Why Should I Speak It If You Don't?

My husband and I often speak English with one another. In fact, we speak English with one another most of the time. It comes naturally since that was the language we spoke when we met 16 years ago on the Emerald Isle of Ireland, in Mary Ryan's Hostel in Galway. Wow, 16 years!!

I didn't speak a word of German at the time and my future husband was in Ireland to speak English - so it all worked out well. Of course, he wasn't looking for a future American wife and I wasn't looking for a future German husband. We were there to meet the Irish! Not other foreigners!

Well, be it as it may, we fell in love and I ended up taking a leave of absence from my studies to spend two years in Germany with my future husband where we finally tied the knot and moved to Seattle, Washington.

While in Germany I spent grueling hours at the Volkshochschule followed by even more grueling hours at the university in Kiel learning German. Textwiedergabe - I remember that word clearly and it can still bring dread up my spine and fear into my heart. The ultimate of torture touted as "learning German." Ugh, I can still remember sitting there with my pencil poised for the moment of truth.

That coupled with trying to pronounce the letters ä, ö and ü while a kind-hearted teacher squishes your mouth into place was enough to make me want to fall to the floor and plead for mercy. "Try saying "eee" while rounding your lips like this," the teacher would say. "Ok, yea, I get it but now how do I remember all of that while trying to use that sound in the middle of a word which is in the middle of a sentence!?" would be my exasperated reply.

In any case, tonight my 6-year-old son heard my husband and I speaking English with one another and promptly said to us (in German), "Why are us kids supposed to speak German together while you two speak English with one another?" My husband and I looked at one another and and said (in German), "You are right! We should be speaking German. Ok, here is the deal, we'll speak German with one another from now on and you'll agree to speak more German with your siblings, ok?" Our son pursed his lips to think about the deal. He clearly smelled something rotten. And then I quickly added, "And you stop calling me Corey and just call me Mama from now on, ok?" Our son started to look at us with clear suspicion while my husband topped it off with, "And you will always call me Papa, ok?"

Well, let's just say that we all eventually shook on it and agreed to the terms. Whether my son has any idea of what he really agreed to will be seen soon enough. I think he would have agreed to anything just to get the heck away from his crazy, begging, pleading parents.

Is this what a bilingual family has come down to? Making language deals over the dinner table? Well, if it works it is worth it right? I guess I had better remember to speak German with my husband from now on! I mean, a deal IS a deal, right?

Stop Calling Me That!

My children have developed a bilingual habit which is starting to drive me crazy!

At the beginning, when my children first started speaking, they called me "Mama." I identified myself to them as Mama and so they followed suit. This all came very naturally and easily and I gave it very little thought.

Me=Mama and their father=Papa.

That was until I started noticing that my children were saying "Corey" much of the time. I noticed it most when they were speaking to one another (vs. speaking to me) and figured it was just a cute way for them to identify me by my given name. Little did I realize that it was going to start driving me crazy with frustration.

It wasn't until recently that I noticed that they were saying Corey when in conversation with one another in English. And that they were even calling out to me saying Corey rather than Mama! For example, if they were playing in the living room in English and wanted to get my attention, they'd call out, "Corey!" And if an English-speaking person was around with whom they were speaking, they would use the name Corey when talking about me to them!

Everyone we know thinks it is absolutely adorable. "How cute that they call you Corey!" they say.

And what about me? What do I think about it? It is making me want to sit those little bilinguals down and give them a long lesson in linguistics.

Instead, I started by asking them (calmly) why they call me Corey instead of Mama. They clearly identified the situation by stating matter-of-factly that when they speak English they say Corey and when they speak German they say Mama. "Mama is German, Corey is English," they tell me full of conviction. As if they were teaching me the translation of my name in each language!

After a while I started bugging them about it. "I wish you'd just call me Mama all of the time. I am still your Mama whether you are speaking English or German." They looked at me with a questionable look and said, "We'll think about it."

Ah, so, is that where things have progressed? They get to decide what they want to call me after a joint bilingual sibling consultation? Am I to have no say in the matter? I'm their Mama for goodness sakes!

As of today, they still call me Corey in English and Mama in German. They have not been convinced by my explanations and pleading in the least.

But little do they know that I have raised the stakes (or lowered my pride) and I now shamelessly complain to them in nothing less than a childish manner. "It makes me so sad when you call me Corey. Don't call me that anymore, ok? Just call me Mama all of the time!" I am delighted to say that I did stop short of bribery: "If you only call me Mama from now on I'll give you some candy!"

In the end, I realize that I have little say in the matter. My 6, 4 and 3 year olds are bilinguals destined to make language choices based on nothing but what makes most sense to them. That is their right to use language as they see fit, isn't it?

I can go blue in the face complaining, begging and insisting but I fear that when push comes to shove, I'll forever be half Mama and half Corey in the eyes of my little bilinguals. I guess there are worse things to worry about! At least they are still speaking German with me.

Seeds of Compassion: The Roving Reporter (or not)

Sorry for the delay in posting about the Dalai Lama. Talk about poor reporting etiquette!

It isn't that I didn't want to continue blogging about this tremendous event. It was simply the fact that when it comes down to it, I am only part roving reporter and mainly a mom of three kids, an employee for a software company and a wife to a busy parent. First things first.

However, I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed my few days of being the roving reporter: chasing the story as it unfolds, capturing photos which embody each event, taking copious notes, driving from event to event, packing my camera bag each night with only essentials (digital SLR, video camera, pad of paper and pen, press passes, two apples for moments of hunger, and numerous forms of identification) knowing that I'd have to be ready to act quickly: living the lean and mean life of a reporter.

Well, let's say, I enjoyed IMAGINING that I was the lean and mean roving reporter. The reality is I ended up promptly coming down with a cold (sore throat, cough, runny nose and head ache). I believe it was because rather than being the "mean and lean roving reporter," of my imagination, I am, in reality, the "stress-case, worried, anxious roving reporter." I'm sure in time I'd work out all of these stress-related reporter kinks but it didn't happen in the last week, that's for sure, and took its toll on my health.

Here are some roving reporter highlights:

I was annoyed to no end for having to pay $25 to park in the Qwest field parking garage on the 6th floor (the press entry was there) and for not having found alternative parking ahead of time. Other reporters were annoyed as well but just laughed and said, "Ah well, at least we can expense it." A clear difference between me the little freelance reporter (where expensing means adding it to her tax return somewhere) and those who work for someone else who takes care of all of the tax details.

I was constantly worried that I'd get stuck in traffic and miss something (anyone who lives in Seattle will know what I mean: traffic is either great or suddenly horrible stop-and-go for miles and miles).

"Did I remember my press passes?" I'd ask myself a few times each morning. Then I'd wonder, "Did I recharge the camera battery?" or "Where did I put my keys again?"

Being that I wanted to do it all (take great photos, write up the most important highlights of the event, video tape just the right bits, interview some insightful people, purchase just a few pieces of memorabilia) I was always a little frantic. I'm sure those around me started feeling freaked out just watching me!

For goodness sakes, I was there to see and listen to the Dalai Lama and here I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted - all from my own silly desire to do it all.

However, not all was lost on my frenetic silliness.

There were moments when I just put my photographic equipment away, breathed a sigh and let the moment fill me with awesome joy. Yes, there were moments when I even became teary-eyed and couldn't imagine being happier and more content. It wasn't always just from the words of the Dalai Lama. It was from looking around and seeing the faces of others caught up in the moment. It was from the rawness of the moment - people letting themselves feel vulnerable and open, teary-eyed and connected on a deep level.

Which brings me to my difficult relationship with groups: On the one hand I love being a part of them but on the other hand I feel confined and defensive. I often have a hard time letting go and losing myself when in a group of people. Someone is talking a few rows back, the speaker's voice grates on my nerves a bit, the sound system lacks in quality. I tend to prefer letting go and finding enlightenment alone on my own terms.

Yet on the other hand, I delight just being part of something large and all-consuming. When I looked around the stadium at each event I was captured by the fact that so many people were all sitting in one place at the same time hearing the same words and seeing the same images as me. For that it doesn't really matter whether someone is sitting right next to the Dalai Lama or on the other side of the stadium. The feel of the weight of the moment is powerful regardless.

Therefore, I am not quite sure what to say in terms of "reporting" on the Dalai Lama event. What can I say that can truly capture the event?

This is what I have taken from the series of events which I attended:

Find out what works for you. Compassion is not necessarily about any religion in particular, it isn't even about spirituality if viewing it through that lens turns you off. It is about finding what works for you so that you can go from understanding and conceptualizing compassion to acting on it to make the world a better place for our children (and ourselves). If that is through a religious context then that is wonderful, if it isn't, then that is wonderful too.

The Dalai Lama encourages a kind of contemplative, analytical meditation for creating compassion in our lives. It is an engaging task, not something in which we sit on the sidelines and watch. How we go about this analytical meditation is again based on our personality. Perhaps we need to set aside an hour each day for contemplation? Or maybe we can at least commit to turning off the radio in the car during our commute and spending that time on contemplation? Or maybe we should put on some soothing music for half and hour and spend that time contemplating our lives and how we can foster more compassion? The key is simply taking the time to focus on this rather than assuming it will just magically happen.

This kind of analytical contemplation is an interactive one. It may mean we need to start by looking at our lives and asking some hard questions (and then acting on changing things for the better). What is holding us up from finding true compassion for ourselves and others in our lives? Are there things in our lives which are straining our nerves and causing us to have a short fuse with others? What can we do to solve this?

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, the Dalai Lama discusses two different kinds of compassion: the biased=limited one and the unbiased=unlimited one. We need to strive to imbue our lives with the unbiased=unlimited one. This kind of compassion is about being able to understand another person, country, custom, event even if we aren't in agreement. It isn't about condoning actions but about understanding where others are coming from via their perspective and moving toward them from that standpoint. This isn't easy without giving it some effort and concentration.

Action is key. We can think about compassion, feel compassionate and want to be compassionate with others but then we need to actually do something about it. This starts with ourselves, then our children and spouses, then our mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers, then out to other family and friends, communities, neighborhoods and as wide as possible. We make sure to spend alone time to reflect and recharge. We take the time to be truly present with our children and spouse. We join with our communities to renovate parks and collect donations for the poor. We volunteer at local food banks and volunteer at events. We find things which fit with our personalities (some people aren't as out-going so maybe they can volunteer behind the scenes rather out front with the public).

Compassion feeds the soul. The Dalai Lama reminds us that through such compassionate actions, we will be feeding our soul, our heart, our minds, our spirits. Whatever we want to call it, through compassionate acts we get in touch with our true selves and find that warmth inside. It is the most satisfying food we can feed ourselves. It is ironic in some ways but through true acts of compassion, we gain the greatest benefits! How very selfish in some delightful way.

Viewed historically, the primary concepts about which the Dalai Lama speaks are really nothing new. People have been discussing such things for hundreds and hundreds of years. However, having the Dalai Lama come to town (or other such spiritual leaders) is a kind of reminder for us all. A wake-up call even. His words remind me that as a country, I feel the United States has become very cynical. Getting in touch with the more raw and vulnerable bits of ourselves is seen as weakness, and weakness is not a good quality in the "home of the free." Praiseworthy are often qualities such as wealthy, cool, popular, busy, efficient, tireless, reliable. Sure, we don't necessarily admit this but these traits come up as praiseworthy in casual conversations all of the time. And our children watch and learn this from us. They learn that making a lot of money is something to strive toward, that being number one and at the top is what we should all strive toward, that having lots of friends is better than knowing only a few people.

To end, I apologize for this not being a traditional report about the Dalai Lama's visit to Seattle. I find that since each of his events are available via the Seeds of Compassion website, that my personal reflections inspired by his visit may also have some value here. I know that many of you are reading my blog and I appreciate your emails! They are full of wonderful insights, thoughts and reflections!

Finally, I leave you with a comment from a baggy-pants teenager after the Monday event. I listened as he and his buddies chatted on the way out:

"I couldn't understand a thing that guy said. But he was really cute, wasn't he? A really nice, funny guy."

I'm sure the Dalai Lama would have loved the reference to himself as "that guy" and that what was remembered was that he was cute, nice and funny.

Seeds of Compassion, Day 3: Bringing the Children Together

What a crowd today! What happens when thousands of school-age children come together in one stadium to see the Dalai Lama? You get an excitement and energy like none other!

Today the Key Arena in Seattle was filled with children bussed in from all around the Seattle area. It was hard to even get into the media entrance with so many chattering and excited children and teachers waiting in masses outside! I'm sure much of the fun for everyone there was getting out of the classroom on a Monday!

Inside the stadium was teeming with a buzzing of voices, laughter, shouting and noise. During the event, children were cheering from their seats, clapping after every presentation and deafened the stadium when the 7th grade international children's ambassador went onto the stage and spoke to the crowd. Perhaps this is what happens when you get a bunch of children together: fun! Is it as the Dalai Lama says: children are simply more honest about what is in their hearts.

What was most inspiring about having the Dalai Lama here in Seattle was the permission he gave us to be open, fragile, vulnerable and, yes, compassionate. I do believe we need to give ourselves permission to experience what it feels like to be compassionate - to allow our hearts to fill with love (rather than cynicism), to fill with joy (rather than fear), to fill with forgiveness (rather than competition). We have to make a conscious effort to push away everything which tells us that financial success and economic accomplishment the most important. It can be extremely hard to consider that those statements are actually off track - I feel the pull of it every day around me!

What happened to allowing ourselves to be human? Perhaps when we allow ourselves to be full human beings (wise, fragile, intelligent, insecure, alive) we will automatically remember what compassion is all about? I'm not sure but I sometimes believe that when I let down my guard and throw off all of the weights of society pushing me down that I am instantly able to be compassionate again (and in turn to be a better member of society). Sometimes I think it is so easy: just let go and let myself fall into the direction my soul is taking me.

I have a bunch of photos but haven't yet got around to sorting through them. I'm not sure how to present them: Should I do a photo blog or just add them back into the previous blogs.?I'll have to think about how to best go about it. Until then I'll leave everyone with the link to today's amazing event: www.seedsofcompassion.net/webcast/index.html (go to the Children & Youth Day event).

Kind thoughts to every one of you out there!

Seeds of Compassion, Day 2: The Scientific Basis for Compassion

Did you know that brain researchers can actually see a difference in brain activity when a person is feeling compassion? Did you know that children actually grow more when cared for by a loving caregiver? Do you know what the Dalai Lama's two different kinds of compassion are?

Today was a day to discuss the Scientific Basis for Compassion.

As many know, the Dalai Lama is very interested in the research of scientists. He doesn't feel that science is a threat to spirituality and religions. If anything, he sees how science can augment our beliefs gained from other areas in our life.

Today the Seeds of Compassion events started off at the University of Washington Bank of America Pavilion. I had to drive since I only had half an hour to get from the first event to the second. Aside from the guilt I felt about driving (and always do), I was out $11 for the parking - sheesh, no press parking!? But this was a small price to pay for the chance to attend this wonderful event.

I must say that the care given to the press is fabulous (either that or they want to make sure the press don't mill about randomly taking photographs where they shouldn't). After checking in (via the media entrance - so cool!), I was personally escorted to exactly where the press seats were located - a big block at the back of the floor seating. Not exactly close to where the Dalai Lama would be sitting but I wasn't about to complain.

Overall, though, my feeling about the life of a press person was a little less glamorous than last night. Unfortunately I saw many people jaded by the process (probably mainly the grunt workers who do all of the unglamorous work). I'm sure this is an oversimplification but many seemed completely undaunted by the fact that the Dalai Lama would be on stage soon. It could be that they simply weren't interested in this event or the Dalai Lama but it reminded me of how easy it is for us to become bored even with the extraordinary (let alone the ordinary).

I worry that if I had that kind of job day in and day out that I too would slowly forget how special even the ordinary moments of being part of the media could be. Not that we should feel arrogant or above others, but delighted in our great fortune! However, that having been said, the press were definitely there to report and that they did!

Today's first event was attended by Daniel Goleman (Moderator), Richard Davidson, Alicia Lieberman, Daniel J Siegel, Andrew Meltzoff and, of course, the Dalai Lama. Many of these names you will recognize from studies on the importance of social and emotional "intelligence."

The second event was attended by Mark Greenberg (Moderator), His Holiness the Dalai Lama, John Gottman, Mary Gordon, Roger Weissberg, Karen Gordon and Bob Marvin. Another great panel who focused on social and emotional interactions throughout the life span.

Both times when the Dalai Lama entered the room, everyone stood and applauded. He bowed many times and beamed his generous smile for all. It was an awesome moment!

For some reason I knew that the Dalai Lama had quite a sense of humor but for the life of me I can't remember where I had seen him (YouTube??)! His way was so natural and comfortable: He sat cross-legged on his chair and listened to what each panelist had to say (often with the help of his translator) and nodded in understanding. When asked a question by one of the panelists, he gave his answer thought, sometimes turning to his translator for help with a given expression or word.

Many times during the day I was struck with the contrast between the easy-going, relaxed, humorous, even silly nature of the Dalai Lama and the mature, elegant, adult-ness of the panelists. I was again filled with the realization of our seeming need to exhaust ourselves with the need to be cool and mature and wanted (not that the panelists were acting in such ways).

There sat the Dalai Lama teaching us about how to attain a compassionate nature and it was almost too simple for us to grasp: Have we created such a complex world? Are we unable to find true compassion because of the constructs of our surroundings which won't allow this to happen? The Dalai Lama indicated this when he said that he firmly believes that we are in our current predicament because of our own man-made constructs (and he emphasizes the word "man" vs "women"). He suggests that we have created such a level of complexity that we now must live in this world based on what we have constructed. We are now dependent upon the world for our survival and happiness. He emphasized that it used to be that a community would depend upon itself and together they would have a vested interest for one another and each member in the community (as we do for a family). Nowadays we have created such a web of global complexity that we ultimately feel helpless.

The solution to our current situation, he urges, is to understand that every action and choice we make ultimately influences every other person on this world (even if we can't feel the direct connection and see the ultimate results as we do in a smaller community). We need to take responsibility for the complexities which we have constructed and learn to find compassion for our whole global community.

Will science help us realize the importance of compassion and empathy in not only our lives but in the world as a whole? Perhaps it will be science which can help bring us back to our intrinsic intuition of what is right and good? Will understanding the workings of compassion in our minds give us answers?

Aside from the general premise of the discussions today, here are some key points which I took away from the event (you can see the events yourself here and form your own conclusions: www.seedsofcompassion.net/webcast/index.html):

(1) Everyday when we wake up, let's look at our children and promise ourselves that we will always see them as valued, cherished, and precious to us - even when they are acting poorly - and find ways to continually treat them with the compassion which we would want in return. This is the first step in creating global compassion. Just because our children are small, it doesn't mean they aren't learning in leaps and bounds - preparation for their adult lives!

(2) Babies learn when they are excited, attentive and attuned with that which they are engaged. How a child feels affects how they will learn - this goes from infants all the way through to adults (but the younger we are creates patterns for later in life).

(3) We need to stop thinking that raising our children to be emotionally and socially enriched means tons of play-dates and activities. Examples within the family are the basis for how our children will learn what it means to be emotional and socially involved.

(4) Children learn more in their first 5 years of life than the rest of their lives put together (Meltzhoff). Babies brains are extremely plastic and their favorite plaything is us: their parents! They have an innate sense of curiosity and will learn everything they can on their own if we just let them go about it!

(5) We CAN change our brains when we get older. We aren't stuck forever in a specific pattern. But this may mean work on our part. The Dalai Lama recommends "reflective meditation." Not necessarily the kind of meditation where we sit and watch the thoughts of our mind. Instead we should practice a kind of meditation where we reflect on elements on which we need to focus.

(6) A large element of creating compassion in ourselves and others is simply responding to others as if to say, "I see you." "I hear what you are saying." "I acknowledge that you said something to me and I heard it (even if I don't agree)." The same is true for children. Show them that you are there for them. Pick up babies when they are crying! Each time you do this you are teaching them that you love them and that they can rely on you. Look your toddler in the eye (at eye-level) and tell him that you understand that he wants that toy and that you know how much it hurts that he can't have it. Give him an outlet for expressing the feelings he has inside when he wants something so much that it makes him cry.

(7) The pre-frontalcortex is where the ability to remain calm in a stressful situation resides. It is also where empathy resides and where we can regulate our emotions (Siegel). If we understand how the brain works in this way, then when we get frustrated or angry with our children, we can understand that it is also possible to calm ourselves down. It takes time and focus but this IS something we can work on to change in our brain patterns by creating more constructive patterns.

(8) We need to learn to override our desire for short-term gain for the long-term gain when it comes to our reactions and emotions (Dalai Lama). We lash out and when we do so it feels good for the short term but it has long-term consequences. The right path is to think about the long-term goal of happiness which comes from always striving for compassionate thinking.

(9) There are two kinds of compassion: (1) biased = limited and (2) unbiased = unlimited (Dalai Lama). The biased/limited is found biologically in most animals. Unbiased/unlimited comes with the help of intelligence. The understanding that we are all one in the same human species and we need one another to survive. Limited compassion can not extend to our enemy but unlimited can - primarily through training our mind with a concentrated effort (not a religious effort but through common sense and experience).

(10) When we are younger we are more able to forgive: we argue often but then quickly make up and forgive (Dalai Lama). We let things go, we don't hold on to them and let them fester. But as we get older, we hold onto bitter angers and hate - this is what we need to try and dissipate within ourselves so that compassion can take its place.

(11) Now that we all have such a high degree of knowledge about how we should treat one another, the key is turning all of this knowledge into action (Talaris Institute Founder).

(12) A University of Pittsburgh study with children in orphanages showed that children who do not have any bond with a caregiver tend to be aggressive and violent. However, when these same children were provided a bond with a continual, comforting care from a caregiver, the children actually start to grow more physically and their aggression decreased! This is the influence that a loving bond from parents can produce. Suffering emotionally can affect the whole body.

(13) The kind of interaction from both mother and father is important. Mothers tend to repeat an activity with a child over and over again, even if the child isn't very interested. Fathers tend to get bored with an activity if a child isn't interested and will either focus on something else or leave the child to seek out the father and engage him. In this way, a child learns different methods of interaction and social engagement. (Gottman)

(14) Schools need to do much, much more than they are doing in helping to provide more social and emotional education. School should NOT be just about academics. This can easily be added into everyday interactions: for example, a new child comes to school and the class discusses how to best make the child feel comfortable. And parents need to understand, support and appreciate this in the school system rather than just looking at academics! (Gordon / Weissberg)

(15) 67% of parents in the USA end up going through a very difficult time (some divorce) when their first child is born. It is as if they weren't prepared for the effort and changes involved with a new baby in their lives (Gottman). This surprised the Dalai Lama who said that what it indicates to him is the lack of responsibility that parents are taking when they start a new life. If they have no children and decide to go their separate ways, that is one thing. But if we decide to start a family, then it is our responsibility to do all that we can to make it work. The Dalai Lama feels this needs to come through via some kind of educational system (if it isn't being automatically learned in the home as a person grows up).

(16) Finally, the main point that the Dalai Lama wanted to emphasize at the end of the event was that compassion is not just wishful thinking, it is about ACTION. Compassion needs to move beyond our conceptualizations and into action - we need to start by treating our children with compassion and then go from there: our spouse, our mother and father, our neighbor, our grandparents, etc.

This was a wonderful day full of information! I will head off to bed now and see what awaits me tomorrow. Luckily we have some wonderful friends who will take care of our kids tomorrow during the event! What would we do without wonderful neighbors, families and friends?

Seeds of Compassion, Day 1: What It's All About

At tonight's press preview I was able to get a better understanding of what, exactly, this Seeds of Compassion event has as its goal.

Here is a quote straight from the press release: "Seeds of Compassion is an initiative to bring world attention to the importance of nurturing kindness and compassion beginning with children and extending to all who touch their lives." Thus, the focus is on the youngest member of our society and radiates out to the rest of us.

An emphasis of the press preview was that as parents we already know that what our children learn from us is what they will imitate and ultimately radiate (especially during the first 5 years of life). Thus, if we treat others with compassion, our children will learn this from us and radiate compassion (and in turn will instill a desire to radiate compassion in others)!

"Now is the time to launch a global compassion movement, a sustainable effort that will raise people's awareness of the importance of compassion," said Lama Tenzin Dhonden, co-founder of Seeds of Compassion. "Together we can create a more compassionate society for the children of the world."

The first vision of what ultimately became today's Seeds of Compassion event started in 2005 as a discussion between Venerable Tenzin Dhonden, the Personal Emissary of Peace for the Dalai Lama, and Dan Kranzler, president of the Kirlin Charitable Foundation. Their vision was to focus world attention on the following:
- Our communities need thoughtful, creative adults who are actively engaged citizens.
- Our global society needs people equipped to communicate across cultures and address differences through understanding and collaborative problem solving.
- These qualities must take root in early childhood.
- When children build from strong foundations emotionally, socially, and cognitively, they can develop into compassionate adults.

Those of you who visit bilingualfamily.org and read Multilingual Living Magazine already know and believe in the power of our children to change the world (especially the ability to communicate across cultures). You already know that our children truly ARE our future global citizens and ambassadors. However, the question is whether we are giving them the tools they need to go out into the world as empathetic adults and globally compassionate citizens of the world.

What are these tools? And how do we provide these tools to our children?

This is the whole focus of this 5-day event. There isn't necessarily one, specific answer which we all can follow. But the hope is that by getting a number of experts together, we may be able to discover some basic truths.

One place to start looking for answers is in the brains of children. This will be the topic for tomorrow's Seeds of Compassionate events. The following is from press material: "Recent research studies indicate that the ability to demonstrate compassion is closely tied to the brain and biology -- children demonstrate sympathy as young as three-and-a-half years of age. By the time a child turns five as much as 80% of the brain's architecture is already developed. The formation of these neuropathways is profoundly influenced by the quality of the child's early relationships."

Who can truly understand this need for global empathy and compassion more than families raising children in more than one language and culture. You live with the need to embrace multiple language, cultures, values, loyalties every day! Whether you are raising your children this way because you and your spouse come from different cultures or because you feel the strong need to instill in your children your own great love for global respect and understanding - either way, you get it! You understand this!

The next step is to ask ourselves what we DO to participate in the world as globally compassionate citizens. Our actions are what count in the end.

Seeds of Compassion, Day 1: Press Credentials

A few days ago I received an email from the Seeds of Compassion media coordinators that I had been approved for press credentials to attend some of the Seeds of Compassion events (an event lead by the Dalai Lama)! I am still reeling a bit from the news and definitely excited beyond description. I'm sure all of you seasoned reporters out there will take this with a grain of salt but for me this whole thing leaves me speechless! Me, press credentials? Yippeee!

I could go into the details of how I somehow missed out on the myriad of opportunities to get regular tickets and was left without any option of seeing the Dalai Lama... but it would take too long and let's stick to the point here: the Dalai Lama is in town and I have been granted press credentials to see him - wow, simply amazing!

Things will start this afternoon: picking up my press credentials downtown WITHOUT THE KIDS. Being that I am technically a stay-at-home mom on Thursdays and Fridays while my husband is at work, and being that the Seeds of Compassion media coordinators said that bringing the kids wouldn't be a good idea (gee, any other way I could show how inexperienced I am in these things) I started begging people to watch the kids last night at 9:39 pm.

In the end, our dear neighbor agreed to take care of my kids while I travel downtown to pick up my press credentials and participate in the press preview. I feel especially guilty since he is the only person in his whole family who won't get to attend any of the Dalai Lama events (he wasn't able to get a ticket). It seems almost unkind to ask him to watch the kids in such a situation. However, this is important! I am on a mission and must charge ahead (gosh, is that devoid of compassion or what!?)

As for the event itself, I HIGHLY doubt I will be able to ask any questions or even get very close to the Dalai Lama or others leading the events. Nevertheless, I ask myself, what WOULD I ask the Dalai Lama IF I could?

Would I come up with some profound question which would leave the other reporters nodding their heads in agreement and then asking themselves, "Who IS that inspirational press person over there?" "She is with WHICH publication? Multilingual Living Magazine? I will definitely have to learn more about her and that magazine! Maybe we can get her on board with our publication!" And they proceed to write down my name and the magazine's name and I'm feeling special and inspired and important and, dare I say, full of myself!

HAH! How I make myself laugh!

Ok, the reality is that if I could ask something I'd probably start with a few "Ummms" and "Errrs" and then fumble around with some kind of jumbled question which went nowhere and in the end the Dalai Lama would have to ask the person next to him "What EXACTLY was the question?" with a quizzical look on his face (yet a kind, compassionate smile). The other press people would look over at me (who was certainly beet red in the face with embarrassment) and ask themselves, "Who the heck let her in here!?" I'd look around, smile and then pretend that I was invisible (like my daughter when she wants to pretend like no one can see her, she wrinkles her forehead and just looks away in another direction until the attention on her has passed).

Actually, the first thought that comes to mind right now is to tell him is how much I have enjoyed that Christmas calendar which I purchased for myself and my family and a few of my friends (and which I have on my desk at work) with daily quotes from him. Gosh, is that pathetic or what!? Talk about extremely un-deep and un-profound!

Seriously, though, what would I ask him? What should I ask him?

What would YOU ask the Dalai Lama?
What thoughts would YOU share with him?
What would be on YOUR mind?

Tell me so that I can write them down (just in case)! You wouldn't want me turning beet red, now, would you?

Meeting Tommi

This past week, Tommi Grover, from Multilingual Matters was in town for the TESOL conference. It was my honor and delight to have the opportunity to meet him after having sent emails back and forth with him and his family for so many years.

Years ago, when I first came up with the idea of the Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network, I did a desperate search for resources. It is no accident that I ended up at the Multilingual Matters website! They specialize in books on bilingualism and multilingualism and are where you will find fabulous books for parents from Colin Baker, Suzanne Barron-Hauwaert and many more!

But for me, the books are only a part of the reason I delight in Multilingual Matters... it is because this publishing house is the "real deal." They were founded and are run by the Grover family and there is simply no kinder family out there than this one! Each member of the family I have had the privilege of being in contact with has been helpful, kind, generous and all-around wonderful. They have offered me advice and have kept me motivated in my efforts to continue spreading support for families raising multilingual and multicultural children.

Basically, there are not enough words of praise in the English language to express how I feel about everyone at Multilingual Matters. It was such a great honor to meet Tommi and I hope we will have opportunities in the future to meet and chat again. I also hope to have the chance to meet the rest of his family sometime in the future.

If you happen to be at a conference and you see the Multilingual Matters booth, make sure to stop by and say hello to Tommi or whomever may be at the booth! They will be delighted!

Identity Crisis

Before any of you think I have totally gone off the deep end, I just wanted you to know that I have simply been going through one of my identity crises. As you can see, poetry and music are really my only ways of communicating and participating in life during these times. These are not sorrowful, depressing times for me. These are days full of exploration and self examination. I truly honor and cherish these times (despite the fact that I spend the whole time apologizing to everyone for my "strange" mood). But I find I can not write in prose, try as I might. My sentences instead appear as long lines of poetic verse.

The thing is, when I "come back out" I am a different person in many ways. I feel I have traveled through my inner subconscious and revisited areas which have long been untouched and untapped. For example, my poem on "Americans are..." is long, long, long overdue and through a conversation with Alice about the way people talk about other cultures in sweeping generalizations (thank you Alice) it triggered my feelings inside which I had never really let myself feel. Letting myself experience my anger about things that have upset me and then actually writing about it through poetry is a release for me like no other!

The same with my feelings of inadequacy, guilt and insignificance. I yell them out to you, to the world, to myself and thereby become just a little more free. Is it not ironic that through sharing my embarrassing insecurities, I end up with a feeling of courage and self-assurance? I am no longer trying to be someone I am not, hiding my weaknesses in the hopes that no one will see.

As I recently told someone (who surprisingly became very dear to me during this time yet we have never met), the last time I went through a major identity crisis the BBFN newsletter (which ultimately turned into the Multilingual Living Magazine) was born. I am never sure what will come out of my inner turmoil (if anything) but I am now fully confident that it belong to my life and that these are precious times to be cherished and protected.

The downside from these times is that my friends and even new acquaintances (my poem titled Friendships With Gods) are the unfortunate victims of my pouring out of whatever is on my mind! And I end up feeling so inadequate, so small, when I compare myself to them. They appear as a gods before me and I a helpless mortal, always making mistakes and needing their guidance and support. Like in Greek myth, when a mortal going about his or her business happens to cross paths with another being. The mortal thinks the other is also fellow mortal but ultimately the latter ends up being a god or goddess, there for a specific purpose - the only give away is a slight scent in the air, a fluttering of wings, the glint of gold. Other times their godliness appears boldly and confrontational.

During this time, I was extremely lucky that I had people with which to reach out and pour out my heart and who didn't judge me. Some I know were with me each step of the way (even if they were a little worried) while others I hope I did not frighten off completely to be lost to me forever. I mean, if you haven't even met me and I share my life story and then go on and on from there, I will understand if you never want to communicate with me again! During these times I simply crave a deeper, more intellectual conversation and end up scaring most people away.

Someone I now hold close to my heart through all of this (although I know nothing more about him other than what he has shared via his soothing words on CD and via his books which I clasped tightly in my hand each day as I rode the bus to and from work) is the poet David Whyte. This man is a genius and has truly changed me completely, inside and out, simply through his words. He gave me the permission to let go, to fall, to dangle and breathe. His descriptions of soul-searching and poetry on his CDs are beyond comparison! I have been YEARNING for the sustenance of such words and fed off them daily, just sobbing from the release they brought me.

And my brother, Thomas, uploaded one of my favorite songs of his titled "The Whole World" just in time – today! I listened to it literally ALL DAY at work, over and over again, and it brought be through this final day of unrelenting soul-searching. It is a song about war and right now we need as many anti-war songs as we can muster! But his song makes you want to jump up and dance, it makes you believe that things will be ok, that our sorrows and frustrations right now really are temporary because we are going to solve this somehow. Wars, no matter where they are in the world, sap our energies no matter where we live. But for those of us in the US right now who are against everything about this war and administration, we need your compassion and your support. Our shame and frustration for what is going on here is a heavy burden to carry.

I think what has happened in the past year is that I have been racing along this path which keeps opening up before me, one step after another - totally magical! I have no idea where it is leading me much of the time but it beacons me and I know it is a good path - my heart is in the right place. But on March 2nd, after the most current issue of Multilingual Living Magazine was completed, I simply collapsed emotionally. Had it not been for the kind words of some very special people, I think I would have just thrown in the towel on the magazine completely. My husband listened to me sobbing at the dining room table days later saying, "I give up, I give up." I mean, after a year of extremely difficult and satisfying work by both Alice and I, the magazine is barely breaking even financially! And it isn't even in print! I can't do it all, Alice can't do it all and we aren't sure what the next steps are either. And, as life would have it, neither of us know anything about marketing, so we get by but funding is primarily through subscribers and a few supportive sponsors/advertisers (most we let advertise in exchange for services or support since they can't afford cash). Luckily, Alice is a strong soul and won't let me give it all up simply because I am having an identity crisis (thank you Alice, AGAIN). Nor will my family - thank you Mom for offering to help! Nor will many of you out there who took the time to offer support and encouragement and the reasons why I do this. I am in awe of the dedication and support all of you provide despite the fact that you receive absolutely NO pay. A volunteer's job must be the most difficult yet the purest form of giving around!

So, you few readers of my blog out there... the truth is I don't know WHAT to do but one thing I do know... I am not going to pretend that I do know and I am not going to put on a staunch, serious Editor-In-Chief face in the hopes that you will think that I do. And now I know that I don't have to. In fact, I know that I simply can't pretend I am someone that I am not (at least for not very long) without it slowly wearing away at my psyche. But on March 2nd, I didn't know I was doing this and I came face to face with the fact that I was scared to death that if I let down my guard, you would think less of me and that I would do the whole magazine, the whole BBFN group, a disservice. I thought that everything I had worked so hard to create would collapse. I must have believed that it was still standing precariously on the image that I had created in my mind a year ago. I had clearly failed to see that it is has really, truly moved on - it is now standing on a solid foundation of its own with dedicated contributors and subscribers who don't care if their Editor-In-Chief is having a identity crisis or not! You are the foundation upon which this all stands and you are steadfast.

The truth is, I am simply a crazy, neo-hippy who tries to live as honestly and true to humanity and the earth as possible. I am a kind person, I am not a greedy person, I am not competitive and I live my life through intuition and a true search for a higher consciousness. I adore the powers of humorous, intellectual wit, the kind which makes you delight in the fabulously unique constructs of images and use of words! The spoken and written word absolutely captivate me. You won't find me in a fancy suit (at least not willingly), I don't wear lipstick (or any makeup at all) and I am fiercely devoted to my husband and children. My plan was to become a Mediterranean Archaeologist out in the dirt each day, evenings with her head in some book or listening to the movements of the tide, but instead I ended up here and although I sometimes wonder what "here" really is, I wouldn't change it for the world. I do Multilingual Living Magazine because I have to do it. The time has come, the world is ripe and we must take this opportunity to help to continue making a place for multilingualism and multiculturalism in the consciousness of this world before it is too late and the opportunity wavers. We need to show the world how absolutely beautiful and magical and emotional multilingualism and multiculturalism are! I am not a graphic designer, I am not a website designer. I simply learn what I have to learn to make this magazine happen and Alice and I create this for us, for you, for everyone, for the world. I can not explain why I do this other than that.

And please know that when it comes to Multilingual Living Magazine, Alice and I are both very professional and expect professionalism on all levels from start to finish. This is one aspect of what often feels like a dual world but is really all about balance between the wild and crazy and the serious and stable. We take the process very seriously. We feel that we have a duty to ourselves, our contributors and, of course, our readers. We take great pride in this. This is why I am so frustrated when I make mistakes! You are paying for quality and we aim to deliver!

So, in the end, I am still here and whole and alive... in fact, I am certain that I am more alive than before. And from all of this, there is one thing I will try to never forget (and all of you writers out there, don't let yourselves forget this either): writers simply NEED to write, I need to write. It doesn't matter if no one is listening, if no one is reading, if no one is seeing what I (we) produce. No matter what, we need to keep creating. All of the glorious words and creative thoughts out there written and created by others cannot satisfy our own needs to write and speak our own words. We each have our ways of bringing forth great creativity and abundance from within ourselves. We must never, ever forget how important it is for us all to tap into that which feeds and waters our soul. Life is simply too short to let it pass unattended.

BE VIGILANT!

Why I Do This

I'm back!

Whew, the March-April issue of Multilingual Living Magazine is out! It took an "all-nighter" and a final completion at 5:00 AM on March 2nd to get accomplished but sometimes that is just what it takes. (The photo above, taken the morning after publication, shows where I do my part of the magazine work.) The only unfortunate part was that this didn't give Alice enough time to do her final editing magic, and I was too sleep deprived to do a good enough job in this area. Thus, a million and one editing errors made it into the magazine. Please forgive this unprofessionalism and check back in a day or two for the newly updated version with errors fixed.

When this happens, I feel like a total failure. I reprimand myself for being so unprofessional and swear that next time I will do better. Alice and I convene to discuss how we can be more efficient (between loads of laundry), more streamlined (while kids are screaming in the other room) and more professional (while dinner is boiling over on the stove). I guess it is just a lot of work for two women who do this all on their own free time for absolutely no pay.

I'm not sure how many people know that Alice and I do the magazine purely as a volunteer effort. None of the subscription or advertising dollars go to either of us. Those dollars go to pay for the website servers, the post office box, the photos we may need to purchase for the magazine, software to create the magazine, and anything else needed to keep the website and magazine going. We do not have enough paying subscribers and advertisers to do more than simply cover expenses and we only have a little extra in the account for unforseen expenses.

We dream constantly about how this will change in the future but for now, Alice and I stay up late into the night and plan during trips to the supermarket to make Multilingual Living Magazine a reality. Of course, we couldn't do it without the fabulous submissions from people around the world, who are also volunteering their time and their gift of the written word. And each of you who are subscribers, have donated your time and money, and who are sponsors are making this all possible!

I have to admit, there are times when I just want to throw in the towel. After working a 10-hour day at my paying job (totally unrelated to magazine production or website creation or publications in any way shape or form), reading books with the kids, getting dinner on the table, brushing teeth, getting kids to bed, the last thing I want to do is work on Multilingual Living Magazine. My husband and I sometimes find ourselves passing in the hall like roommates in a college dorm with term papers due, complete lost in other thoughts. He in his office grading papers and I at my desk or the kitchen table with my little laptop doing the magazine. I cross my fingers that the kids will stay asleep. Or during the day, that the kids will stay focused on their activities long enough to give me the time to accomplish a few pieces of the magazine. As in the photo above, as I work on the magazine, often the kids create their wooden train world or some other construction project or even homeschooling activities. We all sit at the table and "work" away.

At these moments, I ask myself... for whom am I doing this? Does anyone really appreciate it? And if they don't, would I do it anyway? Why do I spend hours on this when I may never see any financial return?

When those moments happen, I often stop everything and start reading through your articles, and essays and columns again. I let myself savor the beauty of your words and images. I let them speak through me... your words spoken with my own voice. You understand what a multilingual life is all about, what a multicultural life entails. You appreciate the intricacies and complexities inherent in being uprooted and bare, groping for an identity which is all your own. You know what it means to be different, to be considered strange and perhaps a little odd.

It takes courage and contemplation to write for Multilingual Living Magazine. You contributors must dig deep into your psyches to put to words unique and personal thoughts and emotions. Or, at the very least, you must be able to put complex ideas and concepts into words that the non-expert can understand, yet without a kind of empty simplicity intended for the disinterested masses. This is no easy task.

So, when I feel completely empty and exhausted and want to throw in the towel, I am reminded of why Alice and I do this, why you contributors do this, why you subscribers take the time to pay your $12 a year. It may mean staying up all night every now and then and I may turn into a sleep-deprived, cranky woman the next day and my husband and friends may need to remind me that it is all worth it... but sometimes that is just the small price we pay for our dreams.

And then when it is all done,
I take the kids to the park...