, to some degree, by German concepts and ways of thinking. I am no longer "just" American anymore. I am the composite of many pieces, all of which are so ingrained I wouldn’t be able to separate them out.

So, I doubt whether we, as a family, will ever feel that sense of accomplishment and success that completing a task brings with it. In the end, we know that we are moving in some direction and it seems to be a good direction. It does often feel like the "road less traveled", especially living in the US, and at times, just that feeling keeps me motivated and excited about this journey.

In my next blog I want to share my utter joy in watching my 5-year old learning to read! I'm not sure when it finally all clicked for him but the other day he pulled down his little learning-to-read books (in English) and hasn't stopped. We probably would have started with German books but we couldn't find any as good as these English ones.

I am excited to say that there will be a lot of information in our January issue of Multilingual Living Magazine from experts and parents on how to help your bilingual child learn to read! I think many of us are interested in what they have to say!

Meeting Alice

2006-09-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

I'm often torn between love and hate for our technological world. On the one hand, I cherish email. I am enamored by Instant Messaging. Being able to call my husband while I am riding on the bus to find out if he is picking up our kids from daycare is invaluable. But at other times I can't stand the attention my little laptop receives from me. My children can be pulling on my sleeve crying out, "Mama, mama, look at what I just made" and my response is a distracted, "Oh, right, yes, mmm hmmm, just a second, let me finish this email". My husband says, "Just shut the darn thing off!"

What it all comes down to is balance. I need to simply outline my priorities and set time for each. Spending time with my family is my top priority (why else have I made the effort to only work three days a week) but I also need time at home for things that are not family related, like the Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network and Multilingual Living Magazine!

Many months ago, I came across a few blogs from bilingual/bicultural families like mine and soon was in email contact with a the writers. They were eager to be in contact, as was I, and soon we had formed friendships. Most I only know via their written words: I have never heard Lilian's voice and I don't even know what Clo looks like. It doesn't really matter to me that I am unable to meet with these new friends in person. There is something so meaningful about knowing what is REALLY on their minds; topics that wouldn't necessarily come up via in-person chats over coffee or tea. When I meet others in person, I rarely discuss the intimate details of making a bicultural relationship work or how torn I feel not being able to live in more than one country at the same time.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I am the one who keeps verbal conversations simple and superficial. Maybe when I hear the words come from my mouth I simply don't know how to say what I really want to say and so I don’t say much of anything important. Do I need more time, more contemplation to come up with the right words for the thoughts rolling around in my head? I am a people-pleaser at heart so when I meet in person I often feel nervous, limited, hesitant, worried, anxious. I want everyone to feel comfortable, I don’t want to create any confrontation or offend anyone. Yes, when I write about my thoughts via email or a blog, I feel a kind of expanse of space and time, a limitless freedom to be who I am. There is no one to offend since I am not writing to anyone in particular other than myself.

Then there is Alice. When Alice sent me her first column, it brought me to tears. It all started when I contacted her about her wonderful blog and if I could include it in our blog list. Then came a few email discussions about the dream of a newsletter or magazine for bilingual/bicultural families and whether she wanted to contribute.

It was the middle of the night of February 2006 and I had been sitting in front of my computer for over an hour, just staring. I felt hopeless. I felt that I had nothing to say. I felt that my dream of a magazine was over, that none of us had anything to say, especially me, and that I would have to simply let it drop. My husband couldn't console me, even though he tried.

Then Alice's email arrived. She had sent me a column for our new newsletter. I opened it and as I read through it my skin started to tingle and I started crying. It was beautiful and it was brilliant! Her words were exactly what I was looking for and I was so thankful and honored that she was out there sharing her feelings, thoughts and humor with me. She gave words to the world of a bilingual family, she was painting a picture, together with humor, of the struggles that so many of us face!

At the end of August of this year, I met Alice and her beautiful, wonderful family for the first time. We had decided that while in Germany visiting my husband’s family, we would rent a car and drive down to Austria to visit Alice. Somewhere in southern Germany, near the Czech border, I called her to let her know what time we would arrive that night. That was the first time I had ever spoken with her! After 6 months of almost daily email contact and that is the first time we ever heard each other's voices! I was nervous and a little worried that hearing each other's voices would dispel the image and myth we had created of the other. I can't speak for Alice but for me it was a delight and only further defined this wonderful person with whom I had formed a close friendship.

We arrived late that night in our rented black Mercedes (was the same price as a standard car that could fit three car seats). It was raining and our borrowed GPS navigation system had wanted to take us on small back roads through the Austrian countryside before we had figured out how to reprogram it. But we had now arrived and were about to meet for the first time. Alice met us part way to her home and helped scuffle our bunch of 5 into her dry home.

First meetings are always a little awkward and we had a lot of experiences that we were bringing with us. We were meeting each other for the first time “backwards”: We met for the first time already knowing each other's difficulties, struggles, foibles and pet peeves rather than first putting up our best personas until our true selves slowly seeped through. But meeting that way means having already gotten to know each other and not needing to start from the beginning. We met already having gained the trust of the other. I knew that Alice wouldn’t put me down for my insecurities and she knew that I would do the same for her. We knew that we were working together, not against one another, and had nothing to prove. In fact, we spent more time explaining to our husbands what we were talking about since they lacked our history.

The most fascinating for me was seeing where Alice lives, her town, her home, her laptop, her children's rooms. This was Alice's world. Her long shelves full of English literature books, a testament to her studies in the US. The things she delights in discussing when given the space and time. Of course, with our 5 kids under the age of 5 running around, we were often distracted and lacked the peace of mind to engage in drawn-out discussions.

We also met Alice's brothers and mother and in-laws. We were given a glimpse into her world of extended family, and it was a delight! English and German and Spanish mixing together fluidly and somewhere in the middle were conversations about life and love, past and future. Children running around in socks in the back yard... voices yelling out, sometimes in English, sometimes in German.

Writing this makes it seem so other-worldly, so unique. But it didn't feel that way at the time. It all felt so natural, so normal while at the same time so special, rewarding, a true honor It was a weaving of lives and families as if we had all known each other for ages while at the same time we were relating the basics of our lives - how we met, where we live, what our life is like in Seattle, what life is like in Europe vs. the US. Nothing to prove, nothing to defend, just a mixing of people and information.

Meeting Alice also meant meeting Austria. When we headed back to Germany, we had a better understanding of what it meant to be Austrian and a deeper understanding of Austria. During a trip to Linz, we were inspired to purchase a map of Austria and books of Austrian fables for our children (and, well, maybe for us parents too). Our children talk about their visit to Austria. They remember the street cars and underground train in Vienna. They remember playing with Alice's daughter and picking flowers outside the monastery in Alice's hometown. Visiting Alice has meant making her and her family a part of OUR life, not just mine. Seeing her in person with my family has meant all of us sharing in the experience. To me, that is priceless.

We will visit Alice again (if she will have us). We aren't done getting to know Alice and her family. We aren't done getting to know Austria. We haven't completed our tour of Vienna and my children really want another lollipop from the Turkish bakery around the corner from where we stayed. And the next time we visit, we are going to simply continue where we left off (if not further ahead) and this time we are going to have studied up on Austrian history BEFORE we cross the border. And if we are lucky, we'll get our black Mercedes rental again and drive 220 kilometers an hour on the long, flat stretches but this time I'm going to have my video camera in hand to document it all. *grin*

The Sweetness of Language

2006-09-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

Language has its way of capturing the minds and hearts of young and old - the melodies, the intonations, the rhythms, the meanings. Although I am confident in our choice to raise our children bilingually, I have my moments of weakness and insecurity. Before heading to Germany I was anxious as to what the reactions of family and friends would be to my speaking German with my children. As a non-native speaker, I make many mistakes which my children pick up. I am trying to improve my German but it is sometimes hard to keep up. I was worried that family might feel that my choice to speak German with my kids was only teaching them incorrect German.

It is possible that some do think this. However, our first evening in Germany dispelled many of my worries. It wasn't that anyone said anything to me about bilingualism or my language abilities. In fact, I was in the other room when it happened: I had phoned my mother in California to let her know that we had arrived safely in Germany and then passed the phone to my oldest son so that he could talk with "Grammy". In the livingroom, where he was speaking, stood quite a few German family members. When my son's telephone conversation began, the rest of the room suddenly went quiet and everyone listened as he spoke. He switched comfortably between English with my mother and German with his siblings and others in the room - transitions without hesitation, without contemplation. I listened from the other room as family members discussed their awe and amazement that a child of only 4 years old could converse so comfortably in two languages. They were not only delighted with what they were witnessing, they were praising my husband and me for making the effort to speak German with our children and their delight with how well they could speak both languages. My heart filled with warmth and joy and my earlier concerns melted away. I felt that at that moment, our efforts were truly coming to fruition. At that moment, it was clear that what we were doing was not only wonderful but completely necessary.

What delighted me the most was that family and friends didn't ever treat our children differently. They never assumed that they had to speak English to our children. They spoke to them using the same sentences, using the same words as they did other German children. This may have seemed perfectly normal to everyone but I know better. I know that this meant that our children really, truly have the chance to feel comfortable in more than one culture. This means that family and friends actually think of our children just as German as any other German children, just as family and friends in the US think of our children just as American as other American children.

I have no idea what the future holds but I have returned home with a renewed sense of confidence and commitment. I am looking forward to improving my German - if not for the sake of myself, then at least for my children. I can't help but think that some of the over 300 lbs of books that we brought back with us from Germany will help (the majority of which are for the kids).

Since we are planning on homeschooling our children, we have returned as fully prepared as we can be. My husband's sister-in-law spoke with the principal at the local school who was delighted to give us books that the school has used to help teach children to learn to read in German. We purchased two year's worth of activity books, early reader books, story books and much, much more. In fact, it was hard not to pick up a few children's books each time we had the chance to borrow a car and go shopping.

What I was reminded of during this visit with family and friends in Germany is that life is full of unexpected joys, kindness and honesty if we keep our minds and hearts open to them. The world actually does want us to succeed in our goal to raise our children bilingually and biculturally despite the fears and anxieties upon which we and others tend to focus. As our children grow older and the reality of our choices become more visible and obvious, I am sure there will be new challenges and concerns and I'm sure I will be riddled with new anxieties and fears. In the meantime I feel ready for whatever challenges our bilingual family might face. Of course, I say this as the holidays are approaching - the time of year when being a bicultural family can be rather tough and a husband living abroad feels the distance between himself and his homeland. But that is another blog...

Stay tuned for my next blog where I meet Alice face-to-face for the first time!

Language Skills

2006-08-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

The time has come... tomorrow we head to Germany for an extended visit. During this visit, all family members (except my mother-in-law who was with us when she was born) will meet our daughter for the first time! They will hear our middle son speak actual words and sentences. It is amazing to realize how much changes in just two years.

I have to admit that I am a little nervous. Not necessarily about the flight, despite the recent high alert issues at airports, since that is pretty much out of my control. In fact, I am very excited about the flight since it will be a direct flight (usually we have to transfer to a different plane) to Copenhagen followed by a car ride into Germany. Strange to think that we will leave one country, arrive in another and then drive into a third - all in less than 24 hours.

The aspect that is worrying me a bit is my language. It is easy to get away with speaking German to my children in the US since (1) German speakers are delighted to see that I am making the effort (2) German speakers don't have any personal attachment to me or my kids so they aren't worried that my kids might not be learning correct German language skills (3) non-German speakers are usually interested and excited that we are raising our children bilingually.

But what will family in Germany think? Now that my two oldest children are speaking in complete sentences, asking questions that demand detailed answers, and are sometimes unwittingly challenging the limit of my language abilities in German, I am worried that family in Germany will start to feel concerned. Will they feel that I am holding my children back linguistically when they hear how imperfect my language skills are? Or will they be delighted that I am making the effort? I assume it will be the latter but when it comes to these kinds of issues, it is always hard to know how family, who are emotionally involved, will react.

In the end, I get along very well with my in-laws so I'm fairly certain they would feel free to discuss their concerns with me - if they have any. The catch is that they are all Northern Germans, which means it sometimes takes them a while to get around to saying something. But when they do say something, it means they already will have taken the time to consider their thoughts first.

What it really reveals is that no matter how confident I sound, no matter how much encouragement I get from others, no matter how many times people share their delight in the effort I am making, deep down I still feel insecurities and question myself. Life is not lived in a vaccuum and the impressions and comments of others have an impact. On the other hand, maybe this is the way it should be? Maybe it is my insecurities that keep me open to new ideas and allow me to adjust and come up with new plans as needed. But it also means that if I get out of balance and lose too much confidence, then comments from others might have more impact than they should. Balance is the key.

So, we will see what happens and what kind of conversations we have about raising children bilingually. It will probably not even be much of an issue since the pattern is to speak German with one another anyway. Most probably won't even think about it. They probably will be delighted that their grandchildren, neice and nephews, and cousins can communicate with them without any problem. Beyond that, our conversations will most likely be about changes in life since we were last there, politics and the meaning of life.

Stay tuned and I'll let everyone know how it went when we get back in September.

Taking the First Step

2006-07-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

On the weekend we purchased our first homeschooling curriculum for our children: a Pre-K program in English. If it looks good, then we will try out the Kindergarten program as well. It feels like something real has taken place; a movement of sorts, from just thinking, dreaming, envisioning, to actually taking a step. What is it about actually paying for something intended for a specific purpose that makes it feel so real to me? Our next step will be finding items that can work as a complementary curriculum in German while we are on vacation in Germany. As many of you probably know, homeschooling in Germany is illegal.

Although the curricula we are purchasing and putting together are for my children, they could care less whether they have a curriculum or not. They don't care whether the items we have are new or used, are loaned from the library for a few weeks or are actually owned by us. They are in their own world of immediacy and items like books are simply to be read, toys to be played with, regardless of where they came from. So, the question is: for whom is the curriculum? Is it for my children or is it for me? Does it take purchasing a curriculum to make me feel like a "real" homeschooling mom? Aren't the hours spent sitting on the sofa reading books, building structures, adding and subtracting items for the fun of it, practicing writing while creating a birthday card all considered homeschooling as well? Ultimately, what is the difference between homeschooling and doing interesting things at home? I am really not sure but I have some kind of faith that makes me believe we will figure it all out as we go along. At this point we still have room to make mistakes, try out different methods and curricula and to find our way toward what it really means to homeschool.

When we decided to raise our children bilingually, there was a period of time when we went through the steps of making a conscious decision; going from just raising our children bilingually in some kind of natural, haphazard way to coming up with a kind of plan, thinking about a process with desired outcomes and possible pitfalls and then taking that first, small, tentative step followed by a steady, comfortable gait. Once we took that first step, we became a new family in many ways. We didn't necessarily DO things differently but we felt different about what we were doing and we felt that we were starting along a path that although would demand continual deciphering skills, would nevertheless contain mileposts, roadmarkers and a general flow of direction (albeit, a direction, mileposts and roadmarkers of our own making to a great degree). We went from saying we were intending on raising our children bilingually to saying, "Yes, we are raising our children bilingually in English and German." Before we took that first conscious step we just weren't sure what kind of answer to give.

Will we regret the decision to homeschool our children bilingually? I have absolutely no idea since we haven't really even started but all I can say right now is that it just feels right to all of us and we are waiting in anticipation for that package to appear on the porch any day now. In the meantime, our oldest child continues to request that he "do homeschooling" which means working in a math workbook that we purchased recently at our local math and science store. I go over the pages in his math workbook with him in English and my husband goes over them in German. Which, as all new choices do, brings up a new set of questions: will I be confusing my children if I homeschool them in English even though we all speak German at home? Will it all work out if we do the work in English and then when we are just sitting back chatting it is all in German? There is something inside my head that is telling me, "Yes, it will be just fine," but of course there is another part that says, "Hmmm, how can you be so sure?"

My Week of English

2006-07-11T14:04:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week speaking English with my children. Although we are a German-speaking household, when my mother visits, I speak English with my children when she is around. Many say that this will confuse my children, at the very least, and could cause problems in other areas (identity, code-switching, etc.). Despite such warnings, this is the decision we have made as a family. In the end, we know that for us there is a lot more to raising multilingual children than just language.

For us, raising multilingual children is also about raising multicultural children. Indeed, multilingualism is actually only one facet of this dual approach of language and culture. When it comes down to it, family is the most important focus for us. What is the point of it all if family members are disenfranchised and bitterness arises? What would our children think if a kind of "family feud" were to erupt because of our issues with language?

This doesn't mean I completely give into the wishes of others (since in the end I don't think anyone really wants that). Instead, we all meet half way; a sort of compromise, if you will. This means that my mother accepts, and perhaps even encourages, us speaking German at home with our children but when she visits, I make the transition of speaking English with them and her so that she can be a part of it all.

It took quite a few years to come to this decision and it was the Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network that helped us find the answer for our family. In the beginning, I was extremely resistant and my mother felt very left out and perhaps even a little lonely during our visits together. Despite our arguments, I know that deep down we were less angry with one another than feeling hurt and a little betrayed.

It took many visits, inquiries into ourselves as to what language and culture meant to each of us and what, exactly, were the issues that were on our minds the most. My mother needed to hear why speaking German was so important to me. Sure, it seems obvious but it was important for her to hear it, to know exactly what it all meant to me. And I needed to know which aspects were bothering her the most and why. I had created all kinds of assumptions as to why she was upset but many of them were completely inaccurate.

One solution could have been for me to speak German with the children when she was around and then translating everything. This was simply not an option for me. This is my mother. She is my flesh and blood. She raised me, cared for me my whole life and now I was going to translate to her what I just said to her grandchild in a foreign language! No, not an option for me. It is strange enough that I speak a foreign language to my children. However, I was also not going to pretend that when she wasn't around I continued speaking English with the children. I'm not sure that she would have even wished that I not speak German with the chidlren, but even if she had, it wasn't an option for me either.

There is always the question of what would we do if my mother (or any family member or friend who didn't speak German) lived with us for an extended period of time? I'm not sure what the answer would be but I know that we'd all come together to discuss it and that we'd ultimately find a good solution. We'd find out how each felt about different choices and we'd find something that felt right for us all. No one winning and no one losing. Just a few humans finding their way along a less traveled path of language, culture, identity and diversity. No one said it would be easy but it is certainly interesting!

American Independence and the World Cup

2006-07-04T14:03:00.000-07:00

Uh oh. That day has arrived again. The 4th of July has arrived and my husband is smiling and gritting his teeth. We are running around with flags and red, white and blue everywhere (food, flags, decorations). What my husband can’t stand is the flag-waving and arrogance by certain people that takes place in the US on this day. It frustrates him, it makes him nervous. He is slowly becoming numb to many ignorant statements: “America, the greatest country”, “The US is number 1”. The hubris in such statements simply makes him shake his head in wonder. As an American, I just ignore such statements since I hear them as fluff, nothing real or important. And I can't help but associate the 4th of July with my childhood: barbeque, fireworks, the warm envelopment of summer and sprinklers. For me, the 4th of July is a glorious day of laughter and fun. And did I say how much I remember the fireworks?

Ironically, my husband, who is German, will be participating in something oh so non-American on the American Day of Independence: he will be watching Germany play in the World Cup together with his other German friends! I find the irony simply delicious! Should we all wave German flags as the games begin and then trade them for American flags after the game is over and we set off our fireworks and eat our potato salad and apple pie? Should we begin the day with Wurstchen and then move on to Hot Dogs? Start with football/soccer cheers in German followed by picnics in English?

I’m sure that in the end it will somehow all fit together and somehow it will all make sense. But right now I feel a little nervous. I want to have a plan, to know what is coming, to know who will do what when and speak what when. Perhaps I am worried about whether cultures will clash or whether everything will transition smoothly between language, culture, identity and loyalties. I tend to stand between worlds, as a kind of mediator, the referee watching the game of my bicultural family and making sure we all play by the rules. No one can be completely at fault. Sometimes a yellow card is issued but never a red card. No one can or will be thrown out of the game and there can be no exchanges of players. Whether wounded or not, we must continue.

I’m still not sure how or why certain things have the meaning that they do. Why does a piece of fabric with stars and stripes waved by my children at a 4th of July march drive my husband to frustration? My husband explains to me what it was like growing up a German and the relationship with flag waving: it happens only in special situations. Perhaps that is why watching the World Cup right now is so emotional for him. The crowds of spectators there in my husband’s country of origin, millions of them have arrived, setting foot on German soil. My husband is here. And then he witnesses all of those fans in the stands waving their flags. They are just pieces of material yet they seem to represent something my husband misses so much: his homeland, his family, nuances that are only his own.

Tomorrow we will do many things: we will eat American food, we will cheer on a German team, we will share our lives with American family and friends and we will share our lives with Germans. We will witness flags from different countries being waved and will allow ourselves to feel whatever we might feel. And then in the dark, my brother will bring out the fireworks and we’ll stand in the middle of our little neighborhood street with our oh-so-very-American neighbors and share in a tradition that we can all agree upon.

Dreamland

2006-06-28T14:03:00.000-07:00

My children are still young so we haven't yet engaged in deep discussions about language. However, I look forward to the time when we can. For example, I am extremely curious as to which language they dream in. My husband and I speak German with the children but they hear us speaking English all the time. In their in-home daycare, they hear Spanish and English spoken by the daycare provider and her assistant, and engage in conversations in English with other children and adults. Our playgroups provide German input from adults and other children. So, I wonder to myself whether at night, when their eyes are closed and they are in dreamland, do they also dream in two languages? Do their minds categorize languages in their dreams according to dream? Do beings in their dreams speak different languages depending on their characteristics - and what might those characteristics be? In a One-Parent-One-Language household, will children have dreams in which each gender speaks a different language? For example, will a male cat speak Chinese and a female cat speak English, reflecting the gender-language combinations that occur at home? Or do children only dream in one or the other language when they are sleeping?

Thoughts like this come to me often and I spend far too much time contemplating them. My hypothoses lead into ways I'd test them if I had the means. Groupings of families and individuals, each defined by backgrounds and influences... are there commonalities? Are there distinct differences? Who are we anyway? What is language anyway? Particles and synapses and somehow, amazingly it all fits together and we function. Very impressive! When presented with such a backdrop, speaking with my children in a second language seems very basic and simple; not even close to the complexity of the human mind in general.

It frustrates me that I probably will never know the answers. I am impatient and would like to know, even if only for my own knowledge. I wonder if there are already studies out there that focus on these issues? Have there been dream studies done? I recall so many studies that I have read and watched on television over the years. They have all fascinated me and been a great delight to learn about. However, that was before I had my own bilingual children. Now that I have my own, I long to find those studies again! They now hold so much more than an academic interest. They now influence decisions for my whole family.

We have some studies listed on our BBFN website but I know there are many more.

Live A Life Less Ordinary

2006-06-21T14:02:00.000-07:00

Do we know why we are raising our children to speak more than one language? I sometimes wonder what ever happened to doing something for its intrinsic value, for its beauty and the inspiration that it provides. Do we only read books because they will help us make more money? Do we only take classes that will help us advance in our career? Why do we often fall into the trap of believing we need a compelling financial or career-oriented reason to pursue something?

I will be the first to admit that I'd be delighted if raising my children bilingually and biculturally will aid them financially down the road. And I can understand why earlier generations didn't speak a second or third language when they were told that speaking a different language at home with their children could cause confusion or, at the very least, put their children at a disadvantage. I am sure I would have questioned why the experts were recommending against it but I probably would have felt pressured to not go against their test results and recommendations. Out of fear of doing something to disadvantage my children, I very likely would have caved under the pressure. Facts are facts, right?

My husband was the child of such a family. Despite his parents and grandparents speaking the local dialect at home, they were told to only speak High German with their children. So strong was the recommendation, parents and grandparents (as well as members of their generation in the community) spoke the dialect together but only High German to the younger generation. Of course the children picked up much of the dialect by hearing it but there have been some regrettable side effects:

* Local dialects are disappearing around the world. A major effort has been underway for a while now to revive the dialect. This is happening around the world as dialects and languages are falling into disuse and disappearing. As we all know, children will learn a language if they feel there are necessary reasons to learn and use it. Keeping a language alive as an academic exercise is wonderful but it will not truly keep a language, and the intertwined culture that goes with it, alive.

* The older generation, who often still speak the dialect, have not been able to overcome their habit of not speaking the dialect to the younger generation. Part of this comes from a subtle gut response: if the person they are speaking with is younger and especially if he or she does not sound like a native speaker of the dialect, then the older person automatically switches to High German.

* Children who are now being taught the dialect in schools are lacking the cultural associations that go along with a language. They are learning the dialect as an academic pursuit. At least there are grandparents around who grew up speaking the dialect but as mentioned above, it does not come naturally that they, and the older generation in general, will speak it comfortably with these students learning it for the first time. Especially with something like a dialect, learning the language purely in school is more sterile and limiting. Nevertheless, it is definitely better than nothing!

Language is a sensory being. It exists within the medium of life, within the medium of context. It takes on the characteristics of its surroundings and landscape.

If we want the language that our children learn to be sterile and flat, then we should make sure NOT to provide them with any stimuli other than the static words. If we only see language learning as the means toward a financial goal or success in terms of a better job, then there is no need for us to make language learning fun or part of our lives. In fact, if this is our motivation, then it would probably be best that we not even be involved in the language learning of our children since we might confuse the issue and actually provide an emotional context that would only muddy the issue later.

My sincere hope, however, is that we want more for our children than simply financial success and a successful career. My hope is that we can't help but be motivated by more powerful visions for our children's lives. My hope is that we long for our children to experience our language for what it is - to taste it, to savor it. If this is our desire, then we must remember that we are an important link in this coming to fruition. No, we must remember that we are THE most important link in this coming to pass.

We need our children to grow up not only hearing the language. Our children must be given opportunities to live the language, live the culture, live a life imbued with our languages and cultures. I firmly believe that it is important that we should allow ourselves to ignore the financial and career gains that our children might reap by learning our languages and to focus more on living our languages and cultures to the fullest.

Most importantly, we should remind ourselves of the influence we have on one another. What we say to other families about why we are raising our children multilingually and multiculturally has a strong influence. Encourage other families raising multilingual children to focus on the beauty of life and the sheer joy that multilingual living provides us! Live a life less ordinary! Live a life so full of language that you will forget that your children are indeed benefiting in other ways.

Realizations

2006-06-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

Although I am not a native German speaker, I am on board with my German husband to keep German as our "home language" and speak German with our children. This poses many challenges, to say the least. The most difficult for me is at the end of the day after having worked 10 hours in the office to find the fluency of German that I like to think that I have.

The other day I was picking up our three children from daycare (ages 4, 3 and 1). My oldest and youngest were already in the car sitting in their car seats and I was encouraging our middle child to get into his seat. In German, I said, "Can you please get into your 'chair'?" My oldest son looked at me with a knowing smile, sighed, and said, "'Chair' Mama? It is 'seat', not 'chair'!" and then sighed again. I couldn't help but smile and said, "Yes, you are right, it IS 'seat', not 'chair', thank you."

There was a decisive moment in the past when my oldest child started speaking. My husband and I sat down together and decided that German would be our home language. And I can see that there will be many more such moments as life progresses. I will have to remind myself that although I am not a native speaker, what we are doing is the right thing. And who knows, the time will probably come when my German won't be advanced enough to engage in the level of discussion with my children that I wish. At that point my husband and I will sit down again and have another discussion. I'm not sure what we'll decide but I am confident that we'll find a solution that works for all of us.

Selfishness

2006-06-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

We all know the feeling: so many ideas, so many visions and so little time. If only I had more money. If only I had more time. If only, if only. I am in awe of this website and this magazine, which the time and effort and vision from people around the world has created. On a late night like tonight, I carve out a few more hours to work on the magazine. Between working 35 hours a week and a family with three children, I have come to do this website and magazine with the utmost efficiency during the late hours of the night. No moment can be wasted.

It is between two worlds that we slowly put the pieces together. Editor and Managing Editor, Alice and I, we communicate via google chat for the first time tonight. We cross borders and time-zones. We consult on the magazine, we share information about ourselves - we have worked together for months yet know very little about one another. I know that Alice has a keen eye and sharp language skills but I'm not sure what her voice sounds like. I learn about her via her blog and I have come to know her via her essays and column. And tonight, as we piece together a magazine, I realize how easy it is to bridge the expanse of our earth. To be here and there at the same time, even if only through our consciousnesses.

When morning comes, I'll feel a sense of guilt. The hours that each of us, each of you, has contributed to create something so special feels like a guilty pleasure to me. Do others share in the joy in this website and magazine creation, or is this simply the culmination of selfishness on my part? To read your essays, to learn about the world through your eyes and words brings me such joy, I wonder what I have done to deserve such wonderful luck. Where did all of you come from? How did we find each other? Why do you choose to share your thoughts? Do you also experience the sheer joy that I experience when knowing that we are all in this together, that our concerns are shared throughout the world?

I will head to bed now knowing that there is so much more to be done before the magazine will be ready. I have also failed to update so many things on the website, again. I'll have to put them off until tomorrow. I have faith that all of you will understand and forgive me for having let these things slide. You have probably noticed that this project is a labor of love more than anything?

In the end, I question myself: why do I do this? Why do you do this? Why do we read the words of others? Why do we long to know what they are doing, what they recommend, how they have gotten to where they are now? Do we fear that we are perhaps doing something wrong? Most of us lack parents who have already gone through raising multilingual and multicultural children, so we are on our own, so to speak. And even if we are fairly certain that what we are doing must be the right thing, there are still so many other elements that we would like to know, would like to examine, want to understand.

In the end it seems that a magic is performed whereby words and images and colors and text all coalesce into something we have decided to call a magazine. We know we had something to do with it but the parts are too numerous to calculate. Pieces are directed to where they belong and a thing of beauty is formed. One by one the pieces fit into their perfect order and when the last piece has been fitted, the magic begins.

Some of you may wonder where the magazine is this month. It is the 15th, right, so where is it? This month things are changing... we are becoming more mainstream. Expect a new magazine in two weeks, on the beginning of July. And if all goes well, then you will be able to print it out this time. No promises since one can never tell how much time one will have, but it is possible that all of the pieces will fit together and a few more hours in the middle of the night will have been carved out for creativity and creation.

Life as a Gazelle

2006-03-15T13:51:00.000-08:00

One of my fondest memories as a child is leaping through the countryside behind our California foothill home pretending I was a gazelle or another lightfooted animal from the African plains. I can still remember what it felt like to imagine I was in that far-off land, the air blowing against my face and the long grasses brushing against my shins as I leapt and bounded.

My thoughts of all things African really came to fruition after my family invited a man from Africa to visit us in our home. I have no idea from which country he came but I can still remember his dark chocolate skin and beautiful accent. His eyes were dazzling and concentrated. He listened carefully to every word and replied deliberately and warmly.

I realized then that there was something much bigger out there than I had ever before imagined. An expanse beyond what I had ever contemplated and which National Geographic documentaries couldn't come close to capturing. It was then that I told my mother I would one day visit Africa. And, as would be expected, to bide the time I became a gazelle.

There is something magical about meeting people from other countries, especially when you are a child. As a child our world seems so clearly defined and most of the time we know what to expect. We have a fairly good idea of how each day will progress and picture books are the limits of our worldly exporations. But when we first meet that person with the gloriously different accent who acts and dresses and behaves so differently, we stand in awe, amazed by this encapsulation of a new culture before us.

This simple act can change the life of a child forever. As parents, it must be our job to help provide our children with profoundly awe-inspiring moments in their lives so that they will expect no less as they grow older, so that their curiosity and craving to explore the world will continue to flourish and blossom.

Many years later, with the Cold War at its height and movies about Russians and Americans fighting or falling in love filling our minds, I was certain that I'd visit Russia, meet the love of my life and we'd be married. I told my mother as much: "You know, Mom, I'm going to marry a Russian someday." "Sure, ok," she'd answer. "No, Mom, I really mean it, honestly!" I'd repeat.

Well, my life moved on, I went to college and then Ireland and in the end I didn't marry my Russian, and I haven't even visited Russia (yet), but I did marry a man from another land, another culture, Germany, and I can't imagine wanting it to be any other way.

Returning Home

2006-02-20T13:42:00.000-08:00

As we all know and have experienced, living in another country changes you forever. You will never be the same and will never see things the same way again. I once mentioned this to a friend after living in Ireland for a year. She responded, “oh come on, don’t be so depressing”. But whether it is a depressing reality or not, for those of us who have lived abroad, this is simply the way it is.

The first time I experienced what experts call “Reverse Culture Shock” was after returning from a Year Abroad Program in Ireland. My home town, which often gave me a sense of comfort, upon returning seemed stifling and bereft of warmth. I moved about my days feeling that something was missing but no idea what it could be. Eventually I came face to face with the reality that my home would never, ever again feel the same as it had before. I sealed my fate as soon as I boarded that plane the year before.

I don’t think there is really any way to describe this feeling to those who haven’t experienced it themselves. What is it exactly that causes us to feel this way? Why is it more pronounced when living in a different country than just living in a different city? Does the degree of difference between our home country and the target country determine the level of change we will feel when returning?

Many descriptions of Reverse Culture Shock describe it as part of a continuum whereby eventually we’ll feel at home again in the US and the vestiges of the “shock” will have slowly worn off. Although it is true that the initial feelings of strangeness have subsided, I still feel that something will never be the same even now, so many years later. What I constantly contend with now is a continual pull to go back… go back anywhere as long as it isn’t here. Yet when I am back there, I feel the pull to return back here. It is as if I am living in a kind of suspended reality, never really here or there.

The joy of having spent time in another country is that you slowly become a part of it and one of its people. Our attention to detail is heightened and we make a concerted effort to understand and fit in until we become one with our new location. What I have seen and felt and heard and smelled in each of the places I have lived has made me who I am, like a wine picking up its surrounding elements.

I would never want the clocks to be turned back to the person I was before I set foot on that first airplane. Instead, what I want more than anything is to have my favorite elements from each country right here with me now. I want to have an Irish pub around the corner here in Seattle, full of Irish laughter and music and incessant chatter. I crave the smell of peat burning in the air and the Irish lilt.

But I can’t stop there… I want to have my favorites from Germany and France with me here as well and of course the Australian joviality and Tasmanian kindness. I want to somehow piece them all together into a quilt of my making and to wear it day in and day out to bring me comfort.

Ultimately what I have lost in hometown comfort I have gained in international comfort. Where once boarding an airplane was an amazing feat and arriving in another country 10 hours later unthinkable, I now feel a sense of familiarity when we are snuggled down into our seats for our long flight. I have a pretty good idea of the sequence of events whereby we will get from here to there and cherish the chance to head to my “other home” of Germany for an extended visit. And once there for a while, I can’t wait to snuggle back into my bed in my home in the US.

This first appeared as an essay in our February newsletter: www.biculturalfamily.org/newsletterfeb06.html

Getting Started

2006-02-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

I guess it is time that I get on board and join the blogging world. Dear friends and cyper-acquaintances, please bear with me while I figure this all out. I still want to post anything bilingual or bicultural related to the BBFN homepage but here is where I hope to post those plus everything else. So much to say and no place to say it.